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Gay hook up apps and straight married men

149 replies

JAY89J · 21/11/2024 03:44

God I don't know what has gotten into me lately but I suddenly have no hope left for men. I know I'm being irrational, but when you have seen what I've seen, and know what I know, it would leave you with doubts also. I just don't know where to go from here?

My gay friend has always told me about his sexual adventures or his friends adventures. Sometimes he will show me his hook up apps and I'll see who is online. Sometimes I'll hear stories that tells me who it was and whats going on in their world.

I was also online recently, and I read a story about a woman who was 6 months pregnant. Her husband and her usually had a really healthy sex life but since she got pregnant he was finding it difficult to do it. She got off nightshift work one day and went to bed. She woke up with a man closing a taxi door outside and entering their house. She crept downstairs to see who it was only to see through the closed door window panel, her husband having sex with a man from grindr (he eventually told her this and added that he had been doing it for 6 months). He never saw her and she went upstairs in shock and sat there not really knowing what to do. He came upstairs 30 mins later to have a shower after his friend left, and seen the look on her face, and he knew she knew. He begged and pleaded and she told him to leave. For 10 days he tried to get her back or to talk but she wasn't ready. On the 10th day he got a call from her father at the hospital to say she had lost their baby daughter due to complications related to stress. He tried to take his own life but was unsuccessful and kept apologising but obviously it was too late. What made it worse was that she was 44 and that was most probably her last chance to have a child, and he took that from her.

On reddit there are subreddits, and one is bi married men. On one post it had "discreet down low (no one knows or will ever know he cheats with men, is what this means) man who is seeking a man" to have sex with and he "can't host (they can't do it at his house is what he means." He posted a pic of his genitals and in the background there was this beautifully decorated home with his baby's toys all over the floor. I couldn't help but wonder where his wife was and how heartbroken she would be if she saw those pictures.

Another story is about a woman who keeps catching her man seeking out men online, but hasn't told him she's caught him again. She is thinking of getting a sex change. She's obviously feeling destroyed and her self esteem is shattered with him. It's all so sad and I feel angry for these women.

One woman on YouTube told her story about a date she went on and the guy was handsome and seemed like he was attracted to her. But only 10 mins in and... his boyfriend ended up showing up, and shouting at this poor girl, who had no idea. The date was all "I'm sorry babe. I wouldn't cheat on you, I just was just talking to her as a friend." Completely dismissing her altogether, and he ended up just walking out with his angry boyfriend shouting "you need to stop doing this to me Ryan. Why did I trust you again..." He left her with the bill also. 😄

These stories, along with many more, and all the info that I get from my friend and the apps, it all has me actually wondering if any men are straight? There are way too many who are recently getting caught due to the power of the internet, and it's shedding light on something women never think about. Do men actually want us, or just the masculine full straight reputation, or the sheilds from stigma and then their children? All these women who were in happy relationships or even some in the bad ones, wouldn't think for a second that their men are out there getting dick on the side. Their too busy looking for other women. The amount of gay for pay porn stars nowadays is outragious. Which means that it's now just a normal part of our culture and maybe some of us haven't caught up yet.

Most just want sex or the dick and not the men behind it though. Many of them want and need prostate orgasms, and can't cum as easily with vaginal sex. Some are kidding themselves and are gay but many are bisexual. Unfaithful bisexuals at that. Where does the line get drawn though? Some of these men I would have never have thought they were upto all sorts with men. Thanks to all these desperate looking weirdos, I now have lost all faith in men. When it comes to sex (and I'm no prude) is this all they want from us? One man wrote that us women are now finally getting a taste of our own medicine for all the years we controlled the sexual activities, and now they are able go just get it whenever, and with whoever. Mostly thanks to sexuality becoming more socially acceptable in every sense. Are women just a sheild from stigma and an incubator. But the men can still give them better orgams (prostate orgasms are strong)? My heads frazzled, but everywhere I turn there is something to remind me, and I feel like this is the new normal. Why is it so off putting for some women to think of their men with men sexually? Or is it the thought that their man prefers men sexually? Now if a man is interested, all I think is that he is only trying to say he is attracted to women because society has conditioned him this way or he just wants the sheild and children. That can't be true surely? Can I go back to being blissfully unaware please? Or even a lesbian? Rant over, sorry.

