Everything is great apart from our sex life

[Andyls]

Please don't flame me!

First of all I love my partner very much but the lack of sex life is eating away at me inside. We have 2 children one just turned 2 the other is 6.

Since we have had our 1st ive really struggled with our sex life, at first it was oh it must just be hormones while pregnant, then it was it must be hormones while breastfeeding and it can take 2 years for a woman to feel semi normal again after birth and breastfeeding. The problem now is my youngest is more than 2 years old we are past the (2 year for a woman's hormones to get to normal stage)

We've tried so much, she's stopped taking the pill and few months ago to see if it would help her get more in the mood. It didn't work. I track her cycle (she's knows this) so I know when her "sex" hormones are at the highest still doesn't work. How it normally goes it i don't mention sex to her until she is the best time in her cycle. But every night after shes had her period we go bed I always think maybe tonight and it never happens until I get sexually frustrated I end up asking her if we can have sex week or at the weekend which I know is pathetic to even. She often says ok but she's just fobbing me off to stop me asking her. Then nothing happens on the days we are supposed to. I know she sees sex as just a physical act but to me it's so much more than that. It shows me I can trust her and that she actually cares abouts me and our relationship and everything we have. I havnt said this to her because she'll just think I'm talking about sex again but I genuinely feel I've been waiting since the birth of our first 6 years for things to get better and its just not.

We usually manage once a month and I feel I'm compromising at that and the longer I go without the more insecure I feel about everything in our relationship and weather we even have a future. It's a real deal breaker for me but I genuinely think she doesn't know how I feel about it and it's just another job for her to do. I can't go on forever this way and always thought there would be light at the end of the tunnel but we're just going backwards. We haven't had sex in over a month yet I've been fully supportive of her . She says she just doesn't feel like it, she has said this before but she enjoys it once we get going but it's the getting going part that's the problem. Any thoughts? I don't want to be pushed into the position of accept a sexless relationship or breakup my family and start again.

e (2 year for a woman's hormones to get to normal stage)

your source?

To be honest me and DH used to be like this, I always loved him but I was simply exhausted; physically and emotionally from parenting. We spoke about it and he was quite ashamed of himself that he didn't recognise I needed and deserved support and help around the home and with DC, it certainly helped.

Do you do your fair share around the home?

Is this for real? I sometimes think posts from guys about this are maybe a fetish. Here’s the thing…it’s got NOTHING to do with sex. Do stuff, help, support, hoover, do the washing. Even if you think you’re doing enough you’re not. Take some of the mental load off her. Think about playdates, wrap birthday presents, book the carpet cleaner, but the get well soon cards fur aged relatives..then, she might just.

on another thread you posted

Also imagine if a man posted my wife wont have sex with me so what's the point in marriage 🤔

😆

Just enjoy pornography and your right hand.

Forget about sex for the time being and date her again? Make time for just you two? Hold hands, kiss, cuddle and get close again and build up to sex.

I feel your pain. I'm just about getting by on once every 6 weeks or so. Even then it's so vanilla and predictable, not an ounce of spontaneity.
Such a shame cause everything else is perfect. I've tried everything to work on it but nothing works. Some women just don't like sex.

Kids are tiring, sex is the last thing you want.

@happygoluckyme2 I thought that too until I filed for divorce, got someone new and had amazing sex regularly for the first time in years. My husband told me I was frigid. The reality was I was not remotely attracted to him because he was a sex pest who thought it was my duty to give him sex when he did very little parenting and didn't believe in doing anything round the house to do his fair share and was abusive to boot. Frigid my arse, I was unstoppable once I was free of him.

with you

Is this a page for partners/husbands who arent getting any?

👏👏👏👏

Unfortunately op you won’t get any sympathy here, you’ll get the same answers no matter what’s in your post, but you probably ready knew that.

To everyone who says help around the house, the OP hasn’t said what he does or doesn’t do. As usual it’s assumptions at best.

Yes, kids are tiring, but can you honestly say that after two years sex is the last thing on your mind? Sex is what makes a relationship and a marriage, take sex out of the picture and it’s a friendship where the man has effectively become a sperm donor. .

I agree with @BabyCloud who was one of the more helpful posters, strip things back to basics, ask her what additional help she needs and try and find that missing spark. It might be as simple as she doesn’t fancy you any more, or you do something which gives her the ick , or, she might be on meds which has made her sex drive plummet.

Find out if she actually wants sex, and whether she wants sex with you but the best thing you can do is take sex out of the equation, don’t put her under any pressure, if you don’t already make a proper effort, book. Babysitter for a night out, cook a meal at home and show her you care, about her and not just sex.

Vanilla is an awful term to describe how someone likes sex btw. Wonder if you got your skewed view of sex from extreme pornography.

Agree with what others have said.

How much 'her time' is she getting? Does she get time to exercise to make herself feel good?
Do you cuddle her without dry humping and expecting more?

I'd hedge my bets on you being a sex pest which makes her not want it even more, I'd suggest using your time to research a thing or 2. You day everything is good apart from sex, it probably isn't! Posts like this annoy me, my husband was the same except my baby was only a few months old. I didn't feel OK til they started school and I still worked part time!

It’s a post from a husband who is worried he is losing his closeness with his wife as she isn’t interested in intimacy.

I don’t see anything wrong with that?

If it was the other way around, the husband would clearly be cheating or addicted to porn…

Kids are tiring, mentally and physically.
And tracking her cycle so you know when she should want sex (wtf?) is just heaping more pressure on your wife. It’s hard to get across how much of a turn off this is. It also means you withdraw from physical contact (just a cuddle) which lessons overall closeness as you don’t want to fend off the constant sexual advances.

This thread is a prime example of the double standards on MN. The amount of threads I've seen from women complaining that they want sex but their DH doesn't and the replies are always LTB, life is too short, you deserve to be fulfilled.

A man comes on with the same problem and is basically told he's selfish and not doing enough around the house 😂

Sexually incompatibility is a thing and it's a problem for both sexes - male and female.

He just needs to have a wank and get over it. She'll have sex if and when she's good and ready.

I once read that in a relationship, men like sex to feel they are loved, women like to feel loved to like sex... take the pressure of sex off the table. Scheduling it and tracking her cycle is a sure way to turn her right off and not get her in the mood!!! Horrendous!! Too much pressure. She needs to feel loved by you, not pressured. Go back to the basics, reconnect with her, bring her on a date night, cuddle on the couch, kiss and hug her.... the sex will follow when the love and trust between you increases!

The difference is that ALL of the posts from men are moaning that their wife doesn't have sex with them enough.

Whereas women post about a variety of subjects.

I never understand the mentality of men who post on a predominantly final support forum, to ask how to make their wife have more sex with them.

I feel I'm the one putting more effort into the relationship and the one who cares more and the lack of sex is making me think about everything in our relationship. I track her cycle more as a self reassurance tool than anything else I guess. I just think she doesn't want me because it's the wrong time of the month.

And tracking her cycle, how fucking intrusive!!!

You track your wife's cycle? Do you think all women adhere to the 'Husbands handbook for the Hormonal Wife'? Jesus Christ. And I thought my husband could be a Nesbit.

But it’s cause we all know, as women carers mothers etc that the man will not be doing ‘everything right’ I mean c’mon?! He won’t be doing enough. (And yes, I DO just know) He tracks her flipping cycle ffs ( very weird and invasive behaviour) Seriously, there must be other places for blokes to moan about not getting enough shagging. 🙄🤣 quit yo jibber jabber OP. Look to your own behaviour and for goodness sake stop making a note of when she may/may not be receptive…trust me, it’s off putting

It's not about more sex it's about saving a relationship