New boyfriend keeps bringing up that I was on tinder when we first met

[Raddytin]

Met a man out at a gig around 5 months ago, at that time I was on dating apps, looking to meet someone. After around 2 months we decided to become official and I deleted all the apps then. In the time we were ‘dating’ I was on the dating apps but didn’t meet anyone (even for a month or 2 before that, I hadn’t had much luck on them. When we met he wasn’t on dating apps and said he had been taking a break from them after being on them for a while. Fair enough , we were in different places.
he keeps bringing up that he’s finding it hard “knowing I was on tinder when he was focussed on me only”. I’ve explained I wasn’t actively dating but we hadn’t chatted about being exclusive yet but I wasn’t actively looking anyone else and often this is how it goes at the start of a relationship before the chat about what’s going on.
he says he feels stupid as he didn’t know (until the exclusive chat) that I had even been on dating apps.
I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong? In fact even if I had still had a few dates I don’t think that’s wrong either but it just happened that I didn’t and I was quite interested in him.
I’ve told him I’m not going to let him make me feel bad for this when I haven’t done anything wrong and we could have easily met at a different time when he was also on dating apps.
am I being unreasonable? Apart from this it’s a lovely relationship but I don’t want to feel like I have to ‘defend myself’ or even explain myself when I don’t feel I’ve crossed a line

No I don’t think it’s healthy he is dwelling on this

Whiney insecurity is such a passion killer.

Yuck.

What does he want you to do about it? It can’t be changed.

Ok. Tinder started as a hook up app which is why I wondered.

if you’re both used to OLD then keeping your profiles shouldn’t have been a surprise to him.

You're five months in, time to cut the dead wood before you end up tethered to this man's fragile ego and the games they play to make it your fault.

Again though, fair enough after once or twice, but after date 3, 4 and 5…

Everyone has different expectations but I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that by date 3+ you’re sufficiently invested in that person that you’ve taken yourself off OLD.

If this was a woman posting to say they’ve been on 5 dates with a man and then found out he was still OLD she’d be told to run a mile, rightly so.

I can see why he'd feel thrown if he thought you were entirely focused on him. He needs to get over it now though.

My DH had a couple of 'irons in the fire' when we first met, after our first date, he removed them. I would never have held that against him, and I think anyone who would use someone's past against them is very very insecure, and probably isn't in the right place for a relationship.

Yep, and if he’d failed to remove them and you were on date 5? What then? Very different scenario.

If this was a woman posting to say they’ve been on 5 dates with a man and then found out he was still OLD she’d be told to run a mile, rightly so.

OP wasn't OLD. She still had profiles but wasn't dating anyone. A LOT more committed than my friends who are OLD currently. They are dating many men at once. Once they're shagging they have the exclusive conversation. But deleting the apps definitely takes more than 2-3 dates.

It's a different world now.

He needs to get over it, it's boring and controlling. You did nothing wrong and it does seem how dating is done these days.
If you are 'spoilt' to him then he needs to do one and not nag you to death over something that's not relevant to your future.
I do think it might be a sign of his personality and his dogmatic approach, doesn't sound like fun and it would give me the ick to be told off all the time.

Why would he think that OP was entirely focused on him after six dates in two months though? That’s not even seeing each other once a week.

That apart, though, and regardless of whether she did date anyone else in this time, the issue is that this man is dwelling on it. He’s found a stick to beat you with, OP, and he is using it. I have no experience of OLD but surely whatever you did until you had the ‘exclusive’ chat is your business and your business alone.

And I also agree that it is only a matter of time before he finds something else you have apparently done wrong to dwell on too. Etc.

You wouldn’t have the profiles and make a deal of removing them after 6 dates if you weren’t using them. HAVING the profiles, and the app, means you’re open/available… otherwise you delete them.

And as I said, fair enough after a couple of dates, but after 3, 4, 5 you’re either invested of you’re not.

Controlling, slippery slope, get rid.

@Mrsttcno1 now you're making things up. OP says she wasn't dating anyone else.

Tell him insecurity is a really unattractive trait.

Just log in and delete the account. The anxiety of knowing I could still be popping up on tinder to people who know me would eat me up.

Being on dating apps by definition is being open and available to dates. Nobody is on there looking for a new pair of shoes.

As I say if I’d been on 5 dates and then found out the man was actually still on Tinder or whatever site I’d not be happy with that. 1 or 2 dates, fair enough you’re sounding it out, but after 3/4/5 you either know or you don’t.

Blimey - there's quite a few insecure women on this thread by the looks of it!

OP - it's completely irrelevant what you did before you had an exclusivity chat with this man. You could have been banging half of the local football team and it is NOT HIS CONCERN. You are your own person with full autonomy over what you do and if you chose to remain on a dating app then that's your business

This only changed when you've both discussed becoming exclusive. If that conversation doesn't take place for 6 dates, then it doesn't take place for 6 dates. Who actually cares? Insecure weirdos, that's who

I'd personally be dumping him now tbh. He's showing his arse here and telling you exactly who he is.

If you happen to like whining, jealous, controlling pricks who wang on about their insecurities ad infinitum, then crack on. If you don't - chuck this one back

You are so out of touch.

I’m really not, I just personally wouldn’t have wanted to continue dating someone who after 4/5 dates was still keeping their options open on OLD :)

Lucky you’re not dating then

invested in someone by date three? get a life!😂

spot the person who was desperate to settle down as soon as she could.