New boyfriend keeps bringing up that I was on tinder when we first met

[Raddytin]

Met a man out at a gig around 5 months ago, at that time I was on dating apps, looking to meet someone. After around 2 months we decided to become official and I deleted all the apps then. In the time we were ‘dating’ I was on the dating apps but didn’t meet anyone (even for a month or 2 before that, I hadn’t had much luck on them. When we met he wasn’t on dating apps and said he had been taking a break from them after being on them for a while. Fair enough , we were in different places.
he keeps bringing up that he’s finding it hard “knowing I was on tinder when he was focussed on me only”. I’ve explained I wasn’t actively dating but we hadn’t chatted about being exclusive yet but I wasn’t actively looking anyone else and often this is how it goes at the start of a relationship before the chat about what’s going on.
he says he feels stupid as he didn’t know (until the exclusive chat) that I had even been on dating apps.
I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong? In fact even if I had still had a few dates I don’t think that’s wrong either but it just happened that I didn’t and I was quite interested in him.
I’ve told him I’m not going to let him make me feel bad for this when I haven’t done anything wrong and we could have easily met at a different time when he was also on dating apps.
am I being unreasonable? Apart from this it’s a lovely relationship but I don’t want to feel like I have to ‘defend myself’ or even explain myself when I don’t feel I’ve crossed a line

He sounds like a controlling prat. Tell him it's none of his business, and if he keeps doing it, dump the fucker. Guys like that latch onto anything they can to make partners feel shitty for no reason.

You have nothing to explain. Tell him to stop going on about it and if he doesn't you'll be back looking for someone else that can act like a grown up.

How did he find out then?

He's completely out of order. Watch this one - he's insecure and controlling

Run away....it is not going to get better

Does he have a problem with the fact you were on Tinder before you even met him? Or when you first met? Both are ridiculous, he either expects you to have never had any interest in dating before you met him, or for you to have instantly committed yourself to him from the moment you met.

Huge red flags here, and I bet the rest of the relationship isn't "lovely" either. Calling it now, he's a controlling love-bomber who tells you what he thinks you want to hear...

Tell him you've done nothing wrong. To shut up and if he brings it up again he's dumped.

But I'd dump him anyway for trying to control me.

I think I'm still on Tinder and I'm married. I set up an account years ago, lasted a week on it and met my husband later that year. I'm too scared to log in, in case my profile goes back to the top.
Anyway, point being my husband knows about it and he doesn't care. It's never been spoken about since. I'd throw this one back.

He is using this, and will continue to use this, as a way of keeping you on the back foot.

Reread your post - he's got you doubting yourself when you've done absolutely nothing wrong.

In the future there will be something else.

Chuck him back.

Because when we had that official chat about what was happening with us I mentioned dating apps and said I would delete them (which has been a normal part of these conversations before for me). I didn’t really know before that if he was on them or not as hadn’t asked

No, when we were dating, he said he wasn’t aware I was still on tinder when we were dating but obviously I hadn’t suddenly deleted the apps after our first date

Dump

You didnt date anyone else so its all moot. If you had, then thats a different matter as nobody expects to be sharing their new squeeze.

And bride you know it, he'll be stopping you going out without him, won't like your friends, family, get him to fuck!

Well true but I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating more than one person at once in the early stages

before not bride!!

Lots of men are reluctant to commit but if a women keeps her options open they can't cope. Tell him to get over it Op, if he keeps bringing it up I'd dump him

As long as everyones open and knows then yes. Sex with one at a time though??

Yes well once we started sleeping together I did clarify he wasn’t sleeping with anyone else and neither was i

alarm bells I had an ex like this. Started with the dating apps issue and then he couldn’t handle the fact I’d slept with other men before we’d met (aged 27 - eye roll!). Everything became a question of whether I was being trustworthy or not. Completely irrational and impossible to be rational with. Don’t waste your time!!!

When I was doing online dating a surprising amount of men were pretty judgemental about me being on apps. Appalling double standards.

See I think this is where different people have different expectations and they aren’t clearly communicated.

Personally if I’d been actively dating someone for 2 months and THEN they said ah I’ll delete the dating apps now, I’d see that as a red flag. Dating and building a relationship for me is about focusing your efforts on the one person you’re dating and keeping your options open by keeping yourself on the OLD menu. So I think he’s fair enough to be annoyed by it.

It's normal to keep your options open until you have the 'exclusive' convo. At which time you delete apps and stop going out on the pull.

He sounds like he has issues about you making him feel stupid. That's not good. He wants to punish you for the way that he feels. His feelings are his responsibility. Not yours.

If he feels stupid for investing more in you than he perceived you did in him I suspect this won't be a one off issue....

Put a boundary down about this now OP.

“I am never discussing this again. We weren’t exclusive and despite that I wasn’t even active on the apps.

But if you can’t let it go let’s call it a day now because I’m not having a conversation about this again. I’m bored of it”

I guess that’s ok if you think that way. Have you dated recently?
I only seen this man about 6 times in the 2 months