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Gay hook up apps and straight married men

149 replies

JAY89J · 21/11/2024 03:44

God I don't know what has gotten into me lately but I suddenly have no hope left for men. I know I'm being irrational, but when you have seen what I've seen, and know what I know, it would leave you with doubts also. I just don't know where to go from here?

My gay friend has always told me about his sexual adventures or his friends adventures. Sometimes he will show me his hook up apps and I'll see who is online. Sometimes I'll hear stories that tells me who it was and whats going on in their world.

I was also online recently, and I read a story about a woman who was 6 months pregnant. Her husband and her usually had a really healthy sex life but since she got pregnant he was finding it difficult to do it. She got off nightshift work one day and went to bed. She woke up with a man closing a taxi door outside and entering their house. She crept downstairs to see who it was only to see through the closed door window panel, her husband having sex with a man from grindr (he eventually told her this and added that he had been doing it for 6 months). He never saw her and she went upstairs in shock and sat there not really knowing what to do. He came upstairs 30 mins later to have a shower after his friend left, and seen the look on her face, and he knew she knew. He begged and pleaded and she told him to leave. For 10 days he tried to get her back or to talk but she wasn't ready. On the 10th day he got a call from her father at the hospital to say she had lost their baby daughter due to complications related to stress. He tried to take his own life but was unsuccessful and kept apologising but obviously it was too late. What made it worse was that she was 44 and that was most probably her last chance to have a child, and he took that from her.

On reddit there are subreddits, and one is bi married men. On one post it had "discreet down low (no one knows or will ever know he cheats with men, is what this means) man who is seeking a man" to have sex with and he "can't host (they can't do it at his house is what he means." He posted a pic of his genitals and in the background there was this beautifully decorated home with his baby's toys all over the floor. I couldn't help but wonder where his wife was and how heartbroken she would be if she saw those pictures.

Another story is about a woman who keeps catching her man seeking out men online, but hasn't told him she's caught him again. She is thinking of getting a sex change. She's obviously feeling destroyed and her self esteem is shattered with him. It's all so sad and I feel angry for these women.

One woman on YouTube told her story about a date she went on and the guy was handsome and seemed like he was attracted to her. But only 10 mins in and... his boyfriend ended up showing up, and shouting at this poor girl, who had no idea. The date was all "I'm sorry babe. I wouldn't cheat on you, I just was just talking to her as a friend." Completely dismissing her altogether, and he ended up just walking out with his angry boyfriend shouting "you need to stop doing this to me Ryan. Why did I trust you again..." He left her with the bill also. 😄

These stories, along with many more, and all the info that I get from my friend and the apps, it all has me actually wondering if any men are straight? There are way too many who are recently getting caught due to the power of the internet, and it's shedding light on something women never think about. Do men actually want us, or just the masculine full straight reputation, or the sheilds from stigma and then their children? All these women who were in happy relationships or even some in the bad ones, wouldn't think for a second that their men are out there getting dick on the side. Their too busy looking for other women. The amount of gay for pay porn stars nowadays is outragious. Which means that it's now just a normal part of our culture and maybe some of us haven't caught up yet.

Most just want sex or the dick and not the men behind it though. Many of them want and need prostate orgasms, and can't cum as easily with vaginal sex. Some are kidding themselves and are gay but many are bisexual. Unfaithful bisexuals at that. Where does the line get drawn though? Some of these men I would have never have thought they were upto all sorts with men. Thanks to all these desperate looking weirdos, I now have lost all faith in men. When it comes to sex (and I'm no prude) is this all they want from us? One man wrote that us women are now finally getting a taste of our own medicine for all the years we controlled the sexual activities, and now they are able go just get it whenever, and with whoever. Mostly thanks to sexuality becoming more socially acceptable in every sense. Are women just a sheild from stigma and an incubator. But the men can still give them better orgams (prostate orgasms are strong)? My heads frazzled, but everywhere I turn there is something to remind me, and I feel like this is the new normal. Why is it so off putting for some women to think of their men with men sexually? Or is it the thought that their man prefers men sexually? Now if a man is interested, all I think is that he is only trying to say he is attracted to women because society has conditioned him this way or he just wants the sheild and children. That can't be true surely? Can I go back to being blissfully unaware please? Or even a lesbian? Rant over, sorry.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
MaggieBsBoat · 15/04/2025 06:39

Well this is interesting thread.
I’ve had sex with comparatively many men I think (I’m 52) - dozens. And only one or two out of that number (and maybe they were lying or didn’t know) didn’t like pegging. Based on that I’d say that all the guys I’ve had sex with probably would’ve given sex with a man a go - even if just once and none of them would’ve thought to call themselves bisexual probably (though my DH said he’s not sure when I’ve asked). I think women would be shocked if men were entirely open with them.

