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Original poster

Do you expect a date to check you got home safely?

155 replies

NoySaga · 21/11/2024 05:15

I went on a lovely 2nd date last night with a guy who I really like, we had a great time- lots of laughter, kissing, he even suggested we go somewhere else for a drink after we had finished dinner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place but I declined on this occasion and we have a date arranged for Saturday.
My problem is, it was cold, the roads were icy and dark and I had a 30 minute drive home from the restaurant. There was no text to check I’d got home safely or to say he had a nice time. Is it outdated to expect a guy to text and check you made it home safely? I feel it’s not very gentlemanly of him to have not messaged last night, or am I overreacting on this?

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/11/2024 10:26

Op update us to let us know if he bothers to follow up to arrange Saturday or not. Very likely he will as third date at the weekend highly likely will get a sleepover from his perspective

PrivacyPussyPasta · 21/11/2024 10:30

Did you ask if he got home safely and to tell him you had a good night?

RadioBamboo · 21/11/2024 10:30

I'm not sure why it matters what everyone else thinks. If you want to be in that sort of relationship and it matters to you then it matters. Find someone else who does text!

TwistedWonder · 21/11/2024 10:34

RadioBamboo · 21/11/2024 10:30

I'm not sure why it matters what everyone else thinks. If you want to be in that sort of relationship and it matters to you then it matters. Find someone else who does text!

Totally agree. As is always the case in these threads, there’s a variety of expectations and so what anyone else thinks is irrelevant, if it bothers the OP then it’s her choice to not see him again regardless of what other PP’s would do.

User364837 · 21/11/2024 10:37

In answer to your original OP, It would be nice.

I wonder if he was peeved he didn’t get you back to his.

Bewareofthisonetoo · 21/11/2024 10:38

I never understand this ‘get home safely thing! Getting home safely is what pretty much everyone does very rare not too!!
Did get a lovely text from a guy I went on a date with and he messaged yo check I’d got home and what a great evening and looking forward to seeing me again soon. Then… nothing.
So none of the texting malarkey ‘means’ anything.

leia24 · 21/11/2024 10:40

I wouldn't expect him to chrck I got home OK.
If he paid I would message him saying like thanks for such a lovely evening I had a really nice time
If we split or I paid then I'd expect him to message me

Autumnweddingguest · 21/11/2024 10:42

bluebalou · 21/11/2024 05:40

I would have expected that as standard, think it's pretty rude of him not to.
I'd be slightly annoyed that he didn't check.

But is it rude of her not to text him to say she had a good time/ask if he got home safely?

FrauPaige · 21/11/2024 11:01

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 21/11/2024 10:26

Op update us to let us know if he bothers to follow up to arrange Saturday or not. Very likely he will as third date at the weekend highly likely will get a sleepover from his perspective

I think this aspect is being overblown. They are adults, they are dating, they have had two fun dates, they have kissed passionately, OP has agreed to a third date where sex is not beyond the realms of imagination.

OP did not accuse her date of being pushy - she only expressed disappointment that he didn't text her to check on on her on her return from their date which she enjoyed.

RadioBamboo · 21/11/2024 15:20

Vegandiva · 21/11/2024 06:59

i vote to drop him as well, ignore the posters who are more than happy to be left for dead by their dates because they are such cool girls (or men, i’m not sure)

Anyone not suffering from princess syndrome is under suspicion of being a man!

Personally I would have blocked him immediately he didn't instruct his chauffeur to drive me home, while he walked in the other direction by himself through the rain to ensure I didn't feel under any uncomfortable pressure to invite him in. And I still would have expected him to text me and send some bloody flowers.

bluebalou · 21/11/2024 15:28

Have u heard anything from him today ?

Changeyourfuckingcar · 21/11/2024 15:31

I think it’s rather more usual to text and say you’re home safe / had a nice time etc rather than them texting you. Then the ball is in his court to ask you out again… or is that old fashioned? 😂

Buggysleeper · 21/11/2024 15:35

Maybe he didn’t get home safely, and that’s why he hasn’t asked you…

Notbinday · 21/11/2024 15:39

I would expect a text to say he had a good time, lovely to see you type of thing but not to check you got back ok, definitely not after two dates.

