Child hates me having a girlfriend

[HopperDash]

Hi. I'm a man reaching out for advice from a female perspective so please be gentle.

I am divorced and currently have sole custody of my teen daughter. I am 50 and have been seeing a lovely woman who is 38 for sometime. We get on great, however and understandably she is at an age where she would like to have children sooner than later. I am happy with this, I am a young 50 and very healthy for my age and a great Dad.

My daughter is already finding it hard for me to have a girlfriend and has stated that she doesn't want to meet her, let alone her living with me and the idea of me having another child and sibling would flip her out greatly. She's been crying a lot just me seeing someone and I feel awful.

I understand all of this as I'm all she has, her relationship with her Mum isn't good and they rarely see each other. I'm torn, as I definitely don't want to damage her or our relationship either, but also don't want to lose my girlfriend. In five years my daughter will be an adult and I don't want to be on my own so have had to be slightly selfish by seeing someone to begin with. It'll only get harder over time otherwise.

My child means everything to me and is not being capricious, merely I'm all she has and I think she can't bear me giving my love to someone else or losing me.

Any advice would be appreciated.

The dramatics of that phrasing suggests to me that he was used to do what he wanted when he wanted. Until his wife left. Which is also why he's keen to lock mum#2 asap.

No I couldn’t see the age either … but as you say. 13 makes an a fortiori case for prioritising dd right now.

Thank you Anna713. I think I deserve to be happy as does my child, it's trying to find a way to make it work. Reassurance, knowing that she is loved, which she is massively, is what I feel is the way forward.

Why is it that all the men who post on here believe they're very good dads?

They also believe they don't look their age.

OP you've got a very recent girlfriend here. It's much too soon to call her a partner, and definitely too soon to introduce her to your daughter.

Yes, you're entitled to a relationship, but not at the expense of your child.

Also, if your new girlfriend is already 38, and is hoping to have a baby, you need to let her find someone who is available, and not as old as you. 50 is too old to plan a new baby.

Suppose it took 2 years for pregnancy to occur. You'd be over 70 when this baby was about to go to university.

@Calliopespa tbf he hasn't said her age (oddly but presumably deliberately). He did say his ex had her when he was 37.

Wants a female perspective that supports his, and anyone that doesn't agree is bitter. I think.

Nasty old jealous dried up sticks, we are. Zero pandering. Outragous.

Yes, this does tend to happen.

Men don't like women who don't agree with them.

I think its an attempt to avoid being attacked by the women who've already assumed they aren't.

Why don’t you ask Anna what was the amount of time between this child’s dad leaving and Anna’s son getting involved?

Why don’t you also ask her how long they were seeing each other before introducing the child to him?

Your wife left you earlier this year, you've been seeing this woman for 6 months? So in your daughter's shoes, she is resentful at her mum for leaving and then shortly after, her dad meets someone so she's feeling alone and unwanted (I know that's not your intention, but that's how she'll be feeling). You already are thinking of and wanting another child with this woman you've only been seeing for 6 months. If you have a baby, of course that baby will become centre of attention for a little while and have more needs, so your daughter is feeling like she has no mother, no father, her dad has a new girlfriend he's giving attention to AND THEN going to have a new different family unit with said girlfriend by having a baby. I think it would be selfish to have a baby with your girlfriend, your daughter is clearly unhappy and has self esteem issues already, this will become worse if you go on to have more children.

I'm not saying you don't love your daughter but I'd spend this time making your daughter feel loved and putting her needs first, she comes first and should be of most importance to you. You can meet someone at any time, any age but your needs and your girlfriend's needs are different to each other due to the age gap, and further down the line your girlfriend may be one of the ones I see often writing on here about how her partner's daughter is driving a wedge between their relationship and is thinking of leaving because of it, leaving resentment all around with you and her unhappy, your daughter unhappy and then another child with separated resentful parents. Basically it would end in chaos, so think very carefully.

OP I'm not getting the feeling she's loved... she's in last place after your ego and your dick.
What do you mean by loved? Like putting her needs first? Nope you're not doing that. Making her feel secure? Nope not that either. Forcing her to adapt to a stranger in a very short amount of time? That's not love. You feed her and clothe her? That's just the bare minimum you should be doing... that doesn't make you a good dad.

Never locked anyone up. Quite the opposite in fact. How else would you term not being able to hardly ever go out the evening or weekends, having no support or childcare. Women always have people to turn to, friends, parents. A single Dad is much harder to get support for. It's a pleasure to care for my child, but I think as any Mum would attest to, we all need to be happy personally so we can be at our best for the child.

He was repeating a term someone else used so go back and attack them.

We’ve guessed her age, he won’t say which makes me think she might be even younger.

I have not read all the post. It sounds like you want the relationship and not the child - I think you and your girlfriend are in two different stages of life. Neither of you are stable if you want to bring another child yet the, she has not met your child. Whilst you may want a relationship, do you think your relationship will survive a child?

This. What I wanted to say, but more articulate.

It almost sounds like the wife left one night, and this bloke went to the pub the next, to find a girlfriend.
🤣

@Meowingtwice I don't think anyone thought badly of him until he said that he'd only split from his ex this year and is already 6 months into a relationship and wondering why his young child isn't being supportive of his desires.

That's true. I do think it's ok in theory but being rushed.

Ah is that what it is. I did try to look …

I think a near year on my own and four years of a partner stating clearly they don't want me is enough time. It's not a prison sentence, according to you and others I should just stay unhappy and go on silver dating in 10 years.

What a walking cliché this guy is.

I'd love to hear the ex wife's side of the story.

I highly doubt he would be interested in a woman his own age or even close. They never are!

Women always have people to turn to, friends, parents. A single Dad is much harder to get support for.

What nonsense. Anyone can get a babysitter. It's not difficult.

I can't believe this OP is claiming to be "housebound".

That's a phrase I associate with very elderly, disabled people.

Lol ok mate. I would term it parenting. Your kid is 13, if you've not built a support network in that time it's your own fault.