Do you expect a date to check you got home safely?

[NoySaga]

I went on a lovely 2nd date last night with a guy who I really like, we had a great time- lots of laughter, kissing, he even suggested we go somewhere else for a drink after we had finished dinner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place but I declined on this occasion and we have a date arranged for Saturday.
My problem is, it was cold, the roads were icy and dark and I had a 30 minute drive home from the restaurant. There was no text to check I’d got home safely or to say he had a nice time. Is it outdated to expect a guy to text and check you made it home safely? I feel it’s not very gentlemanly of him to have not messaged last night, or am I overreacting on this?

“Left for dead” 😂 An adult woman had a half hour drive home in a car ffs.

In answer to the OP, I wouldn’t expect a text any more than I would have texted him to check he got home safely. It’s not necessary when two grown-ups have been out for an evening unless there were other factors to consider, for example, you had said you were low on petrol or something before setting off. I would actually find it a bit clingy after two dates.

And I’m old so it’s nothing to do with being an old-fashioned thing.

Checking a woman has got home safely is absolutely nothing to do with equality within a relationship. It's a gesture of courtesy. My female friends and I do this for each other. Depressing how some men seem to want to punish women for equality by withdrawing small courtesies from them. Equally depressing when women facilitate male lack of consideration by their willingness to forego them.

So you go out for an evening with your mates and you all check with each other that you got home ok? That sounds very time consuming and annoying.

Agree. I’m nearly 60 and definitely female so as far from a ‘cool girl’ as it gets but I really think it makes so much more sense for the onus to be on the one arriving home to text to say ‘I’m home’ if that sort of thing is an issue for them.

That would drive me up the wall. I do have one friend who is a worrier and starts calling after 33 minutes if I’ve told her I’ll be home in 30 and she’s not heard from me.

Other than that I’ve done it or it expected it from anyone else.

It's a meaningless gesture, tho. After two dates, you're more likely to need a safe call to a friend about him than a faux-concern text from him. 😂

Completely agree,

It seems odd to get home, not text anyone to let them know you got home, but instead sit frothing that they haven’t text you to ask 😂

Only if you’re one of those low-energy Mnetters who retreat to the sofa in their pyjamas at 6pm. There will often be a WhatsApp group either for a specific friendship group or to have arranged a date for a specific event or night out, so it’s a matter of saying ‘Made it home’ once, if we’ve all had to scatter to find cabs or get night buses.

In a way, it doesn't matter whether you were being reasonable or not. He is not likely to be attentive enough for you . if you are looking for a future partner that thinks about these things, it looks like he doesn't see that as important.

It isn't. We have these handy gadgets called phones and a WhatsApp group. We can type 'home' in a fraction of the time it took you to post that. And a group of women have a safety check. Quite miraculous really.

Tbf I can't argue with that.

Not sure what planet the people are living on who asked did you text him, alright feminists we get it, well done you.

Yes, he should have checked. An icy drive is dangerous regardless of your sex. Did you hear from him the next day?

Bit presumptuous of him to try to get you to go home with him though, that would be a red flag for me.

Not at all. Maybe you live in the Bronx or somewhere but when I go out with my friends, we just assume we’ll make it home without being abducted, murdered or raped. And in almost 60 years and many, many nights out, no-one I’ve been out with has ever not made it home. Journeys don’t always go to plan but us all messaging each other to find out if it had gone smoothly wouldn’t have made a jot of difference to anyone’s situation in those cases.

It would totally get on my nerves having to check in with everyone every time I went out, like I was 14 again or something and giving two rings to my mum when I got to my friend’s house.

It would totally get on my nerves having to check in with everyone every time I went out, like I was 14 again or something and giving two rings to my mum when I got to my friend’s house.

Agree

Agree. I’m nearly 60 and definitely female so as far from a ‘cool girl’ as it gets but I really think it makes so much more sense for the onus to be on the one arriving home to text to say ‘I’m home’ if that sort of thing is an issue for them.

and agree with this.

I'm old too, and don't think I was ever 'cool' even when younger.
It's such a daft pseudo insult that people use on here, just because they have a different viewpoint.

Yup.

It's a meaningless gesture, tho. After two dates, you're more likely to need a safe call to a friend about him than a faux-concern text from him.

Quite

Not sure what planet the people are living on who asked did you text him, alright feminists we get it, well done you.
Yes, he should have checked. An icy drive is dangerous regardless of your sex. Did you hear from him the next day?

So, if you agree that "an icy drive is dangerous regardless of your sex", Why do you think it so odd that she might want to check he got home alright?

@NoySaga Well done for not going back to his.
I would have thought he’d have texted to see you were ok-
But maybe he doesn’t feel you are partners yet?

Even so, I wish even acquaintances a safe journey home if we’ve met up for any reason.( Men as well as women)

Your post really doesn't make sense as she could have shown the same courtesy to him by texting to ask if he was home safely! 🤔

So don't do it then. No need to try and belittle women who do by likening them to 14 year olds, is there? We should be supportive of women who want to look out for each other, not trying to put them off by implying they're annoying and childish.

No not on a second date.

This.

I find it really weird that other groups of women wouldn't automatically look out for each other in this way.

OP, I wouldn't see a man again if he didn't check in after a date, that would be a very easy decision for me.

Only if you’re one of those low-energy Mnetters who retreat to the sofa in their pyjamas at 6pm.

Oh ffs that old chestnut - I couldn’t be less like that. I’m out socially most weekends and I still don’t expect anyone to text to see if I got home ok. I’ve managed to get home ok so far in my 58 years on planet. If someone says to me ‘let me know when you’re home’ I will out of courtesy because they’ve asked me to but I wouldn’t under normal circumstances.

I'd say it's a bit weird not to punctuate a nice date with a 'hope you're home safe, it was lovely to see you.' an hour or so later. but I guess you didn't check whether he got home safe?
Maybe he went out with his mates after and got drunk. Maybe he went home to his wife and six kids? Haha, I hope not the latter!
It's probably not really anything to worry about in isolation, but it sounds like you've been offended already which is not a good start to a potential relationship.

She could if he'd been the one driving on the icy roads, and I might well have done.
However, the point is most men tend to believe that women are at greater risk than they are (probably down to all the news about women being raped and murdered by men) and so tend to show the care and courtesy of checking they're safe. There are of course a cohort of men who will be trawling the Internet for stats to show that its not true, its a load of exaggerated lies etc and bleating on about how equality means they dont need to bother. But in all honesty they're probably not going on many dates anyway so they don't matter.

7