OP posts:
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QueenBitch666 · 30/11/2024 14:22

My friend is gay. He's had more married ' straight' men that he's probably hot dinners ( slight exaggeration only 🤢 )

Marypoppinss · 30/11/2024 15:10

Josette77 · 24/11/2024 05:48

Normal straight family men don't go on gay dating apps.

I would say happily married men don't go on (gay) dating apps.

Completely heterosexual men also do not go on gay dating apps. They may say they are straight but they clearly aren't if they are looking for dick.

In regards to the married men on dating apps, i don't think this is as black and white as it seems and usually it is because they are looking for a third party and or are into the kink scene / open relationships. The reality is, if they really were looking to cheat then there will almost always be someone who knows them who sees their profile so it would be pretty stupid.

Layingpipe · 30/11/2024 15:11

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applebee33 · 30/11/2024 15:25

My friend is gay and I was shocked to see how many married men had messaged him and actively wanted sex from him . I knew some of them too ! Awful

shuggles · 30/11/2024 15:34

These stories, along with many more, and all the info that I get from my friend and the apps, it all has me actually wondering if any men are straight?

Clearly the overwhelming majority of men are straight, and never consider having sex with other men.

I agree though that gay men should never be in relationships with women, and it's less excusable today than ever as society is now generally accepting of gay people.

Most just want sex or the dick and not the men behind it though.

Straight men who just want sex will never have sex with other men. Straight men generally find other men repulsive.

Hoppinggreen · 30/11/2024 15:36

I used to work in a hotel where there were a lot of conferences. Myself and some of the other staff lived in, one of us was a very camp young man who rarely spent a night alone. Naively I said I was surprised at how many of the conference delgates were unmarried and gay (pre same sex marriage) and he looked at me pityingly before explaning that most of his "conquests" were indeed married - to women. He also had a lot of luck at the local USAF base.
Eye opening

Layingpipe · 30/11/2024 15:36

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shuggles · 30/11/2024 15:42

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Why would I want to see a porn video with two ugly people?

EvilMorty · 30/11/2024 15:47

premonition · 21/11/2024 22:51

I think OP is right.

I think one day we'll look back at how naive we all were.

The OP has had her eyes opened and she's not wrong. I have seen and heard similar from gay friends and their Grindr app.

The amount of green lights available within a half mile at 3am on Grindr, it's not actually possible for it to be 'just' gay men. Unless I live in gay town in the gay capital of England, most of the men on those apps must be normal, straight, family men.

I don’t think she’s wrong either. I know a man who does this and you wouldn’t think it of him either.

Layingpipe · 30/11/2024 15:49

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Onand · 30/11/2024 15:55

I have a friend of a friend who is a male escort- his stories about clients are very eye opening. I guess curiosity is far more widespread than people think.

Those from Strict communities or with religious families often have no option to either toe the line and live a lie or leave everything behind - more toe the line than leave.

shuggles · 30/11/2024 15:55

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I have never seen a man who isn't ugly. Again, why would I want to watch a porn video with two ugly people?

Layingpipe · 30/11/2024 15:59

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shuggles · 30/11/2024 16:10

@Onand I have a friend of a friend who is a male escort- his stories about clients are very eye opening. I guess curiosity is far more widespread than people think.

I don't get the whole curiosity thing.

Look at picture of naked man. Does penis get hard? If yes, sex with men will be enjoyable. If no, sex with men will not be enjoyable.

No need to meet an "escort" for "curiosity."

JAY89J · 30/11/2024 16:12

I don't know if you mean this in the literal sense or just that they are not straight because they are bisexual or gay from sleeping with men. Either way, I can assure you that there are men who are married or have partners, and even some with kids, who identify as "straight." They go on gay hook up apps or sites like reddit and lpsg, etc, to seek out discreet sex with other men, with no strings attatched. "DISCREET" is short for "I don't want anyone to know about this, especially my wife." These men don't actually seek out men for a relationship (lucky us, eh?).