Dellspoem · 15/04/2025 06:44

I also think/ kind of know OP is right

CherryBlossomPie · 15/04/2025 06:46

Quite a lot to unpick. Gay sex culture is much more hi want to fuck yes. Has been like this for YEARS.

Would most men like gay sex. Probably in as much as women would. Personally I'd try sex with a woman but I know I'd always prefer a man. I just don't think people who know they aren't gay could become gay 😂 Maybe it would be fun for a while. But not enough that I'd fuck up an existing good relationship to indulge. Even it I had a phase / mid life crisis or whatever, I could probably navigate it without basically cheating.

I'm wary of generalisations about the opposite sex, I never think generalisations are helpful.

I don't feel like I need a narrative about men to explain or justify my position as single person.

changedname1979 · 15/04/2025 06:56

OP’s examples are all written like stories with the use of language, very strange.

SpikyCoconut · 15/04/2025 08:17

changedname1979 · 15/04/2025 06:56

OP’s examples are all written like stories with the use of language, very strange.

People write differently depending on life experience, interest in writing/etymology,education level and quality, background, culture and race...

Ratisshortforratthew · 15/04/2025 08:46

JAY89J · 15/04/2025 01:26

I just watched Love Never Lies on Netflix. The Polish edition. A fucking couple are on there due to him cheating on her with a man before they were about to get married. I'm coming in here to rant about it. I can't get away from it. I turned it off. I couldn't watch it because then I became biased. I will always be on the side of women and will always hope that women will help other women see that it's better to just lean into each other as good friends to help them see that they dont have than live with a man and those dark clouds of doubts.

Just for the record, as I know someone mentioned this, I can't help that I can't be attracted to bisexual men. I can't turn that switch on. I've tried. Most women won't take those risks as the biological unconscious feelings aside us will always leave a doubt cloud hanging over us. I think what men don't realise is that the majority of women don't trust any man to a certain extent. Most women prepare themselves unknowingly throughout their life, to possibly expect their men to cheat with another woman. This isn't necessarily all about trust, though. It's about attraction, and the more risks a man has that's attached to him, the more drier some women will get. There is no malicious controllable attraction switch that's turned off. But if anyone knows how to turn it to on, then I'd be happy to hear it.

To be honest, I'd rather hear the tips on how to be a lesbian. I'd be a great lesbian! I hate that I love men.

Edited

You don’t have to date or be attracted to bi men. It’s the insinuation they’re not real men that’s the issue.

Notsosure1 · 15/04/2025 09:42

BigDahliaFan · 15/04/2025 06:31

Yes as a PP said, dating apps attract cheats. Sat with a gay friend in aNT tea shop surrounded by families. He showed mr the Grindr app pinging away with the husbands….

He was pinging the men IN the tea shop? Seriously? 🤔😳

Notsosure1 · 15/04/2025 09:43

Ratisshortforratthew · 15/04/2025 08:46

You don’t have to date or be attracted to bi men. It’s the insinuation they’re not real men that’s the issue.

I guess maybe OP meant ‘typical’ men?

NameChangedOfc · 15/04/2025 10:11

I'm sorry you've had to witness (directly or indirectly) all this mysoginistic depravedness, and I'm pretty sure I'd feel the same way.

But these are not "men" or "straight men": these are narcissistic perverts. They come in all shapes and sizes. Many are women too (although female perversion looks different). I know this is exactly what MN calls "being a NAMALT", but in this cases of sexual depravity (the depravity being the cheating, treason and stealthiness, not the homosexuality, before anyone jumps), I really do believe it is more useful to see it as it is: a percentage of people are narcissists and that overlaps with sexual misconduct tendencies.
But yes: it's a sh*t show and does make you lose faith in heterosexual relationships.
I recommend you go listen to beautiful music, look at soulful art or watch some children play to cleanse your soul 💐

EarthSight · 15/04/2025 10:32

I think you've been rattled at the amount of deceit out there. That not only you have to be aware of other women as potential threats, but men too, at a scale you weren't prepared for.

I sympathise and understands why this would shake you, but the length of your multiple posts about this one topic suggests you could do with logging off the internet for a while.

