Father is refusing to return our son

[Gownsandteas]

Hello everyone,

I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. On Friday, my son went to a holiday club at school. He took a while to come back home and I couldn't get through to him on the phone. I called the school receptionist who told me that DS left a while ago as his father picked him up and said he will return him. I immediately called DS's father who refused to pick up his phone- when he finally did. He answered and said that DS is staying with him and he will not return him to me. Since then, he has refused to let me speak with DS, has refuse to tell me when he will be bringing back DS. I went out with a friend tonight as my head was in a mess and when the father called me, he sounded angry that I went out with a friend and proclaimed that DS no longer wanted to go back home.

Before anyone asks, I have contacted the police who were very sympathetic but told me that there was nothing they can do (as he has PR), same thing with social services. I just don't know what to do from here on now.

You need to see a lawyer tomorrow @Gownsandteas

Exactly this.
A woman I know had her 14 yr old decide he was going to live with his dad 25 miles away.
He's still with him 10 years later, as the dad's ''carer''.

A 14 yr old has agency, and can choose to come home to his mum if he wishes.

Yes he has an EHCP and is at a special school.

www.educationotherwise.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/05/Fact-sheet-Special-Schools-deregistration.pdf

When I have told DS previously if he wanted to live with his dad. He would say no, that he does not want to. He may say something different when not in his father's care. But my son see's my external family on a nearby daily basis. My mother and my two sisters just live across the road from us and often see's them frequently or they pop round. He would definitely be missing that.

Does this also apply to independent special schools?

Whatever type of school your son attends, the father cannot legally remove him from the school or send him to a different school without your consent. He also needs your consent to take your son out of the country. It is a criminal offence for him to try to take your son out of the country without your consent.

The only way he can do either of these things legally without your consent is to get a court order.

Op check this with your solicitor as I’m not an expert, but it seems from googling to be the case unless the fees are being paid by parents. I assume your LA are paying the fees?

Again check with your solicitor but it looks as though the LA can’t unreasonably refuse permission to deregister. Ask the solicitor if the current living circumstances and your unwillingness to agree amount to a reason to refuse permission.

www.ibblaw.co.uk/insights/can-i-change-my-childrens-school-without-the-other-parents-agreement-or-permission

A friend obtained a prohibited steps order from court which prevented the other parent taking the child out of the current school. You can ask your solicitor if this would be possible in your case.

Do you know where they are? Ask the police to do a welfare check. A SEND child is very vulnerable and considered so in safeguarding terms. I would be ringing everyone, police, social services, Google your local authorities Multi agency safeguarding hub if you don't have contact details, school, the local authority SEND department. Again Google your local authority SEND team. Sofa surfing, a hostel or equivalent aren't suitable for your son. Having parental responsibility does give rights but there's a lot of back history here, no contact for years etc etc. You need urgent legal advice, find a solicitor that specialises in family law as soon as possible.

As OP's son has an EHCP, a prohibited steps order is definitely possible. OP can apply for one as a backstop in case the courts refuse to order the return of her son. However, despite his age, on the information posted by OP there is a good chance that the courts would order his return even if her son wants to stay with his father.

If he's living in a hostel do you think he's seized the boy as a means to getting out of their and into better accommodation and claiming benefits?

He might give the boy up once he's in a flat or house.

A shared room with strange men in a hostel is no place for a 14 year old with SEN. Your son is vulnerable.
Surely the police and social services can see that? Have they offered to do anything at all to safeguard your son? I think I'd kick up a fuss until someone went to check on his welfare if I were you. He could be getting dragged into all sorts. Is your ex a criminal? Why is he in a hostel?
Poor lad.

…but no-one on here knows them. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Unless of course, you do.

If your son is in a private specialist school, one that you are paying for then I imagine this is where you could just deregister from the advice in that link. If it is a state specialist school that you have been given a place in by the local authority then just withdrawing him is much harder and you would need to obtain permission from the LA.

This organisation might be useful? https://www.rightsofwomen.org.uk

Don't panic. It's more likely 'Application for a council house' than that.

It's the LA who are paying the fees.

He is on the homeless register. I know he has said that he put down that he needed to put DS's name down as he wants a two bed flat.

Regardless of the type of school, the father cannot legally deregister OP's son without either OP's consent or a court order. The fact there is an EHCP naming the school and the LA is paying the fees means it is highly unlikely he would get a court order.

What a frightening situation. I hate that the police don't have any power to remove your son and lock up your ex. He sounds like a dangerous man.

Thank you @prh47bridge that is reassuring to hear.

@TheSilkWorm I've been through this myself! That's exactly what happened and in the UK! I also have legal experience. Please check your facts before posting nonsense

If it were me I'd go to the school tomorrow and ask to speak to the safeguarding lead. Tell them your ex is abusive and violent and you fear he may have DS against his will. Ask if they can do a welfare check. At least then you can be reassured your DS is safe while you take this through the legal channels.