Is he just not that into me?

[Tex111]

Dating for the first time in over 30 years. Been seeing a lovely man for almost six months. He's in Manchester, I'm in London. We see each other most weekends and it's been wonderful. I've fallen in love and the feeling is mutual.

He used to live in London and he said recently that he'd like to catch up with old friends next time he's here since for the last few months he's just been seeing me. I said of course.

He usually stays with me but this weekend he's arranged to stay with friends and is seeing a few people. The thing that I find odd is that he's not going to see me at all. If I was in Manchester, I'd want to see him, even if just for a coffee or a meal. Is that weird or am I being clingy? I

The other element of this is that he's seeing his ex while here. He swears there's no chance of anything untoward happening (they split over a year ago, had a tumultuous two year relationship before that) but he wants to speak to her for some closure as things ended badly between them. I do believe him on this. Is that naive?

I've told him that it hurts that he'll be so close but doesn't want to make the effort to see me. He said he could ring me Sunday and maybe stay here Sunday night, but I don't think he really wants to do that. What does that mean??

This relationship is over. Dead man walking. It can’t work, it may limp on a bit but it’s over. All this angst and hurt, control, lack of unison, lack of care, neediness etc, six months in.

im sorry op, but its over, it likely already was.

I get he is a creative and people use their experiences as inspiration, but all seems rather heavy going and self indulgent of him.
I just think all this business with his ex, the love letters and project etc all seems like too much hard work. 6 months in, shouldnt it all be much easier?

I agree. I just feel that the OP is setting herself up for more heartbreak and pain by dragging this out hoping in vain he will choose her.

6 months in is still the honeymoon stage and it should be full of fun not angst and drama.

I’m so sorry OP as I know this is really personal for you, but as an unconnected observer I’ve got to say he sounds like a navel gazing self indulgent twat with his “art”!

All this hassle and literal "drama" and it's long distance too.

It seems this relationship has been good for you because it has made you look deeply into yourself and ask questions about what you want in relationships post-marriage.
But I think I would see it as just that, a step on your journey, and would now walk away.

If it wasn't a long distance thing it might make more sense but I don't think you can work through something as easily when you are thrust together 24/7 for short bursts at a time - it's just short bursts of intensity which is a bit weird really and not something you can sustain long term.

And, as others have said, it shouldn't be this hard at only six months in!

Sounds to me like he’s keeping his options open here. You deserve so much better OP.

I agree totally.

@Tex111 - I think writing that email was very useful FOR YOU....... but you should not have sent it. If he doesn't care and/or understand your feelings and motivations without in-depth explanations on your part, this isn't going to go anywhere.

Quite a few posts back you said you were going to take a big step back and wait to see how his actions might shape up. But instead you seem to have got caught up in your fears and uncertainties - and even though your rational mind kept intervening, you kept trying to 'make him understand'.

Taking that step back now would be my suggestion - and keep talking to your therapist.

This man sounds like he's enjoying torturing you.

He's not nice, despite what he says. Throw him back OP

May I ask what is preventing you from ending things?

I assume he hasn’t replied to the email yet (apologies if I have missed an update)?

It's all too high stress for a new relationship.

As they say - when the fun stops, stop.

Don't do 'complicated'. Life is too short for that misery.

Not RTFT but @Polyp0 has nailed it. This:

“Polyp0 · Yesterday 23:55

I'm sorry, what?
They're going to collaborate on a creative project about their relationship?
In what way is that closure? It's the opposite of closure!”

And why on earth does their relationship merit a creative project? What incredible self-important twattery. I mean - who does that? Certainly not someone who’s over the relationship, that’s for sure. He must think he’s terribly important and interesting. And that you’re a fool. Which you’re clearly not. Sorry this guy is turning out to be such a disappointment but it looks like a good time to cut your losses and walk away.

Can you imagine, you break up with him and he's asking the next woman he dates to read a play he wrote about you guys xD

Self indulgent tit.

I'm sorry what? What?

He's a 60 year old creep, doing an 'art installation' that includes readings of love letters sent from his ex (who's young enough to be his daughter)? And now he's getting the ex back and expecting you to be okay with this nonsense? Do people actually pay to watch this nonsense? I can't believe you actually sat through it and watched it on more than one occasion

What a pile of shit. I know you're vulnerable OP but Jesus fuck I would be howling with laughter in his face. Trust me there are a million men out there that will respect you and treat you better than this embarrassing goon of a turdman

You sound so lovely and deserve so much better.

Just as an FYI I'm also in my post divorce messy era and I'm just enjoying the shagging.

Sending hugs x

Maybe it's the same guy!

I know the narcissistic label can be thrown around a little too much at times, but he really sounds like one (and he sounds like a proficient love bomber too)

He sounds sickly and self absorbed. Who the hell is interested in that sort of ‘work’. He’s almost a pensioner fgs.

Thank god not all pensioners are into gardening and watching telly.

Love this post!!

@samanthablues oh shut up you know what the PP meant.

Nobody is knocking pensioners but ffs are you really sympathising with a twatty prat aged 60 trying to fool his partner with this 'artiste' nonsense?

Yes I’m sort of sympathising with an “almost pensioner” who is into art performances that involve his ex reading love letters to him, he sounds like fun to me. This said I would probably have him as friend with benefits, he doesn’t sound like relationship material. The OP is the one who needs to decide if she wants to continue dating this mess and taking him serious or not.

I'm getting Woody Allen navel grazing tortured artiste vibes, about this guy.

Pining over his turbulent Ex relationship and getting his inspiration from it.🙄

He sounds completely self absorbed OP and full of his own importance.

I'm so sorry but it reads like you have picked another emotionally unavailable twat.

Has he answered your email yet op?

A friend made the Woody Allen comparison too. I get it.

No, he hasn't responded but I didn't expect him to. I said we'd talk later in the week. Usually he texts me goodnight but he hasn't tonight. I can't help but feel sad about that.

I think he’s giving you the silent treatment as a form of punishment because he’s lost a bit of control over you and he doesn’t like that.