Notthisnonsenseagain · 15/04/2025 10:48

I’m sorry to say this but the OP is speaking the truth. I also see this everywhere - work and play. Couldn’t believe it at first but it’s correct.

Anonykunt · 15/04/2025 16:38

MaggieBsBoat · 15/04/2025 06:39

Well this is interesting thread.
I’ve had sex with comparatively many men I think (I’m 52) - dozens. And only one or two out of that number (and maybe they were lying or didn’t know) didn’t like pegging. Based on that I’d say that all the guys I’ve had sex with probably would’ve given sex with a man a go - even if just once and none of them would’ve thought to call themselves bisexual probably (though my DH said he’s not sure when I’ve asked). I think women would be shocked if men were entirely open with them.

No way. Grin Are you sure they didn't seek you out because it was known you had a pegging fetish? I really thought pegging was kind of fringe.

ChessorBuckaroo · 15/04/2025 17:36

Notsosure1 · 12/04/2025 06:40

You are massively overestimating the numbers OP. Gay/bi is low single digits.

But how do you know?

Publicised numbers. Unless you have data to counter that assertion?

OP is making out every other man is gay/bi. It's nothing of the case.

ChessorBuckaroo · 15/04/2025 17:52

SnoopyPajamas · 15/04/2025 01:54

This is really weird. I second the posters who say you need to get off the internet and touch grass for a bit, OP.

If you hang out with gay men, you're going to hear the odd story about closeted 'straight' men hitting them up on Grindr. That's par for the course. But it's hardly rampant. You're acting like every other man is running off to shag his mates behind his wife's back. Which is, frankly, nuts. Male sexuality is different from female sexuality, that's true - but trawling Grindr is still a line most men won't cross.

Your perception of how common this is is wildly overblown. You've got about two real life examples of it happening, and everything else you're getting online. If you keep searching out this kind of content, the algorithm will keep showing it to you. But that doesn't mean anything. Just because you're seeing a new story every five minutes and it feels like this is happening everywhere, doesn't mean it actually is. It could be one in ten thousand men. They could be on different continents. Someone could have made up five fake stories about it to get attention on Reddit.

Take a deep breath and stop letting yourself get so wound up about it.

Totally agree.

OP has an unhealthy outlook on this subject and is using the few examples she knows as some sort of confirmation bias that this is common.

I've been around my gay cousin my entire life, known he was gay from when we were children, and via him I've some basic knowledge of the gay scene. I recognise nothing what OP believes. What is common is gay men lamenting the fact such and such is straight, which most men are.

JAY89J · 15/04/2025 18:27

I can't find my post, but i apologise. I obviously meant real "straight" men. Just wanting to be something isn't enough when other people's feelings are involved, IMO.

I was offline. I was off the net for a while after my first post. It's still around me, though. I just come on here to vent.

It's definitely confirmation bias... to an extent. The whole Diddy case has people fixated on his sexuality. The Dwight Howard case was brought back up after he just got engaged to a woman, and people have made jokes, especially about the pictures the tabloids took with them. It's confirmation bias, but it is also just where we are as a society, I think.

Has anyone watched that netflix show yet? It's frustrating to watch more than anything. He was cheating only with men for their whole 10 year marriage, including 4 months before they married and 2 weeks before the show! She still took him back and wanted therapy as a cure-all. On the reunion, they said they have spilt now, but thank god the rest of the cast let him know what a selfish person he was. Because she was justifying his actions as he sat there like a victim with his whole excuse of sexuality being confusing and she didn't have sex as much with him after she found out he cheated with a man the first time. So he obviously had a man come on to him, and so he just had to entertain it. Women who don't should know now that men have needs, so this is what happens when they dont comply, is what it sounded like. No one asks why the woman who didn't get an orgasm their whole marriage, never mind if they ever cheat on him at all, still manages to get the blame. Slowly, a whole new standard is being set for hetrosexual relationships possibly.

Has anyone been on the website LPSG? There are a LOT of old men on there using those loopholes with their wives not having sex with them as they think they are too old, so they find other men instead. It stops their wives from being suspicious, but they won't communicate with them that intimacy is important to them still. They won't leave either as they're too old for starting over. This is what was in one post a while back with 6 older men. It would shock some women if they knew the excuses men used. Women need to stop romanticising every little moment with men. Start to see that for them sex and emotions can be separated. Empathy and respect can be the only things to stop people from hurting others. Just as it can be for some women, too. I just think my view on all men has now changed forever with a huge question mark, and that's not something I'm happy about. This is the next level, Daddy issues.