They are mostly men who have dead bedrooms, and their wives haven't put out in a while (that coild be a day to some men), some said they were looking to get a blwjb because his partner won't do it and someone else was on it because he wants his prostate tickled with the real thing and his wife won't do the strap on dance (and why should she!?)

Some have porn/sex addictions, which causes them to consistently seek out the next best pleasurable feeling. Their behaviour tends to escalate over a period of time, with each new taboo subject getting them more aroused online until they get to the point where they want to try it. Which leads them into the dilema of loving their partners still (ehh? 🤔), but unable to become aroused with something that isn't unique to them, or taboo, so they seek that part elsewhere with men which means no strings.

Some men are functioning drug addicts to stimulants such as meth etc, as they heighten your arousal state. So there are many reasons but none worth the pain they cause people when they are caught. Nothing stays a secret forever.

There are p*rn videos online, made by a gay escort, who was actually charged (don't hold me to this, as I may be wrong) for filming his clients without them knowing. He never showed their faces or anything identifiable (I think), just the neck down and their clothes or no clothes. The one that I saw was a high-school football coach (as his jumper stated, and also his apolgy for being late, had both suggested.) The escort with ever client js always waiting on the bed, on all fours, ready to be penetrated, with his face away from the client and the door. That way, he doesn't see the client. The client msgs ahead to say he's on his way, then he tells him to walk into a certain motel door number in 10 mins. When he comes in, he takes his shoes off in a hurried way and says hi with no awkwardness in sight. This man has been using this escort for a while. He has porn playing in the background for the client, but he is already raring to go, and in less than a minute, he's done. He doesn't really acknowledge the male escort in a loving, desirable way, so you know it was just to scratch that itch. He then said he needed that after the day he had and started talking about him and his wife's plans at the weekend. This man got these escorts from an app or site advertising sex. Some facts may be way off as I'm going from memory of a short clip my friend showed me 2 years ago or more. Something about it has obviously stuck in my head.

If you can, check out the following video. It may all be BS, but who knows?....

I don't know how much of this fact is true, but I saw a documentary a couple of months ago, which said that in the US, HIV diagnoses for African American women were on the rise and had surpurpassed all other genders and races at that point in time. The two women who were interviewed said that they got it from their boyfriend and husband, who were both having sex with different men behind their backs. I'm not African American or even American, so I haven't fact checked this, so it could be rubbish.

OK, I'm going offline for now. I need to tend to my grass, which I've become terribly fond of.Thank you to whoever suggested it. Although I barely have time to cut my blo*dy grass, never mind touch it.

OP posts:
Garlicpest · 30/11/2024 16:12

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 22/11/2024 15:46

Hahaha, this post is comedy gold. As a bi man, I can promise you that most men are very much not interested in other men.

(When I was single I seemed to only ever be interested in the straight guys!)

Haha 🤣 As I'm sure you're aware, we women find that all the best men are gay!

BlushingBrightly · 30/11/2024 16:20

Got to say that the Gisele Pelicot case has been a huge eye opener about what men will do if it suits them and if they think they'll get away with it. Not saying gay sex is equivalent to rape at all - former is fine between consenting adults, the latter is a crime - but it's about not really caring that something is socially less desirable, let's say, if they want to do it and don't think they'll get caught.

Cattery · 30/11/2024 16:23

I think it also shows us that the internet, whilst a marvellous mine of knowledge and information-sharing, is also an open sewer

MattBerningerstrophywife · 30/11/2024 16:27

Jeeze @JAY89J you are a wee bit over invested in this. I’m sure there are some men doing this sort of thing. But the majority or even a lot of them? Nah

JazzyJelly · 30/11/2024 16:35

BlushingBrightly · 30/11/2024 16:20

Got to say that the Gisele Pelicot case has been a huge eye opener about what men will do if it suits them and if they think they'll get away with it. Not saying gay sex is equivalent to rape at all - former is fine between consenting adults, the latter is a crime - but it's about not really caring that something is socially less desirable, let's say, if they want to do it and don't think they'll get caught.