LightSpeeds · 21/11/2024 15:39

Yes, if was widely known that roads might be dangerous (and it probably was, given the weather these past few days) then I'd hope someone would check about me getting back safely (and I'd do the same for them).

I had a phone call with a guy from OLD once. I'd just had my Covid jab and quite suddenly started to feel pretty unwell during the call, explained to him and the call ended. He didn't follow up with any message for days (nice talking to you, hope you're OK, etc).

For me, this is a caution about someone's level of interest in me and other people, in general.

Notbinday · 21/11/2024 15:40

Have you heard from him today op?

category12 · 21/11/2024 17:15

NoySaga · 21/11/2024 09:39

Yes, I would have expected this and when he didn’t say that as we left, I did kind of expect a text to say ‘hope you got home ok’

Show quote history

Maybe I'm too literal-minded but a text like that would make me itch to reply facetiously - because if I hadn't got home alright, how would I answer? 😂

I'd much prefer a "had a great time" text than that kind of (how I'd see it) feigned concern.

But as people have said, we all have different preferences.

Sunnings · 21/11/2024 17:32

DesertKumquat · 21/11/2024 05:18

Sounds like he’s just wanting a shag and isn’t really thinking or concerned about you as a person.

This.
Your safety never occurred to him.
I wouldn't be impressed.
Suit yourself but I would be wary.

NewName24 · 21/11/2024 17:34

TwistedWonder · 21/11/2024 08:35

How long should he wait to check if you’re home? Surely it’s easier for you to to text to let him know you’re home if it worries you?

Id never expect anyone to check I’m home. If I want anyone to know I’ll text them first

This.

It makes no sense for him to text to ask if you got home safely. How does that work if you didn't answer? Does that mean you didn't ? Or that you were now asleep? Or that you switched your phone off ? How are they supposed to respond if you then don't answer? There's no logic to that at all.

If you thought he needed to know, then the onus is on you to let him know you've arrived safely.

In terms of "I had a nice evening" type text, that goes both ways. I see you've not answered any of the people asking what he said when you sent him that sort of message.

Lyannaa · 21/11/2024 17:35

I would expect him to check you got home safely, yes. And the fact he doesn't speaks to his future ability to respect your feelings.

FennelFan · 21/11/2024 17:37

If you were driving you are no more vulnerable than a man? Why should he text you but you not text him? Presumably you want equality in your relationship?

RubyStorm · 21/11/2024 17:43

ChaosHol1 · 21/11/2024 08:13

I think someone who did check would show they are caring and considerate and its something I'd be wanting to see from a prospective partner from the start but he's more interested in trying to get you home to his bed.

This. Sure OP is an adult and equality and all. But it's a nice gesture. It shows the person is still thinking of you after you've left. Not just "right! Home to bed now".

But MN seems to be full of people that hate any kind of romance and scream "but equality" any time you dare to expect a nice gesture from a man 🙄

It would put me off OP. Would I dump him right away? Probably I'd wait and see. But in my mind it would be strike 1. There's absolutely nothing wrong in having your own standards. Really doesn't matter who agrees or doesn't.

5128gap · 21/11/2024 17:43

Vegandiva · 21/11/2024 06:59

i vote to drop him as well, ignore the posters who are more than happy to be left for dead by their dates because they are such cool girls (or men, i’m not sure)

This. Competitive independence limbo.

dothehokeycokey · 21/11/2024 17:46

Been married for 22 years.

In our very first date the weather was awful
Neither of us were drinking as we were driving and had work early the next day.

My now dh insisted on driving me home because the weather was icy and bad. I declined because I'm a big girl and can take care of myself however he did insist I let him know as soon as I was back and I said the same to him.

recipientofraspberries · 21/11/2024 17:48

I would, yes. I know it’s not something everyone does, or is bothered about, but dating is about sussing out whether a person is on a similar wavelength with you about things that matter to you. I don’t think it makes someone a bad person to not check, but it would make me less sure about dating them I think.