Father is refusing to return our son

[Gownsandteas]

Hello everyone,

I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. On Friday, my son went to a holiday club at school. He took a while to come back home and I couldn't get through to him on the phone. I called the school receptionist who told me that DS left a while ago as his father picked him up and said he will return him. I immediately called DS's father who refused to pick up his phone- when he finally did. He answered and said that DS is staying with him and he will not return him to me. Since then, he has refused to let me speak with DS, has refuse to tell me when he will be bringing back DS. I went out with a friend tonight as my head was in a mess and when the father called me, he sounded angry that I went out with a friend and proclaimed that DS no longer wanted to go back home.

Before anyone asks, I have contacted the police who were very sympathetic but told me that there was nothing they can do (as he has PR), same thing with social services. I just don't know what to do from here on now.

It's quite a jump from no overnight contact to removing PR!

Well done on rescuing your DS from that situation OP, and good luck with the courts. That sad excuse for a man is absolutely vile - holding his own son hostage just to extort sex from you. His parental rights should have been removed long ago

Yes, I hated the way I went about it. It was so wrong.

It wasn't in the least wrong. Face it, your ex would have had sex with you and then refused to return your son.

I hope you're seeing a solicitor right now in order to get an emergency order, and you have made sure the school know he is not to be released to his father.

Good luck at Court today x

@craftycariad I'm afraid you're very naive if you don't believe there is gender bias in the court, particularly in relation to abuse victims. I speak professionally.

Research, including by the UN, has proven deeply entrenched gender bias against women in the justice system. There has been damning evidence against the family court system. The MoJ has endorsed the findings of the Harm Report. The report to the Select Committee found that practice direction 12J was being wilfully misinterpreted and that misogyny and sexist behaviour by the judiciary and family court practitioners was placing women and children at risk. Further it found that civil protection orders and bail conditions were being vacated inappropriately favour of contact due to gender bias and contact at all costs mantra. Other observations included 'a hostile and demeaning environment' against women. Gendered decisions based on patriarchal beliefs via the use of parental alienation theory without any basis in scientific foundation (Silburg) and the safety of women and children being compromised due to gender bias in favour of men ( Choudry).

It's an old trope that men trotted out by Fathers4Justice that men are discriminated against when the overwhelming peer reviewed evidence is that the opposite is true.

“I went out with a friend tonight as my head was in a mess and when the father called me, he sounded angry that I went out with a friend and proclaimed that DS no longer wanted to go back home.” Is it likely that this is true? Could your ds be unhappy with your drinking and be making a stand?

Op it's incredible your detective work, well done! Good luck at court

Thank you all for the replies once again. We are in the court house waiting to hear if we can have our hearing heard. DS has been acting unusual. I thought it may be due to yesterday's events but he has been very down. He didn't even look happy when I saw him at his father's place. He also woke up this morning and said "ouch" and rubbed the side of his body. When I looked, there was nothing there and then he said that he "fell down the stairs" but is refusing to tell me what happened before that. Sigh.

You should get ss involved. It's definitely sounds like somthing happened to him .
Would he tell a nurse what happened ? Or gp?

What is made up in that sentence? I'm going off what OP said.

But the father has been in and out of the kids life, picked him up from holiday club and refused to let the mother speak with the child. Took the child to stay in a hostel. Somethings not right and I would involve everyone I could!

OP Good luck in court this morning

A criminal background doesn't mean he's likely to kill his child. Nor does living in a hostel or taking him without the mother's permission. Talking about risk to life is hyperbole and yes, made up. What he actually did is concerning enough, nobody needs to make themselves look ridiculous talking about 'risk to life' where there is no evidence at all of that. All that will do is make OP look dramatic and unreliable.

Yes sorry I was rushing

Well done, you got him back in a very good and safe way as it avoided any confrontation with your ex. I had to do similar when my ex took my DD and refused to return her - she had an appointment at the child clinic down the road from me that he had to take her to, I went too and took her home while he was talking to the nurse privately (to talk shit about me, I assume).
Do not take your DS back, go to court and get things sorted legally to protect you and DS. Good luck.

Unless there's a Prohibited Steps Court Order in place stating that the child is not to be removed from the mother's care (something I have, thank fully) so the school legally can refuse if DD's father ever turned up wielding her birth certificate

To be fair, somewhere up thread OP said she was scared he would kill her son (family annihilation) perhaps in response to a PP?

Some other poster mentioned family annihilation first.

Just an update.

We got the prohibited steps order.

We have our short hearing next week so that DS's father could attend.

There was another attempt at DS's father taking DS away again (long story). But luckily, I was able to deescalate this.

Thanks everyone for all the support and support. I do believe that DS's father is doing all of this just to control me. But hopefully this is a sign that he will no longer have control of me.

Did your ex take DS phone off him when he took him OP?

How was DS when you got him home?

It seems to me like he will try this again and again. Have you discussed ways that DS can get home next time? For instance an agreed time you will be round the corner in a taxi etc? DS ringing police if he is able to? It’s very worrying. Well done for persevering OP.

💐

I’m so pleased you got him back, by any means possible!

DS's father has DS's phone and Oyster card. He even hid one of DS's shoe (not sure if this was just a coincidence to be fair).

DS seemed shaken when he got home but I believe it was more due to the circumstances.

He did say that he wanted to stay but did want to go home as his father is too strict.
DS was not aware of what was going on in the background (e.g., father threatening to remove DS from school etc).

So glad you got the prohibited steps order. Hope all goes well with the next steps. Hopefully your ex will give up once he realises he can't control you.

Well done Op! It is absolutely to control you. My ex did the same and it ended badly for him. I started calling the police any time he said anything and eventually they gave me a non harassment order. It's the only thing that gets through to these scum bags is when you fight back and show you won't be walked over. You certainly did that, and protected your boy 💪🏼

Can you cancel the phone? Don’t want his dad having any kind of access!

Well done @Gownsandteas

Will be rooting for you at next stage.