I think it's this. Combined with the internet, men are more able than ever to indulge whatever wishes they might have. Previously it might have remained a fantasy, but now you can meet someone willing to do pretty much anything if you look hard enough.

I genuinely don't think women understand men's sexuality and vice versa. But that could be due to bad experiences on my part.

FumingTRex · 30/11/2024 16:45

I think you need to spend less time on the internet . Most people are busy trying to earn a living, look after kids etc and dont do this sort of thing, though i know some do.

smallchange · 30/11/2024 17:13

JazzyJelly · 30/11/2024 16:35

I think it's this. Combined with the internet, men are more able than ever to indulge whatever wishes they might have. Previously it might have remained a fantasy, but now you can meet someone willing to do pretty much anything if you look hard enough.

I genuinely don't think women understand men's sexuality and vice versa. But that could be due to bad experiences on my part.

Yep. There's definitely a minority of men who are all about the orgasm and who facilitates that isn't very important.

What is important varies, but ease of access plus or minus novelty is part of it.

Discretion for those running "conventional" lives alongside the extracurriculars is another factor, and married women, paying for it, or men may all be perceived to offer this. What you don't want is someone looking for a relationship.

Male sexuality is odd and "I have sex with men but I'm straight" is illogical but what they truly believe.

JAY89J · 30/11/2024 17:13

MattBerningerstrophywife · 30/11/2024 16:27

Jeeze @JAY89J you are a wee bit over invested in this. I’m sure there are some men doing this sort of thing. But the majority or even a lot of them? Nah

Not from me investing anything. Maybe just one or two searches, that's it. Most came from friends, and just hearing what's going on or accidental finds like that YouTube video. It's not hard with lgbt topics being more mainstream and trendier these days. When you stop and think about it, men can, and we all know MANY have done billions of times before, had sex with someone they were in no way attracted to. We also all love to be in the company of our own gender for various reasons. Men usually love being with their boys and the whole camaraderie of it all. A gay for pay porn star had said that he was 100% straight because he uses his imagination during his personal, alone time with his hand so he does the same when he's with a man (don't know about that but anyway..). It just got me thinking that, of course, they would take the chance of free sex on a plate with no expectations. Some don't, even, in fact I would say that most, don't even have actual sex. Gay men are usually just happy enough to be allowed to get them off. So he just closes his eyes, and this poor gay man is doing all the work.

If a straight man who has to have sex with someone who is on an attractive scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most attractive and he has 2 choices, who would he choose?
â™§ A guy who is a 10
♡ A girl who is a 3
Most would say a girl outwardly, but I believe the majority would pick the guy as men are visual creatures. Some of them really love those gym mirrors. They also get some male bkndkng time afterwards.

Every man I look at, I just think he's gay now. there's no point. It's crazy. I like to know what I'm keeping and, more importantly, who I can trust. It screams instability.

OP posts:
JAY89J · 30/11/2024 17:25

FumingTRex · 30/11/2024 16:45

I think you need to spend less time on the internet . Most people are busy trying to earn a living, look after kids etc and dont do this sort of thing, though i know some do.

I'll just book you in for your usual with John on your way home from work on Tuesday then? I'm sure that's what many of these men are saying to their partners also. Ain't nobody got time for that. But let's be honest, 2 mins and most men are done, and that's being generous.

It's not a treasure hunt. It's not an appointment system either. You go online and hope that other horny people are online and horny too. 99% of the time they usually are because... it's men! There are also transgender women looking on the apps, but not as many as men. You just msg them on the app with the up-to-date hook up lingo, and then pray you don't get murdered or worse that your wife doesn't find out.

OP posts:
shuggles · 30/11/2024 17:34

When you stop and think about it, men can, and we all know MANY have done billions of times before, had sex with someone they were in no way attracted to.

Straight men having casual sex with women is nothing like having sex with men.

The difference is that men are repulsive to straight men. A straight man having sex with a man is not like having sex with "someone they were in no way attracted to." To men, it's actually disgusting.

We also all love to be in the company of our own gender for various reasons. Men usually love being with their boys and the whole camaraderie of it all.

Men being in each other's company tends to be activity-driven or hobby-driven. That doesn't mean they are attracted to each other.