totally sick of dh and porn use - need advice

[sameoldstory]

Had to name-change as I'm an embarrassed regular.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant so probably a bit over-emotional but I have always been upset my my dh's love of porn. He's always paying for subscriptions to websites, which is about 10-20 quid a pop - he tends to pay and then cancel pretty soon after. It's just the usual stuff, nothing weird iykwim, but it pisses me off so much. We're a bit worried about money at the moment, esp with dc3 on the way, and he promised he would stop. Swore blind.

He knows how much I hate it, it makes me feel sick inside and I can't help feeling insecure as he ogles over other female's perfect bodies. This has been an ongoing issue between us for years. He promises he'll stop, then doesn't.

The thing is, I can see he will never change, and I don't know how I can be with him for the rest of our lives with this hanging over me. He's a good dh really, looks after us and I do believe he's do anything for me, so why won't he stop doing something that upsets me so much? I just can't love him as much as I should because of it.

Any wives out there who have learned to live with this kind of thing? How? I feel that it will ultimately wreck our marriage.

i find that such a judgmental post, MMJ.

Is a bit of fantasy to be considered as not forsaking others?

this point has been brought up so many times in threads before but when we masturbate, we are often thinking about other people in other scenarios. Is it equally wrong for a wife to masturbate while fantasizing as it is for a husband to masturbate while watching a bit of porn.

And shock horror, it happens the other way round too.

Sometimes it feels like we are still stuck in Victorian times.

This type of post just damns about 70% of the total (men and women) population.

fair enough, MMJ

"but it very often makes you a dope addict-more likely to end up paranoid and even in some cases schizophrenic."

NO NO NO NO NO! There is no proof that dope smokers are more likely to suffere from an increased risk of Schizophrenia....

"look at www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/apr/04/drugsandalcohol.justice"

and "this www.lifeline.org.uk/feature.php?IDnum=25"

A little bit of fantasy and porn watching is one thing but a lot of these sites that you pay for membership start can lead to phone calls, emails and eventually meet ups.
Money aside, I think the op is justified in feeling uneasy about it.

?there is clear evidence that the use of cannabis may worsen the symptoms of schizophrenia and lead to relapse in some patients.?

they have schizophrenia already...

You said "it very often makes you a dope addict-more likely to end up paranoid and even in some cases schizophrenic." which suggests that you think smoking dope can make schizophrenic. I have no doubt that smoking Cannabis is not a great thing to do but to peddle mis-information about how it makes people schizophrenic is misleading IMO.

"In particular, cannabis psychosis (coded F10.5 in ICD10) sounds about as close as you can get to cannabis-induced schizophrenia without actually being it "

without actually being it. So not Schizophrenia at all.

But I respect you have an anti-drug stance. I just don't think that it is fair to say that porn and Cannabis are gateway drugs which was my original argument.

I have posted about the second quote

Sorry MMJ - I wasn't saying porn is harmless, I know the porn industry as a whole is damaging a lot of lives, I was just objecting to the idea that "porn is addictive and desensitising and has a tendency to escalate into harder and harder stuff" and I clumsily used the whole 'gateway' drug issues to argue against that idea.

I have very hypocrytical views on Drugs, some I have no issue with some I do. I guess I am the same with porn.

I don't think that an argument about the evils of the porn trade/industry is going to have much effect on someone who's real reasons for hating porn are prudish or moral ones. If that makes sense.

and it does happen hatrick

( how this thread moved thus far i shall never know! )

Young men who abuse cannabis are hugely more likely to suffer from schizophrenia in particular - the link is well documented

it is also documented that the younger the drug use starts the higher the risks. I am actually quite anti alcohol due to maternal alcoholic - but am not sure turning a blind eye to the odd 'spliff' is a ggod thing

"she was a huge cannabis usre throughout her teens and more than one professional has cited this as a possible contribution to her schizophrenia. It can indeed happen."

I feel like I am flogging a dead horse so sorry in advance but there is as much chance, infact more likelyhood, that she was Chizophrenic anyway. "May be a possible contribution" is not a proper medical diagnosis.

Schizophrenic - sorry missed off a letter.

Or maybe there are more people using cannabis than we realise. My point being that you could equally prove there are hundreds and thousands of people doing jobs and getting on with normal lives who do or have used cannabis.

Of course the people she meets in the units have problems, but I assume there are many other contributory factors aside from their drug use.

Derailed the thread a bit - sorry.

I think anything that either partner does as a 'hobby' which is upsetting to their spouse is not right. Especially when they try to defend it with rubbish like "every man does it blah blah". It's a self-indulgent waste of money that could be better spent elsewhere. He is sending you the message that it doesn't matter if his 'hobby' hurts you. He will carry on spending family money hurting you.

If it was bowling, it would still be wrong. When it's porn it's double wrong.