MIL announced our baby's gender on Facebook. It has upset me. Could I be overreacting?

[AmberPoet]

Sometimes I really hate social media and the trouble it brings. My MIL has decided to take it upon herself to announce that myself and my husband are having a daughter on Facebook, without us posting or consulting us 1st. I don't believe there is any malice in it, but I think it's overexcitement and a lack of common sense. Okay we didn't communicate that this wasn't to be announced on Facebook before we had the chance to tell everyone, because it didn't enter our heads that she would actually do such a thing. I'm starting to think that we need to communicate all of our boundaries and like right now. What does everyone else make of this?
I am trying to brush this one particular thing to one side, but I can't help but think of what she will be like when the baby comes along.

@AmberPoet
I'd be really upset, especially if you weren't intending to make a public announcement on fb.
However I think you are right not to make a massive fuss this time, but I do think you should talk to her. "I love that you are excited for a GC but we don't want to put my pregnancy info or pics etc of baby on fb. Please don't post anything else. Thanks '

It was thoughtless what she did and not done out of malice .Shes just very excited about being a Granny .

To be honest, no one else in the world cares in the slightest what you are having.

Not something I could get upset about but maybe speak about setting boundaries now ie no pictures on social media once baby is here.

@AmberPoet god help you when your baby is born!! going to be an uphill struggle if your partner does not get on board and this this in the bud now!!!

Just as an aside, it’s "sex" not "gender"

I came on here to say this.

Gender is a social construct.
Babies have a biological sex.

💯- I can’t believe people think it’s ok to share something like this without explicit permission when it’s not their need to share.

I hate SM and can’t stand the way people vomit all their business and chunks of other people’s business all over it.

I think the gender reveal is annoying but not the end of the world so I’d not get too cross and cause a stink HOWEVER I would personally use this as an opportunity to raise that when baby comes you do not want photos, date of birth, birthday posts, whereabouts ( name of nursery etc ) shared on SM. I think a lot of people - possibly older people even more - see SM as a harmless, chatty thing and do not realise the dangers of such public dissemination of a child’s image and info. It’s gross violation of their privacy. I’m sure there is going to be an era of legal action by the Dc on it all.

Hi, it's nice to hear from you.

My H was surprised that she had done this, and knew it would upset me (but still liked the post 🙄). After a discussion this morning he agrees that we have to openly discuss our boundaries to his mum, especially with regards to once the baby is here.

YANBU, it's not her news to share. She probably didn't mean anything by it.

Get DH to have a light-hearted word, she'll probably think twice next time unless she's awful in general (which doesn't seem to be the case).

Yep I've been made aware but can't change now.

Very good answer.

I don’t think the gender reveal was too “ revealing”! As others have said it’s a fifty fifty! Just make sure she knows now to not to continue.

Maybe have a friendly chat with her about posting on social media. A blanket rule, like don't post things unless we have posted them first. It probably is excitement and not knowing what the done thing or etiquette is around social media.
I wouldn't worry about it too much unless it is part of a pattern of her disrespecting your boundaries.

This ^ 100%
you are not overreacting by the way it’s not about your baby’s gender as such. It’s about manners and boundaries.
It’s ok for 4 y.o. not to keep their mouth shut and announce to everyone at a family gathering some family news but an adult should know better.

Not her news to share. The same way when you tell your mum you're going to propose to your DP, it's not her news to tell the world. Or if your mum told you she was divorcing your dad, you wouldn't be announcing it on FB. Neither of those are state secrets either but there's tact and need to know basis involved. She's not having the baby... So yes make your boundaries clear to her going forward.

You could just do what my DB and SIL did with her very enthusiastic and media heavy mum (after she'd crossed a line too many times during the pregnancy). Tell her a completely random name when the baby arrives, let her announce it to all and sundry and then tell her the real name so she has to backtrack 🤷‍♀️ We all knew the proper name but also weren't going to announce anything or tell anyone

They have cards congratulating them on the safe arrival of 'Gavin' from great aunts and her bridge club pals. I genuinely couldn't be prouder 😂

Its not the people who care ( or might care) who are the issue though. It’s the ones who don’t, who will never meet you nor you them, but want to put together info for falsification, child porn etc .

OP is not wrong to want to keep her child offline. The gender reveal is no biggie, but it’s heralds a behaviour on MILs part that she should be worried about. .

Amazing!

This is actually hilarious and just what I needed to read today 🤣

Of course he liked the post, he is happy and excited that’s why.

This. People have become so weird about this stuff. In the "old days" (ie a few years ago before the world went crazy and everything had to be an instagram moment) you told one or two people in the family/friends and the news just spread. This is normal. Everyone really needs to stop stressing and micromanaging this type of thing.

People use SM differently. A one off 'by the way, please don't share anything about the baby on Facebook' would have prevented this. My sil doesn't allow any photos of my nephew online, she told me once and I don't post them. Easy.

My MIL used to do things like that. In her case she loved attention so something big like a baby announcement meant all the congratulations etc went her way. It's annoying as then you feel a bit silly announcing yourself so you never get those lovely well wishes from family and friends yourself. It's a selfish and thoughtless thing to do in my opinion. Everybody saying you need to get over yourself... if it's no big deal then let the OP make the announcement herself!

This is highly upsetting. Yanbu at all. Don’t downplay this. She had her time and her children. This is your turn and she’s stealing your joy at telling people YOUR news. I would be livid.

Dear god.