New boyfriend keeps bringing up that I was on tinder when we first met

[Raddytin]

Met a man out at a gig around 5 months ago, at that time I was on dating apps, looking to meet someone. After around 2 months we decided to become official and I deleted all the apps then. In the time we were ‘dating’ I was on the dating apps but didn’t meet anyone (even for a month or 2 before that, I hadn’t had much luck on them. When we met he wasn’t on dating apps and said he had been taking a break from them after being on them for a while. Fair enough , we were in different places.
he keeps bringing up that he’s finding it hard “knowing I was on tinder when he was focussed on me only”. I’ve explained I wasn’t actively dating but we hadn’t chatted about being exclusive yet but I wasn’t actively looking anyone else and often this is how it goes at the start of a relationship before the chat about what’s going on.
he says he feels stupid as he didn’t know (until the exclusive chat) that I had even been on dating apps.
I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong? In fact even if I had still had a few dates I don’t think that’s wrong either but it just happened that I didn’t and I was quite interested in him.
I’ve told him I’m not going to let him make me feel bad for this when I haven’t done anything wrong and we could have easily met at a different time when he was also on dating apps.
am I being unreasonable? Apart from this it’s a lovely relationship but I don’t want to feel like I have to ‘defend myself’ or even explain myself when I don’t feel I’ve crossed a line

I do but funny you should mention friends. The reason I have posted tonight and that this has came up again is because I am going out with a female friend this weekend who I haven’t seen in a few months. My boyfriend was giving off funny vibes about this friend tonight and when pressed he said it’s because when I was last out with her he now knows I was on tinder at that time so he just feels ‘funny’ about her as he feels I was out on the pull with her so there was more to that night than he thought at the time (because he wasn’t aware I still had tinder)

Well, you can't change history so he either shuts up or ships off.

I would shut him down pretty briskly.

Oh god, get rid. He is now insecure about you going out with your friends. This one is not a keeper.

"Dear bf, this is something that has come up repeatedly now and it's starting to concern me because I've clarified repeatedly that as soon as we became exclusive I deleted all apps and I had not been dating anyone at any point while we were together. At no point have I cheated on you and yet you continue to bring this up. If this is something you cannot get past then perhaps we should end the relationship as it's starting to come across as controlling an disrespectful and I don't tolerate that in my relationships. If you want to continue dating me then you need to drop this permanently and move on from it. Your call."

Don't ignore these little red flags.

I am quite good at standing my ground with him and have said it’s irrelevant what I was or wasn’t doing before we became serious/exclusive but I wasn’t dating anyone else. I also said I wouldn’t have been too bothered if he was still on the apps at that stage and probably assumed he was

You can’t change the past, so what exactly does he want you to do? Has he been able to articulate that?

Just dump him and get back on Tinder.

Your relationship is not lovely. He just says or does some nice things to keep you on board so he can neg you. Ask yourself why you're even listening to this nonsense and then feeling you have to defend yourself.

How long is he going to harp on anyway? 1 year, 5, 10? If he's that bothered he should leave then. He doesn't respect you. Get rid and work on your self-esteem so you don't call sexist creeps like this 'lovely'. You haven't even known him long, why bother with this stress and drama in your life?

'dick is abundant'

Confucius

He just says he finds it hard to know that he was all in and I was still on the dating apps when he was falling for me

He either needs to never mention it again and get over it or you get over him. This one sounds dangerous.

This made me go cold, get rid of this man asap. He’s going to be a real pain if you don’t. He won’t change and he will use the dating app excuse to control your every move.

Jeez! Who needs that drama!?

Dump him. He's not going to get better and he's already trying to tell you what friends you can go out with.

Run!!!

Sorry OP but the red flag is waving at you.

You have quite strong views about this for someone who has never done OLD. What are you basing these assertions on?

It sounds like he's going to use the dating app as a lever to isolate you. Don't start shrinking your life and abandoning friendships to appease him.

I think you need to tell him his insecurity is really off-putting and that you need conversation around you and other guys to stop. I suspect that he'll then show you exactly who he is.

Please look after yourself. You sound lovely and straightforward. He sounds like a creep.

This is madness. Surely you can see that this is madness? I get that you were single for a while and probably breathed a sigh of relief when you thought you’d found your person, but this guy is not the one.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You have absolutely no understanding of how OLD works. No one deletes the apps after a handful of dates, unless things are moving very quickly and the "exclusive" conversation has been had...otherwise people would be constantly coming on and off the apps and (in some cases) paying to rejoin.

Can't stop laughing at the responses on this from the I've been married 20 years brigade, never dated, never done OLD but calling you out 😆 Sure you will take plenty advice from them!

You are doing modern dating correct and 6 dates is nothing. Apps deleted after the exclusivity chat, no issue 🤷🏼‍♀️

I would keep an eye on this one, possible potential to be needy/controlling 🤢

Thank you. Honestly sometimes mumsnet baffles me

Exactly this 👏