DH picking fights everytime I have evening plans

[Howtonamechange]

Came back yesterday evening at almost 11 from a friend's house.
I don't go out much, maybe once every 2 months or so or if there is an event or something.

However I feel it is becoming a pattern that every time I'm invited he will pick a fight either before I leave or after I come back.

He denies it's a pattern. Thinks I shouldnt be out late and will inevitably pick a fight when I come home.
He's now saying I'm "not allowed out in the evenings any more" which of course has ticked me off even more because I feel he can't or shouldn't dictate what I can or can't do.
He's saying he doesn't want anything to happen to me which is just frankly bizarre.

To me it feels controlling and just annoying and disrespectful.
I don't know if he feels he can't cope with the kids (8/6) for a few hours but he has had them on his own for whole weekends while I'm at work.

To add I have never had any problems with him going out or obstructed him going out with friends although he rarely does.

It makes no sense to me and whenever I try to bring it up it inevitably turns into a fight. What should I do?

To add, I'm not about to leave him so no ltb posts please. He's otherwise a good husband with the kids and contributes to the housework.

I would tell him that you feel suffocated by his behaviour and that he will lose you if it carries on. I then might go away for the weekend and say I had to think about things. The man needs a bit of a genuine scare to recognise how unacceptable he is being.

I would tell him that you want a trial separation

Another one for telling him to fuck off

mine did this, the picking fights/causing arguments, then he started trying to isolate me from friends and family, telling me i shouldnt go out in the day until i'd done the housework. if i did go out i'd get punished in some way.

the final straw that actually prompted me to leave? Telling me i wasn't allowed to go out. those exact words. he finally pulled that trigger, just like your H has.

I left that day, haven't looked back. He spent another 4 years stalking me, reporting back when 'friends' had seen me out and about. calling me when he knew i was away doing things with friends (he had the kids) to ask us to try again, then abusing me via text the whole time i was away.

It's been 7 years, i still don't tell him anything about where i'm going/who i'm with.

These leopards don't change their spots, they're jealous, possessive, controlling and think they have a right to tell you what to do.

I think it's you who hasn't properly read the OP's posts. She works! And is home later than him and sometimes has to work weekends, are you honestly criticising her for that?
She does a kickboxing class once a week that her DH is quite happy with. Where does it say she does gym and kickboxing 'several times a week'. It doesn't. You just made that up.

She tries to suggest he goes out, he doesn't take her up on it.

It's just seeing friends every 8 weeks he doesn't like... go figure...

She’s at home more often than she goes out. Read her initial post Coco. And why would you be pissed off, that’s your issue .

Why is it not a problem apparently for she to go to kickboxing yet it’s a problem when she is out with her friends?. He has no right to dictate that she can no longer go out in the evenings.

Her H really does want to keep her in a cage of his own paranoid making. He likely thinks that being out with her female friends will entail his wife getting hit on by other men.

Fancy criticising a mother for bringing in an income. And one class a week.

Yet her DH chooses not to go out but would rather stop his wife from seeing friends every other month.

so you feel her having a full time job, and doing an exercise class once a week gives her H the right to tell her she isn't allowed out with her friends at all, ever?

Very much this. OP I hope your talk went well.

I am married to a man who followed me to my work party and took me home (he could track my phone), tells me I am not allowed to wear certain dresses he has bought me if I am not with him, gets in a huff if I am at a party and not giving him enough attention, was not allowed my personal trainer in the house to train - had to do it via zoom, thinks it is not normal to go out to dinner with a girlfriend, thinks I am having an affair with the latest male colleague I have to work with etc etc. I thought it was my fault until a friend noticed and got me to speak to a therapist. I am a strong independent woman and yet I let that happen to me. I have just recently decided to file for divorce. It is so sad as, as per usual, he is a nice guy but just utterly controlling and jealous. OP it’s horrible controlling behaviour and I am just really realising it all.

Is it the same friend or different ones?

@Ndd1356387

Good luck. I am so glad you have awakened. Your life will be so much better without this.

Thanks @BustingBaoBun everybody says what an amazing guy he is and I don’t want to tell them all the story. More for his sake. I don’t want him in be tarred with this. It’s complex and also want him to move on happily. Maybe I start my own thread !

Did you have the talk

This IS a ltb situation, how dare he tell you you’re not allowed to go out? Who the fuck does he think he is, your dad? Tell him to shove his ridiculous ideas.

I hope you are ok OP?

So how do you react?

This!

When you are rid of him, tell people the truth.

You don't need to go into huge detail, just the bare facts.
"He was a very very controlling man behind closed doors and you are thrilled to have gotten away from him safely."

What people do with that information is up to them.

Please do, you will have so much support.

Classic controlling behaviour!

Aren't you the same op who was moaning about being scares out late at night and hubby not caring?

He can't go out if you're never in! Maybe he actually wants to spend some quality time with you?
You're out until 7 every night, out until 9 one evening a week and then work all weekend.
If you were saying that's what your DH was doing every night then people would be saying he's not being considerate of you and that he shouldn't be going out with his mates.