DH picking fights everytime I have evening plans

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Came back yesterday evening at almost 11 from a friend's house.
I don't go out much, maybe once every 2 months or so or if there is an event or something.

However I feel it is becoming a pattern that every time I'm invited he will pick a fight either before I leave or after I come back.

He denies it's a pattern. Thinks I shouldnt be out late and will inevitably pick a fight when I come home.
He's now saying I'm "not allowed out in the evenings any more" which of course has ticked me off even more because I feel he can't or shouldn't dictate what I can or can't do.
He's saying he doesn't want anything to happen to me which is just frankly bizarre.

To me it feels controlling and just annoying and disrespectful.
I don't know if he feels he can't cope with the kids (8/6) for a few hours but he has had them on his own for whole weekends while I'm at work.

To add I have never had any problems with him going out or obstructed him going out with friends although he rarely does.

It makes no sense to me and whenever I try to bring it up it inevitably turns into a fight. What should I do?

To add, I'm not about to leave him so no ltb posts please. He's otherwise a good husband with the kids and contributes to the housework.

Thats extremely controlling. I wouldnt be tolerating that.
You have every right to go out. He needs telling in no uncertain terms. Tell him hes making you ill with this behaviour.

Not a fight you should be having OP, he's not your keeper.

You're not 'allowed' out in the evening.
He can't stop you.

why must you be 'allowed'? does he see himself as being in charge of you?

Following.

I only go out once in a blue moon . I then get texts "your son misses you"

My son is a teenager !

And then the silent treatment when I get back ( no later than 11pm)

I hate it

It is controlling behaviour. He doesn’t get to tell you when you can and can’t go out, you are not his child, you are a grown adult who can do what you want.

If you pander to this he’ll only think it’s acceptable to apply it to other areas of your life.

This is horrible!

I'm sorry, I know you've said you didn't want any LTB posts. But if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't care if the relationship was good otherwise. This is such a red flag.

Tell him that coercive/ controlling behaviour is literally a crime in the uk. Show him the legislation on gov.uk. Ask him if he'd happily explain to a police officer that his wife is 'not allowed out'.

It feels controlling because it is controlling. Any bloke tries to tell me what I am and am not allowed to do, they’d be put straight VERY quickly. And if they tried to do it again they’d be gone.

His behaviour sounds like he is trying to be controlling, as to whether his intentions behind this are acceptable to you or not, you will need to determine this by delving deeper. The fact that he is gaslighting you on your observations that it is a pattern is concerning.

I suggest you get some marriage-related therapy, as a 3rd party might be able to help you both understand this issue, if you don't feel able to work through this issue with him yourself.

If he refuses then you might want to reconsider your position.

Don't be a mug OP by taking shit like this from anyone.

It is controlling behaviour. Do not pander to it. He is not your keeper and he does not dictate to you.

Does he only do it when you go out with certain friends? Do he tell you what you can or can wear etc? Sometimes this is the start of an abusive relationship

Yet another one.
He needs to be put straight and quickly, because as others have said, it will escalate to other areas of your life.
Good idea from Bearpawk. Quote the law at him.
How often does he go out? It should be equal amounts to you.
I would raise holy hell about this, including complaining loudly about looking after the children when he goes out.
As for “allowed”, dearie me, I hope you tell him to fuck right off with his bollocks.

Totally controlling. Why would you need his permission to go out? I ask my husband if has any plans before I book anything and vice versa but that because someone needs to be at home for the kids, not asking to be allowed.

How often does he go out out of interest?

Honestly, this needed to be hashed out the second the words 'you're not allowed out' popped out of his mouth.
You are not a child, or a pet, an entertainment system or a possession.
You are a whole person with hopes & needs & things you like to do in your own right without him & that's perfectly okay, it's healthy.

Personally, as the boat has been missed to lose my shit about the 'allowed out comment' I'd be taking back control by not entertaining his nonsense & showing it up for what it is - 'DH I'm going out on Friday. How long do you plan to sulk for, and I'll make my plans around it' then plan a shopping trip/cinema/ whatever for the next day with the kids while he festers.

It's not on OP.
Find your voice.

This is awful!!

I'd go out a lot more if I were you.

Of course it is your decision to stay or leave, but if you stay, for goodness sake don't stop going out in the evenings when you need or want to. DH has no right to control your movements.
He's a good dad and husband in other ways you say, but is the tension his bossy behaviour must be creating between you, and any sulking that follows, a good role model for the children?

Tell him to fuck off, you have a perfect right to go out of an evening and ge needs to get a grip and get over it?
I mean, he is being ridiculous, but even if he wasn't, he doesn't get to 'tell' you what you can do with your time. Just don't entertain this for a second. Not happening.

I would not accept this behaviour. Tell him you will check he has no plans before you book things in but that you will go out and that is that. And quite the law at him. This is coercive and controlling behaviour, it’s a crime and it’s not ok. I would leave somebody over this behaviour but maybe a short sharp shock is all he needs

My abusive ex used to pull this one. He would pick an argument before, after or even during at times and over time I went out less and less as it was just too difficult. I have zero doubt that it was his intent all along to isolate me from my friends in this way without having to overtly ban me from going out. I would look to make plans to leave as that sort of behaviour rarely improves - it just escalates.

Who does he think he is? He's not your dad, your boss, or your jailer.

He does not get to tell you what you are and are not 'allowed' to do. Oh, he'll dress it up in "I'm worried about you" and "I just want you to be safe" but it is all about control. He wants you where he can make sure you're not having too much fun without him.

At the bottom of it all (and I bet he won't say so - yet) is that at some fundamental level he doesn't really trust you not to get up to shenanigans with another man.

I have no idea why he expects me to do that.

He barely goes out tbh. He occasionally plays squash with a mate on the weekend if we haven't got any plans.

I also go kickboxing once a week and get home at 9- he has no problem with that. It's just when I go out with my friends. There is no drinking or anything like that involved.

I tend to get home later than him on pretty much all weekday evenings from work if that makes a difference. Usually I'm home by 7. He gets home at 6.

I've said to him I have no problem with him going out in the evening if he wants but he says he never can because I'm always late from work. I told him if he wants to go out I can make arrangements but he's never taken me up on it.

No he definitely doesn't think I'm up to shenanigans. He knows I'm out with my friends who are all girls and generally tend to be girls only gatherings

He’s behaving as though he thinks he owns you. Keep going out and call out the sulks/related bad behaviour each time it happens. He’ll get used to it in the end!

Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour and the only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. He is not a decent h or father to your children if he behaves like this. He wants to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making. I would seriously consider if this is a relationship you want to remain in.

He thinks 'you shouldn't be out late' and 'you're not allowed out any more'. Good god.

Would you inform him that he is not your parent? Honestly, who the hell does he think he is?

If my DH had tried anything, just anything, remotely like that, I would've told him to fuck off!
We've been married decades. I holiday with my girlfriends occasionally without him (it used to be yearly!) and he goes away without me too!

Have serious words with him and tell him that you are a person in your own right, as long as he is treated with respect as far as arrangements to go out are concerned, that you will go out when you want, as late as you want.

Why do women on here accept this sort of thing from their husbands? They are just as important as them!!!