Father is refusing to return our son

[Gownsandteas]

Hello everyone,

I am at my wits end and I don't know what to do. On Friday, my son went to a holiday club at school. He took a while to come back home and I couldn't get through to him on the phone. I called the school receptionist who told me that DS left a while ago as his father picked him up and said he will return him. I immediately called DS's father who refused to pick up his phone- when he finally did. He answered and said that DS is staying with him and he will not return him to me. Since then, he has refused to let me speak with DS, has refuse to tell me when he will be bringing back DS. I went out with a friend tonight as my head was in a mess and when the father called me, he sounded angry that I went out with a friend and proclaimed that DS no longer wanted to go back home.

Before anyone asks, I have contacted the police who were very sympathetic but told me that there was nothing they can do (as he has PR), same thing with social services. I just don't know what to do from here on now.

Just read more definitely email school. Put in the email who the child is normally with on each day, ie. who should collect. My child’s school always wanted to know who would collect and dad rarely does so i had to notify them in advance and they would not have let the children go with him. email try be as objective as possible, remain as calm as you can. Sending you hugs 🤗

Yes, but his school go back next Monday. DS dad would not bring DS back to school.

Ok, so you can make an urgent application for a prohibited steps order in relation to removing him from school and in relation to his care arrangements. It may not be enforceable at this stage but it would help you to have a child arrangement order that sets out that he lives with you. First thing Monday complete the forms and send them to the court.

Ask police to do a welfare check? Social services fir safeguarding?

Do what others suggest, get a court order next week

Separately to this stop contacting the dad, he's doing it to upset you so the more you don't contact him the more he is likely to return him to you/school because it's not having the desired effect

Your son is 14 and isn't in danger from what you've said, YOU are the one in danger

OP it’s very worrying. You need to ignore several of the posters on here (emergency custody hearing???). Report the harassment and threats from your ex to the police. Fill in the C100 form. You can do it today. Write that it’s urgent. Apply for the prohibited steps order to prevent removal and the child arrangements order for your son to live with you. Your other option is to call a family law solicitor tomorrow. You are likely to get legal aid because of the domestic abuse.

also, now that you’ve shared about your son having SEN and your ex living in unsuitable accommodation and being abusive with a criminal record i think you should call social services and ask for an urgent assessment. Tell them why you think your son is at risk in his father’s care.

@silkworm, thank you. But some posters are saying that it will be unlikely that I get an order as DS is 14. Should I also fill out the child arrangements order?

It's presumably half term so you are stuck this week. Be careful what you message. Message or email requesting son be returned home. Screen shot all responses as he could delete them. Request politely everyday tgat he returns son.

In the meantime email school - head. And make them aware what has happened and explain (briefly and factually) what type of man thus is)

Get proper legal advice, speak to womens aid if you don't know where to go.

Apply for an appointment emergency court order.

Inform social services and that you are worried for your son

Gather all evidence of this man's behaviour, lack of contact etc.

Prepare for court.

Complete an urgent ex parte ( no notice to other party) C100 and complete the specific issues box asking to immediate return of son. Provide all info and also tick child abduction. He is likely to flee.

Have the hearing. Get court baliff to serve the notice. If not returned back to court for an order for police removal.

After this there will be hearing for a month or so time where Cafcass will have started reports.

The police did mention but said knowing his history, this will aggravate the situation. DS's father would use the opportunity to sofa surf.

But once he sees the court order and does not return DS, what do I do? He would flee.

I think you need to go the court route and involve SS as DS is very vulnerable.

Do you think there is a risk of your ex being a "family annihilator". This is something you need to flag.

Just to add you only get legal aid if the domestic abuse is documented and within the past 6 months

"Family annihilation".... Ohno. Now I am worried.

You should complete the application for a child arrangement order and prohibited steps order. One goes with the other but they should be heard together. As he has SEN the situation is a bit different even though he's 14 and the school issue is urgent and relevant whatever his age

I think you need to stop being scared and get the courts and the law on your side.

There are people out there who can help you legally - you have been give a lot of information and you are now over processing.

Friend in similar situation was convinced (by him) that he would get full custody - he got 50/50 and hasn’t seen the child since.

The courts told him 50/59 and he wasn’t being told!

You’d be surprised

You would be in no worse position than you are now but you would have the law on your side.

Do the welfare check. That’s the least you can do for your son. Plaster his face over social media if he goes missing.

Or do absolutely nothing and wait for your son to be dragged around different bedsits with an abusive person.

Ask for the police to undertake a welfare check so that you know where he is & that he is ok at the moment.

@Silvertulips you are right. I'm worried to aggravate the situation. But he has attempted to do this before. I should have used that as a sign to get certain things in place.

This is just what I was about to say.

You don't know where your son is?.the ex has made threats to you and you think he's taken his phone.

Mention the SEN. Your child is vulnerable. Mention living in hostels (why is ex in a hostel?)

You can apply for an emergency order. I've done it and self represented. It's not easy but it is doable. ( It wasn't same circumstances though. )

I'm so sorry. I can't imagine.

Yes, do this.

If the ex is in a hostel, do you think he is using DS to get accommodation? Present himself as homeless with child would bump him up. Men usually get no help otherwise, apart from being given a sleeping bag if they are lucky.

That's a very good point. OP if you know where he is staying try contacting the homeless department tomorrow and give them a heads up that if he presents as homeless with your DS, your DS is not homeless and needs to come back to live with you. They will not want to accommodate him if they don't have to.

Now I am worried that if I go to court. He would flee and kill my son (family annihilation). Would it be safer to go to court when DA comes back?

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP? Are police and social services aware of DS's SEN and that DS may be at risk of harm from his dad, due to a history of violence?