Anyone watches the show or sees the lpsg posts (I left the site and haven't been on for a while), then let me know. But any negative comments can be kept to yourself. Another thing that's popular on the Internet is not just young immature trolls who write when they are bored or for a laugh. Some are just middle-aged, or old bitter people, who will take all the negatives in their own lives and any built up feelings and resentments and then throw it back to others who are struggling with their unhelpful, hostile posts. I don't understand why some even waste their energy to post back at all.

OP posts:
JAY89J · 15/04/2025 18:31

ChessorBuckaroo · 15/04/2025 17:52

Totally agree.

OP has an unhealthy outlook on this subject and is using the few examples she knows as some sort of confirmation bias that this is common.

I've been around my gay cousin my entire life, known he was gay from when we were children, and via him I've some basic knowledge of the gay scene. I recognise nothing what OP believes. What is common is gay men lamenting the fact such and such is straight, which most men are.

Maybe I need better company .

OP posts:
devourfeculence · 15/04/2025 19:47

Maybe you should stop spending all your free time actively looking for men who want to cheat with other men and ranting about it on mumsnet. It doesn't seem healthy.

The13thFairy · 16/04/2025 13:08

When you close your eyes, a mouth is a mouth . . .

JAY89J · 17/04/2025 19:07

devourfeculence · 15/04/2025 19:47

Maybe you should stop spending all your free time actively looking for men who want to cheat with other men and ranting about it on mumsnet. It doesn't seem healthy.

Well, genius..

  1. I'm not always on the internet. I do work and have a life, but albeit, not an exciting one.
  2. I'm not always going out to "look" for things on the internet. Sometimes, they find me. Although now that I'm aware of all the previous stories around this topic, then when they are around me, they tend to stick out more. I'm probably unconsciously looking for those who do stick out as well.
  3. I had really come on here to vent and for helpful advice. Do you think it makes a positive change for me if I didn't write it online? No.

Your comment was snarky, but thanks for stating the obvious here. The more time I spend writing to the non believers that these type of men exist, and also to the ones who think going around with my eyes closed helps to solve my problem, then the less time I have to stumble across these creeps who cheat on women.

When did the internet become one big pot of bitter, hateful messages, and stories that are fuelled by trolls and weirdos? It's should be illegal on a mums page. Everyone should take a course on 'If you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all." People give off the impression sometimes that they are doing it for their own entertainment. I believe they get so used to seeing these kind of messages that they think it is normal. The thing people behind screens don't understand is that you never know what someone else is going through on the other side, and how far you have just pushed them for your own entertainment.

Thanks to those who did write nice or helpful messages. I think now is a good time to stop venting on here, maybe, and just embrace the fact that I may just die with 76 cats or be the next Mrs Ted Haggard.

OP posts:
MattBerningerstrophywife · 18/04/2025 21:52

StMarie4me · 11/04/2025 08:39

None of my sons would be interested in any kind of sex outside their marriages/ relationships. They have seen the devastation that cheating causes. Their moral codes are high, and they love and respect their partners.

With all due respect, if they were into sex outside of marriage, you’re the last person they would be admitting that too!

DamselinDistress24 · 19/04/2025 09:48

Just for the record, as I know someone mentioned this, I can't help that I can't be attracted to bisexual men. I can't turn that switch on. I've tried.

I don't even know why you'd try.

I do not find gay, bi, (also transvestite, submissive, or men who enjoy being pegged etc.) sexually attractive. Quite the opposite.

I feel that's a perfectly understandable and reasonable place to be for a heterosexual woman. I would never knowingly have sexual contact with any man in the above categories.

(I'm very happy to be mates with them, if they're nice people; but simply would never find them sexually attractive or see them as potential partners).

I would never try to overcome that natural aversion.

There are plenty of men around to date, fuck, settle with etc. who do not fit within those categories.

DamselinDistress24 · 19/04/2025 09:58

just embrace the fact that I may just die with 76 cats or be the next Mrs Ted Haggard.

Dating is a numbers game and a luck game.

This attitude is not constructive.

Keep your wits about you, a thick skin, and strong boundaries....and keep dating.

Don't make old your only source.

Think about what type of guy you'd like to meet and what he'd be doing/where he might be going.

Try mixed sex sports and hobbies.

