Father is refusing to return our son

[Gownsandteas]

Hello everyone,

I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. On Friday, my son went to a holiday club at school. He took a while to come back home and I couldn't get through to him on the phone. I called the school receptionist who told me that DS left a while ago as his father picked him up and said he will return him. I immediately called DS's father who refused to pick up his phone- when he finally did. He answered and said that DS is staying with him and he will not return him to me. Since then, he has refused to let me speak with DS, has refuse to tell me when he will be bringing back DS. I went out with a friend tonight as my head was in a mess and when the father called me, he sounded angry that I went out with a friend and proclaimed that DS no longer wanted to go back home.

Before anyone asks, I have contacted the police who were very sympathetic but told me that there was nothing they can do (as he has PR), same thing with social services. I just don't know what to do from here on now.

This is not true, he is a minor. Please ignore Silkworms comments, it's all hyperbole. You need to approach the court. Especially given his SEN.

My local magistrates court has 'Town name Court House' written on the front of it (northern England) and I was a Mackenzie Friend in a hearing last week with the judge using the term Custody multiple times!

Please get your facts straight

Have just seen your updates:

You definitely need to do an urgent court application, do this tomorrow. The fact that he is 14 is not going to be as relevant due to his SEN, also your ex seeking to change schools will need your consent regardless of his age, so please ignore the posters saying that the courts can’t do anything because of his age.

You need to flag on the application that he has dual nationality and so could be a flight risk, especially if the other country is a non-Shengun (sp?) country. I believe that there can be an alert placed on ports and airports if there is a risk of a child being removed from the UK without parental consent, but I am not sure if you would need to have a court order first.

Also make sure the school are aware that you do not consent to him being removed from the school and that you submitting a court order to prevent this. If your ex attempts to change his school then the current school will be informed, so you can ask them to let you know if they do receive information from another school.

Giving your DCs vulnerability, your ex’s history and his lack of suitable housing, I would consider asking the police to do a welfare check.

Blimey, you must be beside yourself. As the police etc can't really help as he has PR, you need to get solid legal advice asap. Your poor son too.

@Gownsandteas From how you've described this horrible man OP, it sounds like he's taken your poor son in an attempt to both be housed quicker and get the child benefit and any SEN benefits he'd be entitled to. I guarantee that he'll be making the calls tomorrow. You need to contact Child Benefit first thing tomorrow and let them know not to have payments changed to him. I would also contact your council's housing office and let them know too as he'll be telling them he now has custody of his son so that he gets a bigger place and sooner.

Either way, you MUST contact court and get an emergency hearing asap. It's all very well collecting your son at lunchtime a week on Monday but your ex will just do the same the next day.
Also, your ex doing this will be looked upon incredibly dimly by the judge in any future child arrangements hearings you may have.

In the emergency court hearing, once the Judge agrees to hand legal care of your son back to you, the court Sheriff (yes, they do have them in the UK) will track your ex down, hand him the order and inform him of what time he must hand your son back to you by.

If he does not comply, then the Police DO have the legal power to arrest him for breaching a court order.
Please ignore those who are trying to say the above is not true, I see this on a weekly basis. It's very rare that the Police have to take action as the father usually complies at this point, once they've seen the official court order. Also the Sheriff makes it abundantly clear what will happen if they don't.
However I have personally witnessed the Judge order the police to arrest for breaching the order.

School is closed for a week

It's true that the police cannot act right now, because your ex is named on the birth certificate. However once there's been an emergency hearing and the Judge agrees to hand legal care of the child back to the normal parent (OP), that creates a court order which IF BREACHED (ie: OP's ex doesn't comply with the order stating child to be returned by X time) then that is when the police have to capability to arrest him for breaching a court order.

Best of luck, OP

Ah. Had forgotten that.

Aha - thanks!

if, indeed, his plan is to go to the council claiming he now has "custody" of his son in the hope of getting a house or a flat then he's wasted his time. He will need the DC's birth certificate, proof from the court that he is now the resident parent and photographic ID, likewise if he wants to claim any benefits you get for your son. Once he realises the only way to get any housing and/or money is to go through the courts he may back down and disappear from your son's life again. Meanwhile do as others suggest wrt court/welfare check/notifying the school. Good luck Op and stay strong.

ETA...He may have 2 out of the 3 documents he needs but without the court order they are not worth much if anything.

Thank you all for commenting on my thread. I wasn't expecting so many replies. So I am really grateful for the support. I have now taken numerous voice recordings of DS's father stating that he will not be returning DS back unless I get him (this is the code for that he wants me to go to sleep with him). He also stated that if anyone was to come and collect DS from him that I will never get him back. This is all recorded. Im wondering if I could play this in court?

Maybe, but I'd definitely take it to the police as it may well fall under the offence of "sexual coercion"...I could be wrong though.

Can you re try the police. Given he is sen and staying in a place that does not sound paticularly safe. Also the obvious weird motivation for your ex taking your ds.
When was the last time you had a relationship with him? Had you been sleeping with him recently?

I would ask to speak to a police officer who is trained in domestic abuse. This sounds like coercive behaviour.

I hope you may have some real life support @Miniope I really feel for you.

Your ds has SN. The police need to do a welfare check at the very least.. This isn't a regular 14 year old flouncing off to their other parent..

Exactly. I'd argue it's abduction.

Legally it's not

No ? Ok. But if the son has been taken and he's not happy or safe to be there and he's made coercive threats about give me sex or I'm keeping him and she does not know where he is....

Is there really no law been broken there?

So awful.

No law has been broken. The father has PR. What the boy's wishes are is speculation at this point.

Because nobody knows where the kid is!

Sorry but this sucks. There needs to be a welfare check. He not a regular parent. He is an abusive man who lives in a hostel..

Maybe it's worth posting in Legal board @Gownsandteas

Sorry I tagged wrong person before. The @ was playing up..

Until there is a criminal offence committed or a court order he's just as much a parent in the law as the mother is.

go and get him?
have someone else waitign in the car/round the corner

then get a court order asap - if he goes against this, it can be enforced

Just an update.

I have DS back. Father not happy and making all sorts of threats. We are going to the court first thing tomorrow.

I hope he's ok and court goes in your favour tomorrow.

Thank goodness you have your lovely boy back. Idk if he lets you hug him. But I’m sure you’re so relieved. Good luck for the court case tomorrow.