Do you expect a date to check you got home safely?

[NoySaga]

I went on a lovely 2nd date last night with a guy who I really like, we had a great time- lots of laughter, kissing, he even suggested we go somewhere else for a drink after we had finished dinner.
He tried to get me to go back to his place but I declined on this occasion and we have a date arranged for Saturday.
My problem is, it was cold, the roads were icy and dark and I had a 30 minute drive home from the restaurant. There was no text to check I’d got home safely or to say he had a nice time. Is it outdated to expect a guy to text and check you made it home safely? I feel it’s not very gentlemanly of him to have not messaged last night, or am I overreacting on this?

Bit of a step there! Left for dead! Unless they are living in the world of A Quiet Place or the Walking Dead don't we assume we get home, especially when she was driving?

Yes, this.

My now DH shared a taxi home with me on my date (opposite direction he lived in) to make sure I got home safe. No ulterior motive, just didn't want me to feel uncomfortable in a taxi alone and wanted to make sure I was home safe and sound.

If that's your standard, don't let it slip because others don't have the same! It's basically 10 seconds of his time to text you and make sure you got home safe, if he wanted to it would be super easy.

Wow! So far in my 45 years of living I have made it home alive each and every time. The statistics are pretty good when it comes to making it home alive, and if I was dead I wouldn't know anyway. I must be a really cool girl (woman!).

I wouldn’t have called him to help if there was an issue but a common courtesy message of hope you got home safely, had a great evening with you…or something along those lines would have been nice to receive.

I am 47.

I've never had a man do this. Nor would I want them to.

I wouldn't consider it common courtesy (not least because it clearly isn't common).

I would’ve expected a follow up / check in message, yes.

I wouldn't expect it.

And I wouldn't check a new date had got home safely either.

I think someone who did check would show they are caring and considerate and its something I'd be wanting to see from a prospective partner from the start but he's more interested in trying to get you home to his bed.

He forgot about you once sex was not happening.

FFS, maybe the poor sod had gone to bed.
I would assume any competent adult could make it home, even in a bit of cold weather.
What was he meant to do if you hadn’t responded, put a coat on over his jim-jams and search the frozen ditches until he could rescue you?

Did you tell him you were nervous about the drive? If not, I woujdn’t expect a text.

i agree that his intentions weren’t exactly honourable either.

I'd have expected him before you set off to say, "text me when you get home, so I know you've got back ok". I wouldn't expect him to text to ask.

You’ll drive yourself mad with this analysis and gameplaying. You obviously didn’t message him! And it’s not even 9am the next day, plus you have another date arranged.

If it’s out you off, end it now. Otherwise you’ll be constantly picking over his communications wondering what it means.

Of course, I'd love for him to text me first. It doesn't have to be about checking if I got home, just something sweet about today. But if he doesn't, I'll text him first and see how he responds.

Same and I would find it a tad controlling tbh after only 2 dates

But what if you had fallen asleep and didnt reply, what is he supposed to have done then? call the police?

Texting to check you got home safely is completely meaningless unless you are expecting him to do something practical in case you didnt otherwise what is the point of it?

How long should he wait to check if you’re home? Surely it’s easier for you to to text to let him know you’re home if it worries you?

Id never expect anyone to check I’m home. If I want anyone to know I’ll text them first

Wait what? Is there a back story, why are you uncomfortable in taxi’s alone.

im not uncomfortable in taxis and if a man tried to do this id be utterly horrified and bin him immediately.

Texting to make sure you got home safely is not really about whether you are actually safe. It is saying "I care about you and want you to know that I do". I would be touched by a gesture like that. Not getting that message would not necessarily make me think less of him after two dates but his future behaviour (caring or not) would be telling.

But caring about someone you’ve met twice is a bit much, no?

Yes I would expect a text.

There was a similar thread a few months ago which descended into snidey digs about ‘low standards’ and counter digs about ‘needy and clingy’ as happens on MN.

As this thread already shows, we’re all different and if it bothers you it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If it’s put you off the guy then you can’t help how you feel.