Children coming out of the woodwork !

[ohh]

I met my husband of 20 years when he was 47 and he had only 1 child of 2 from a previous relationship which we gave unconditional love to and supported his mother. He is 70 now and just found out that he has 3 other children that he did not know about who were born in the 1970’s so adults now . 3 different mothers. Now all 3 trying to find out father - unknown why not told who their dad was . He is rather shocked and I’m a bit non plussed. My initial reaction was I hope our children (including the first he knew and grew up with us) are not affected as they are all under 23 as I am younger. Then I was like are you going to get to know them ? He doesn’t know what to do.

Thanks all but much worse than drugs possible mental health issues yes but first degree 18 years

This does not make him sound any better. Not by a long shot.

First degree murder isn't a thing in the UK

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/homicide-murder-manslaughter-infanticide-and-causing-or-allowing-death-or-serious

I feel other posters are missing what seems like this one and only fact. ALL you know is that:

a third party told your DH that 'people' are trying to find your DH.

*and your DH may not have seen this person in 40+ years?

Totally meaningless. This does not make for three confirmed, biologically related children.

@Neurodiversitydoctor to be fair, @ohh doesn’t specifically say she’s in the UK. Lots of us are expat Mumsnetters in other countries. Not trying to be contrary, but it would be a thing where I am.

Oh come on op. You’re stretching incredulity now.

The biker gang and “first degree” something makes it sound like she’s in the US. Or did I see someone suggest NZ? Doesn’t sound like a very salubrious past.

Same. I assumed the OP was in the US.

I was a teen in the '70s, and most girls were asked if they "were on the pill", and the answer often determined condom usage. VD (STD) clinics were busy, but this was pre-AIDS and most venereal diseases were treatable/curable. Crabs and the Clap seemed to be the most common.

Probably not one to put on your CV.

Let’s assume your husband was a woman.

3 children. All 3 children by different fathers. All 3 fathers unknown (or at least not traceable) at the date of birth.

One additional child “out of wedlock” with an unstable man who ends up serving time in prison.

2 (Edit: 3?) additional children with a 5th man (that 5th man would be you, btw). The 5th man being the one this imaginary woman ends up marrying.

Are you sure that this woman would not meet your definition of the word “loose”?

Or do you simply have different standards for men (or for your DH specifically)?

Your DH being a man allowed him to walk away without facing the consequences of his actions. He did not have to face the judgement and scrutiny of society. Nor the financial hardship his children and their mothers most likely had to endure. But he is just as “loose” as this imaginary woman would (or wouldn’t) be.

Update if anyone is interested. Just the 1 child that did dna research and she wanted to know as starting at ivf. The other 2 were from other brother who is a dog in men’s terms

I don’t know what that means. The influence of Halloween has me thinking werewolf.

So has he done a DNA test himself? Or is it all suspicions on a family tree with many brothers?

Surely he wouldn’t have an IVF baby without knowing? Or do you mean she is thinking of IVF?

Surely he wouldn’t have an IVF baby without knowing? Or do you mean she is thinking of IVF?

The 34 year old girl .husband thinks she might be his as remembers her mum . The girl ha not spoken to her mummies found her birth dad was not her dad so very sad for all.

?

So there has been no DNA test comparing the 34 year old woman's and your DH's DNA. There are still no confirmed children.

Like getting blood from a stone, this...

The other 2 were from other brother who is a dog in men’s terms

Fucking hell, so your husband’s brother has copped on with, and fathered more children that he’s then abandoned than your no morals husband?

Finding out what your husband and his brother are like must be very upsetting considering what you’ve said about women who are promiscuous.

So the women threw themselves at him and his brother is a “dog” but this guy is a paragon of virtue?

It's very revealing, isn't it?

I find it sad for these children - adults though they are now. They’ve grown up without their dad - whatever the reason - and they feel something is missing. The mums may have been one night stands but we don’t know that. Men so often feel they can just walk away. Even better if they can blame the mum. They don’t have to be in a biker gang, married men do it as well! Just no sense of responsibility towards their own children. If children can’t rely on their parents to be there then who is there for them?

And then the women who they are with making excuses for the dreadful behaviour of their partner and encouraging them to believe that the intentions of those kids are dishonest or greedy in someway, instead of encouraging them to take responsibility and at least acknowledge their consequences of their actions.

And assuming the kids were not put up for adoption (we don’t really know) then it’s strange how the mums always get the blame. They are loose and immoral. They have also been there for their child throughout their upbringing with all the expense, emotional and physical toil of that - which never really ends. Yet they are looked down upon.