Children coming out of the woodwork !

[ohh]

I met my husband of 20 years when he was 47 and he had only 1 child of 2 from a previous relationship which we gave unconditional love to and supported his mother. He is 70 now and just found out that he has 3 other children that he did not know about who were born in the 1970’s so adults now . 3 different mothers. Now all 3 trying to find out father - unknown why not told who their dad was . He is rather shocked and I’m a bit non plussed. My initial reaction was I hope our children (including the first he knew and grew up with us) are not affected as they are all under 23 as I am younger. Then I was like are you going to get to know them ? He doesn’t know what to do.

Indeed! I'm 66 and condoms had definitely been known of as a way of preventing unwanted pregnancies for some time when I became sexually active.

All we know is that a friend of the family who was married to another biker who was very bad to her and told him people are trying to find my husband

'@NewFriendlyLadybird

Oh come on. Plenty of people were sleeping around at the time the OP is talking about. No means of keeping in contact, the father not named on the birth certificate when the mother is unmarried, no CSA to go chasing after fathers for child support, and the children often adopted.'

I might be common in your circle, certainly is not in mine.

But could be true... Sexual abuse was rife in the seventies.

So three children by one woman. He had to know about them and presumably she wasn’t just some anonymous “groupie”. Seems he’s the sort of man who can walk away from his kids and never look back.

I think I would want a divorce too tbh.

This is far too much for someone to just be expected to take in their stride - not that the OP's husband is expecting her to btw. If I found this out about my (wonderful!) DH, I'd question if I really knew the man I fell in love with.

So sorry this has happened OP. Sorry for all the kids too...

Three different mothers.

He's hardly likely to have forgotten this!

Not forgotten but considered 'in the past' perhaps.

It’s not common in mine either, but that doesn’t mean being unaware that it happened, or finding it difficult to understand.

It’s very believable that a former member of the biker subculture would have children he didn’t know about. I doubt the mothers would have been able to trace him considering he probably rolled into their town one day and was gone the next, and all they had was a first name.

What do you do now? Well, what do you want to do now? You don’t have to do anything, given that this isn’t your mess. If he wants a relationship with them then you may choose to be part of that, but it’s entirely on him to take the lead.

It was indeed a different time. However many men then and now, seem to find it easy to walk away .Maybe he is irresponsible ,maybe he has changed now hes older? I would see if he wants to meet the older children, and how it goes first.Bikers or not lots of guys then were promiscious .All the me too media speculation deals with this .Women were seen as disposable as horrid as that sounds now .They carried all the risks and were seen almost fondly as "sewing their wild oats"

First I'd insist on blood tests to confirm then I'd be tying up the will and financial affairs in light of the potentially new additions.

To all the people slagging off my husband. He has never been loose but I going girlfriends he admits a few dalliances as he calls it when he was young 20’s which may be where these children come from. He has asked the family friend to give him his mobile number so not shirking responsibility, wants to find out more. We are just concerned about our family and want to protect there feelings as well as the new possible members! He was brought up as Jewish and rates women very highly. Family are important to him. Thank you

Not common in my circle now and certainly not at the time we’re talking about as I and my circle were all babies then. I find it possible, however, to consider things outside my own experience.

It’s certainly believable. I can’t say that I’m bothered about someone having lots of consensual sex when they’re young, and I wouldn’t be looking at reactions to an unplanned pregnancy through a modern lens. I don’t like some of the attitudes to women that are or were prevalent in Hell’s Angels culture, and I definitely don’t like the fact that the OP’s husband denigrates the ‘morals’ of the women he slept with then. That would be the thing that would give me pause if I were the OP, not the fact that he unknowingly fathered children 50 years ago when so many things were different.

Take it all with a pinch of salt, OP. I know older (ex)hippies like this, where their children have only recently started to look into who their dad is. The main thing I learnt is that hippies love gossip, and have spectacularly unreliable memories, which they absolutely swear are true.

Get DNA tests before any meetings.

Are there grandchildren/great-grandchildren too? Quite a family tree to unravel.

"He has never been loose"

Right... except he was in a biker gang and got 3 random women pregnant. Then another one when he was in his 40s (whose mother he left before the child was 2yo).

"rates women very highly"

Except when he's judging the morals of the ones who 'throw themselves at him', while also being promiscuous himself.

OP, I think you need to open your eyes.

The woman he was with in his 40s is currently in prison so he did not leave her. We took care of the said child and visited her in prison when he was older , now has nothing to do with her.

You're not getting it OP. The fact is that even when he was in his 40s (by which time most men have grown up and act responsibly), he got a woman (who was not, from the sound of it, a long term partner) pregnant in an ill-advised situation. This man is the definition of 'loose'

OP, I don't know how on earth you can say that your husband has never been "loose" and describe his reckless shagging around as a "few dalliances" when there are three children now trying to get in touch with him. Next thing you'll be telling us that he only slipped up three times and each time resulted in a pregnancy! How many women did he sleep with and how many other possible children are out there?! You need to stop minimising his behaviour.

.

In prison for what I wonder? Are there drugs involved ? Most women who are incarcerated are substance dependant many are prostitutes. In any event it is likely she was very vulnerable, somehow that is the opposite of reassuring.

This.

With bells on.

There has been a longstanding recognition, dating back to the 2007 Corston
Report, that women who enter the criminal justice system, and those who go on to
enter custody, are more likely to be complex and vulnerable individuals. We have
heard how women often present with challenges such as substance misuse and mental
health issues as well as complex histories of trauma and abuse, including domestic
abuse.

From this report:https://publications.parliament.uk/pa/cm5803/cmselect/cmjust/265/report.html#:~:text=The%20Committee%20launched%20its%20inquiry,of%20the%20Female%20Offender%20Strategy.