DH saying he's leaving in the New Year

[Dimebag10M]

Just that really. Not sure how I feel. Kids are older teens, almost don't have the fight left in me. I have serious MH and physical illnesses which I'm probably sure has taken a toll on everything, but his behaviour over the years is making me wish he'd change - it'll never happen. Don't ask me if I'm happy because I don't know what that is. Maybe it is for the best but I'm petrified of change, and we've been together 21 years! Just scared, worried and confused.

Why is he waiting till then? Prolonging the agony.

Tell him to go now then. 2 months in limbo will be much harder for you. Xx

Agree with PP. tell him to go now and get out. If he wants to go - he goes out now

Tell him now is better for you

I'm so sorry.

Are you getting good help for your mental and physical health problems?

Agree with taking back control and getting rid of him now

Take back control. It will make you feel better. Go and see a solicitor and find out what shape your finances would be in without him. A court would probably award you more than half of equity and pension if you are disabled. Work out what help you need to manage each week and put it in place then ask him to leave now. Don't let him taunt you for the next 8 weeks. You will be a wreck and you will all have a shit Xmas if this happens.

Yep, out the door he goes, now.
Don't allow him to stay over Christmas, ruining it for you and your family.

Is he on the mortgage? Has he been violent? You can't just make someone homeless!

He has announced his departure, why wait 7 weeks?
Does he have FOMO on Christmas dinner.
I wonder OP whether your MH would be much improved if he's not there.
Hanging around will make it worse. See your GP and also find out about benefits.
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Tell him to go now. It's terrible to have this hanging over you and putting a cloud over your Christmas and strain on your MH
My exh actually left on Christmas day, after threatening for weeks.
I'm so sorry you're unwell, which makes the thought of being on your own even more daunting but actually I think your MH will improve and I'm sure your teens are picking up the atmosphere
It will be difficult at first, but you WILL thrive without him.

Don't sit it out - give him his one-way ticket now

If he’s not done anything abusive, he can’t be forced out.

Just wanted to send hugs

So if OP said she told him she’s moving out after Christmas and then he told her to go and she’s now sitting in the Tesco car park and what should she do, the Mumsnet answer would be ‘tough shit, love’?

So it sounds like he has everything planned and for whatever reason, after Christmas is better for him.
Does he mean he is also expecting you to not say anything to the dcs until after Christmas by any chance?

Insome ways, he is doing you a favour. You now have 7 weeks to get organised and you’ll need them.
I know this will feel still unconceivable to you still but you really need to protect yourself. By that I mean

• see a sollicitor asap. You need to know what documents you need afd you are more likely to find them when he is still in the house. You’re also disabled/chronically ill so what you are entitled to will be slightly different.
• im not sure if you are working or not, have already applied for PIP before but you need to know exactly what you’ll be able to claim benefit wise once you are on your own. If you haven’t already, start the process.
• Same with any support at home you might need. Like a cleaner. If you are still seeing a consultant, they might be able to redirect you towards some more help at home
• Your dcs are older teens - is the plan for them to stay with you or with him?

They are all very scary thoughts to have. And I imagine it feels hard to even start thinking about those. But just now, you need to put yourself first and do whatever is needed to protect yourself, financially at least.

Another vote for kicking him out now. If he wants to go he might as well get going.

Do you have a problem with comprehension? He's announced he's leaving.

Hi, he announced he’s leaving in the New Year and the post above mine said ‘Yep, out the door he goes, now.’.

Hope that helps.

Tbh he has history of this, almost saying it to make things change for him, but not realising the damage he's causing by saying it, if you know what I mean? My medication means I don't feel intense highs or lows anymore so I really don't know how I feel. Luckily it's a council property and he's said he'd leave rather than making me leave. I'm the main breadwinner so everything is in my name. Not much to sort - other than both my DC are autistic so despite them being much older, it's like having younger kids still. Eurgh too much in my head!

Some good advice on here. I think people should be a bit more balanced though - you’d all criticise him if he gave no notice and just disappeared. He’s presumably giving ‘notice’ so you can sort out arrangements like adults.

Tell him to leave now.

Both of you can still work out all the admin that a separation brings without you having to see his face every day in the house....

If it's in your name he can't 'make' you do anything

And if the kids are staying with you I hope he can afford to pay for them

Doesn't sound like much of a loss

There is a between. Such as finding a place to live, then discussing with the wife that you are definitely leaving. That allows her to tell you to leave now, or wait until little Johnny has his first day at school. (For want of a better example)
Not say I'm leaving in seven weeks. That will cause her to be treading on eggshells and perhaps falling over herself to please him. Or maybe that's why he said it.

Time to take control pack his stuff up and show him the door now. Don’t accept anything on his terms, why wait until the New a year, he goes now