Anyone on here actually got a decent man?

[ALMummy]

I am curious to know whether anyone on MN actually has a DH or DP who does all or most of the following:

1. Is faithful
2. Does not behave abusively towards you either physically, verbally or emotionally in any way.
3. Is fair when it comes to finances.
4. Helps with housework and childcare.
5. Is supportive about things that are important to you.

I ask this because I read so many sad stories on here and in RL my friends all seem to have utter pigs for partners and I am beginning to wonder if ANYONE actually has a decent relationship, do they actually exist? How common is it? Am I living in Cloud Cuckoo land to expect any or all of the above?

Absolutely, moon.
I don't think I would attract a man who wasn't supportive, because I wouldn't put up with it for a minute
We are a team and best friends as well as everything else

Ah themoon66 it is possible to think that a man will do all those things and be sadly deceived.

My ex was a joyfull bundle of all the negatives that you point out Al mummy, abusive, unfaithfull, lazy, unfair with money, I did all the childcare ect ect. Like you i was surrounded by others in unhappy relationships with horrible partners and though if i JUST tried a bit harder and put up with him he'd suddenly magically become a decent bloke.

4 years ago I realised I was wasting my time and kicked him out, which was the best thing I EVER did. I've been with a lovely bloke for the past couple of years and he's moving in soon. I really didn't think blokes like him existed, he's so nice to me and so respectfull and polite to people generally and is happy to become a stepdad to my kids and thinks they are great.

my uncle died this week and he has been so supportive, giving me lots of cuddles, and he went to primark on his lunch hour and bought me some tights and a top for the funeral on his lunch hour to save me having to go into town,. He also midned the kids last night so i could go round to a friends house for wine and gossip, something my ex would NEVER have done.
I find it really sad that nothing has changed in the last four years for the friends I have in unhappy abusive relationships, they are still there dealing with the affairs,being hit ect ect too afraid to leave like I was. I also found being a single parent was MUCH MUCH preferable to being an abusive relationship too, i was much happier on my own that with my ex

I think a lot of the time, skeleton bones, it is the fear of being a single parent that stops people leaving.
Although of course once they do they are much happier!
Good for you, I am glad you have found happiness

Thank you skeletonbones that is really inspirational. Your first paragraph is me to a T. This thread has helped me make up my mind. I am pretty much emotionally disengaged from him now anyway. Just have to make things happen practically.

I was thinking last night that I dont think as long as I live I would ever trust another man again. I know that all women probably feel like this at the end of a bad relationship but it does run pretty deep for me. All I want is to live a peaceful life alone with my kids FOREVER.

Oh ALmummy, that's sad.
I have posted on your other thread-he sounds quite undermining of you
Good luck with this difficult stage in your life

good luck ALMummy, It really is so much better on your own than in a unhappy abusive relationship, I apreciated the simple things so much at first, not having to rush back to have his tea ready for when he got back from work, being able to have friends and their children to tea if I wanted, not being constantly stressed and dreading 6 o clock when he came home ect ect.

My dh ticks all those boxes and more besides. He's a gem. And from what I see almost all my friends dh's tick the boxes too.

Mine ticks all five boxes. In RL most of the women I know are in very happy marriages, and I'm really shocked and upset to read on MN the level of abuse, and apparent disinterest in family life so many women experience from the men in their life

4 1/2 out of five for mine. He is not good at helping round the house, but doesn't expect me to do it. It's just that he doesn't care.

bless him I'd say 5 out of 5
and on the last point he does try very hard with the little thingsand looks relieved and I say 'you can stop now'

and he is very funny

This morning while sorting washing I thought of another tick for your box. That my dp doesn't tick

1. Anticipating housework/child things that need to be done and doing them without prompting from you.

But then we are a bit like fullmoon in that he doesn't care, and neither do I really! No one will ever accuse us of living in a 'showhome'

And I thought he was perfect, sniff

Mine gets an A* in all of those.

And he's gorgeous and gives the best cuddles and is an ace fun dad to dd and we laugh a lot together and he makes a great cup of tea and I love him and he loves me.

yes - although his eyes sometimes glaze over when I start wittering on about the family tree research I am doing but fair enough - I do the same when he talks football.

Mine is great, I know how lucky I am and really do count my blessings. We laugh loads and he makes me feel very loved and appreciated.

I still have a bit of a whinge at him every now and then, though

Yes to all of the above.
He's a gem.
I do wish he'd be a bit quicker though, I moan that he takes an hour to do anything i ask of him, but i think that compared to what i read on here and what i have experienced myself it's not too much to complain about really!

Also can totally identify with skeletons first two paragraphs, I've written on here about my ex before, a complete arse.
DP took on me and my two children and we've just had our own baby, I didn't think men like him existed, but they do

1. Is faithful Yes
2. Does not behave abusively towards you either physically, verbally or emotionally in any way. never
3. Is fair when it comes to finances. more than fair
4. Helps with housework and childcare. Doesn't help. Does what needs to be done, the same as me.
5. Is supportive about things that are important to you. Totally.

Yes I too have an absolute star. It can be quite sickening at times. He is just too too nice.

Lets me watch soppy girlie chic flicks without making comments/tutting/raising eyebrows

Lusts after my appalling saggy body daily (must get his eyes tested)

Is an amazing Dad (he is currently being a climbing frame for ds2 aged 2 whilst I am on MN)

Mine is a gem, definitely. In fact, I almost can forgive him for shouting at the telly over this ridiculous match on at the mo....

One great thing about him is if I say something he does is bugging me, it generally stops forever...(with a few setbacks.)

1. Is faithful - Dp was cheated on by his first love with his friend so not likely to cheat, we've been together 6 yrs and so far so good

1. Does not behave abusively towards you either physically, verbally or emotionally in any way. -He can be horrible during a row but doesn't grind me down in an abusive way like my ex who was abusive

1. Is fair when it comes to finances. - yes more than fair imo

1. Helps with housework and childcare. - yes he's brilliant with dc's and will do what I ask around the house and will tidy if i'm out so its tidy when i get home.

1. Is supportive about things that are important to you. - He has really supported me with trying to lose weight lately, he's also supported me with my business and encourages me to enjoy myself and go out with my friends and yesterday brought me a wii fit!

He's fab and I'm hoping one day he will be my dh!

1,2,3 and 5..definitely dh. number 4..he tries with housework but i end up redoing it! the childcare he tells me off for taking it all on myself.
reading this thread has made me realise how fab dh really is. also he rings me from work at least once a day just to see how my day is going and tell me he loves me.
feeling all warm and fuzzy now!

me

he is not flawless though

Mine is lovely too. I had to wait until my thirties to find him but it was worth the wait.

I haven't read whole thread but in answer to OP my dh is a yes on all questions. I am lucky to have him even though I am a golf widow this weekend