Children coming out of the woodwork !

[ohh]

I met my husband of 20 years when he was 47 and he had only 1 child of 2 from a previous relationship which we gave unconditional love to and supported his mother. He is 70 now and just found out that he has 3 other children that he did not know about who were born in the 1970’s so adults now . 3 different mothers. Now all 3 trying to find out father - unknown why not told who their dad was . He is rather shocked and I’m a bit non plussed. My initial reaction was I hope our children (including the first he knew and grew up with us) are not affected as they are all under 23 as I am younger. Then I was like are you going to get to know them ? He doesn’t know what to do.

He sounds completely irresponsible going around impregnating people and not even knowing he did.

Having myself been a 'child coming out of the woodwork' - I would encourage him to treat them all with kindness, respect, honesty and humility. I was not lucky enough to receive that response.

Your 'woodwork' phrase is distasteful. Children are not worms and it is your DH's reckless behaviour that is being exposed, not the existence of the human consequences of his actions.

Maybe he could get to know them and then later you could be introduced and then later your children.

Just take it slowly, maybe they are just curious and a relationship won’t even be developed.

To have one accidental unknown child could be considered misfortune, three looks like carelessness.

How could he be irresponsible, if he didn't know?

The mothers 'threw themselves at him'? He didn't have to catch them and pop them on his boaby did he?

😬

How did you find out? Why are you finding out about all 3 now?

@5iveleafclover because he was having lots of unprotected sex, which he knew he was doing. He didn't care if any of the women became pregnant and clearly didn't see any of them for any length of time otherwise he might have noticed that they were pregnant. How is that not irresponsible?

Newlittlerescue gave a good explanation of how that might have happened. They found each other on a dna site and then someone close to him added their DNA and they all identified him as their dad.

Because he shot his semen inside at least three women without caring about the obvious possible biological consequences.

Then failed to maintain communication with those women for much longer than it takes a kitten to gestate.

I very much doubt that 3 separate women didn't inform him.

Three looks like a hobby.

He was having unprotected sex...the same as the women. Everyone was irresponsible.

You have to remember that the idea that men had to worry about these things too was simply not a consideration in the 60's and 70's. The phrase "She got herself into trouble" was in common usage even into the 80's when I was a teenager. I mean she didnt do it on her own!

But men getting their leg over and walking away from an consequences is a tale as old as time. Now admittedly, this one seem to have been rather more profilic than most, but it doesnt change the fact that no one would have judged him much for being a "lad".
The young women however would have suffered horrible judgement. We dont even know if these people were brought up by their natural mothers, there is a very good chance that at least one was adopted, if not all.

Sounds like a biker group that was local to me in the 70's. Day out to a seaside resort on the bikes, few beers, leg over, back home. If they never went back, how would they know that they had left a pregnant young woman behind them?

Except the women spent years of their lives actually raising and providing for the lives they created! FFS.

Because of course he wouldnt have given them a false phone number or address would he? No man EVER has done that after a one night stand has he......?

That sort of attitude definitely belongs to the 60s and 70s.

You dont know that they did. As a said above, very good chance one or more was adopted.

You are judging something that happened over 50 years ago by todays standards.

I am not saying that its right, but the simple fact is that as a man at that time it would not have crossed his mind to worry about it because it wasnt a mans problem. No one will have taught him to be careful. Lads will be lads and all that is what we are still trying fight back against now.

Your own words

He sounds completely irresponsible going around impregnating people and not even knowing he did.

How can he look after kids he didn't know he had?

Or tried to and realised he'd left them high and dry? I could understand one woman not telling him perhaps, but three? Hmmm.

Yes how terrible of these awful women who forced him to sleep with them…. Come on OP.

Which is exactly why you'd have expected them to be more careful. I'm a child of the 70s and the need to avoid unmarried pregnancy was very much drummed into girls then.

😂😂

You sound lovely. Look after yourself this must be awful x

I was specifically responding to your point made above "Everyone was irresponsible".

The women took some responsibility, he didn't.

If any of the children were adopted then this Prince of a man left three women with the trauma of carrying, birthing and relinquishing a child as well as facing social opprobrium and dealing with lifelong shame and grief.

I am not saying they should have felt ashamed, but read any personal history of a woman who gave up a child to adoption in the 60s and 70s and she will report that she did.