Try meet up, festivals, gigs, classes men might attend.

I had to Google ted haggard. In addition to being a gay/bi man using his wife as a beard, he's now being potentially prosecuted for a relationship with a young church member and for inappropriately touching other church members including an underage one.

So basically he's a sex offender; and you get proper time for that in the US.

He'll be spending a lot of time in court rooms.

Is he supposed to be representative?

He's also clearly a fundamental religious person (part of the reason why he wouldn't come out and live life how he wants) ...again, is that representative? Most people in the UK for example are agnostic.

I wouldn't concentrate on this to a disproportionate degree.

JAY89J · 21/04/2025 20:20

Even looking at Mr Haggard, he just looked off, and I'm not even talking about his sexuality. I am not surprised one bit about that news. I haven't heard about him since he was outed, and then he put himself back in the closet and claimed he was abused when he was a child, so this led him to that point. The meth use was unexpected, though.

Maybe I'll be Mrs Aaron Hernandez then. At least he was prettier. The murderous, psychotic behaviour is a bit of a deal breaker, though. Who would have thought he was at it as well? I didn't.

I was watching true crime 2 nights ago about the murder of Bethany Deaton. I did not expect it to have go where it did.

I actually didn't realise the amount of true crime closeted cases with murdered women there were..

▪︎ Sudan Osborne and her son Evan Chartrand are still unsolved, but it's obvious, and her husband has remarried, is what I've heard.
▪︎ Jasvir Ginday
▪︎ Mitesh Patel - he actually moved his lover in and said it was his friend.
▪︎ Minister David Chenery- Wickens
▪︎ The popular Mr. Staircase lover and professional gay military porn critiquer himself, Michael Peterson. Who is now out of prison, which is shocking.
▪︎ Jane Waughfield - After catching this man with another man, he and his lover chased her and tried to kill her. She was found shot to death shortly afterwards.
.. I could go on and on tbh.

I think I just need to work on myself at the moment. Build up my trust in others. I don't think I've ever trusted men, if I'm honest, but I at least thought being the right gender was something I had not needed to worry about.

OP posts:
JAY89J · 21/04/2025 20:41

DamselinDistress24 · 19/04/2025 09:48

Just for the record, as I know someone mentioned this, I can't help that I can't be attracted to bisexual men. I can't turn that switch on. I've tried.

I don't even know why you'd try.

I do not find gay, bi, (also transvestite, submissive, or men who enjoy being pegged etc.) sexually attractive. Quite the opposite.

I feel that's a perfectly understandable and reasonable place to be for a heterosexual woman. I would never knowingly have sexual contact with any man in the above categories.

(I'm very happy to be mates with them, if they're nice people; but simply would never find them sexually attractive or see them as potential partners).

I would never try to overcome that natural aversion.

There are plenty of men around to date, fuck, settle with etc. who do not fit within those categories.

I'm the same, but apparently, it's biphobic. They claim if you love a man and then leave him just on his sexuality alone, then you are phobic. I would like this to not be an issue, and therefore, I would possibly find more men attractive. I did get to a point, though, where i was sick of hearing or reading, so many of them say that it is wrong for thinking and feeling this way, and so my thought process needed changing.

This is the message a bisexual man sent to a woman whose husband had been cheating on her with male escorts and watching gay porn. I really don't think they get women or our desires at all.
"I think he is a bisexual and would like to have some M2M sex but loves you and wants to be married and have a full life. He just wants some sex on the side with a guy. To be honest, this is more common than many people know. If he is like most, he loves sex with you and your life. That is his priority.
With that said he has urges, desires for m2m sex where there is no emotion, it is just sex. Some men only want this once a year or so, they just do not feel they can tell their wives. Bisexuals come in variations of desire for sex, some want both all the time. Some just want sex from time to time, they all want family as the priority.
My feeling is you would not accept that he has these feelings and assume he is gay. Then dump him and he loses you and his family. He does not want that, he wants you very much. It is hard to explain, most people do not understand bisexuals."

It's just weird why he thought this would help. ".. it's just sex .." he claimed, but then why not have "just sex" with her? I'm glad other people had some sense and gave her good advice.

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 21/04/2025 21:18

It's a bit of a stretch to think that all men secretly want sex with other men, based on your gay friends Grindr activity and stories. Of course some married men do this - scummy cheats. But plenty don't.

Of course there are straight men out there and there are also decent men who would never cheat on their spouses/ partners.