DH saying he's leaving in the New Year

[Dimebag10M]

Just that really. Not sure how I feel. Kids are older teens, almost don't have the fight left in me. I have serious MH and physical illnesses which I'm probably sure has taken a toll on everything, but his behaviour over the years is making me wish he'd change - it'll never happen. Don't ask me if I'm happy because I don't know what that is. Maybe it is for the best but I'm petrified of change, and we've been together 21 years! Just scared, worried and confused.

I'm going to say it again because people don't seem to be getting the message. He doesn't need to leave until he wants to or until a divorce and financial settlement is completed. It is his house too.

Certainly you can ask him to leave but he does not have to.

Tell him you don't need 2 months notice. He can leave now.

I don't live in England but I think it depends if the council's house is the OPs sole name or in joint name with her H?

HRTFT..so someone can add if I've missed it..

Are both your names on the tenancy agreement?

Have you asked him if he's got a place to go to yet?
Needs help packing?

I'd actually spend these last few weeks decluttering and sorting out any junk, get it all gone before he moves out then start afresh in a home with only your name on the rent book, so to speak.

Given time you'll at least live in an environment where you won't be waiting for the next day where you walk in to a bad atmosphere, it will be so much better for your MH to.

I very much doubt anyone living with an abusive person when upon their death bed will mutter the words "Lord I'm glad we stayed together".

I always say life's no dress rehearsal..one shot is all we get.

Tell him to fuck off for himself and to move out now.
Prick.

Oh for heavens sake! It’s not a legal thing. You can ask someone to leave whenever you like, which is what ‘kick him out’ refers to.

I think it's irresponsible to encourage OP to kick him out, when there's no legal basis for it

Ask him to leave, fine

Tell him to leave, problematic

I agree.

The simple fact is that if both names are on the tenancy he can refuse to leave and the fact that she asked him to go will almost certainly make a bad situation worse. So then not only is she living with an abusive arsehole she is living with a very angry abusive arsehole. If this is his attempt at a control tactic ("Do/be/say what I want or I will leave") then her saying "Fine, just go then" will ramp things up considerably as his control is slipping. We all know that the most dangerous time for abused women is when they are leaving, which is why its usually advisable to keep plans secret.

In this case I think that accepting that she will have to move and planning accordingly is the only way. He isnt going to go quietly or easily, if at all, so her only way out is to leave herself.

Ugh he is a waste of space. An abusive nasty piece of work and your health will immeasurably improve once he has gone. I would be calmly asking him to leave earlier. There is no need for him to hang around like a nasty smell. You deserve better than this and you definitely want him gone before Christmas. He's under no obligation to leave but if he has made his mind up then if he has any decency he will need to arrange to live elsewhere as soon as possible.

And absolutely file for divorce. Give yourself an early Christmas present by freeing yourself and your children from his negative presence in your lives

He's doing this to control and punish you surely? He wants 2 months of you begging him back, tip toeing round him, doing all you can to make him stay while he lords it over you. Then he probably won't leave.

I agree with others, call his bluff, tell him to leave now instead.

But it is only her name on the Council Housing Lease.

Plus she isn’t asking him to go, he has already said he is leaving. It’s just the date that he will leave in the next 2 months that is up for discussion

If he has form for this then Have you ever replied with

“No you won’t. Stop lying and getting my hopes up. If you want to leave then I am not going to stop you and if leaving me is something you think of then it is time to divorce”