What is fair for DP to contribute towards home I own?

[Namechange98457]

I own my own home, partner moved in 4 years ago before we had our DS. I pay the mortgage, he pays all bills. Food/things for DS is split equally. We don't pool wages every month, but we do have a shared bank account.

When it comes to repairs or improvements to the house, what is fair for him to contribute? As if it puts value on the house, he won't get any return from that and I will, but he is living there and it is our home, which I don't want to go to ruin and it does need money spending on it to make it nice and liveable for our DS.

At the moment, I am paying for all the big things like a new boiler, masonry paint, guttering fixed etc. These are very expensive and it's a struggle to do this on my own.

Is it fair that I pay, or do I ask for something towards it, as he lives there?

Or do I ask him to come onto the mortgage with me and we split everything down the middle.

Thanks all, I appreciate your input here.

So I have offered my DP some options. One being we look at other slightly larger houses to buy together to accommodate all of us, to which he said why don't we stay in the house we are in here, there's nothing wrong with it.

Two being if we stay in my house, then would he come onto the mortgage with me (I will ring fence my contribution) and we start to pay towards this is as a shared asset for our future. He said he would need to think about this, but wasn't too worried that if we don't he could come out of this, should the worst happen without any security.

I feel slightly stuck in this, as he isn't keen on moving (I am, the house is too small) and he also isn't jumping to own the house with me. To move forward, I think I need some solid indication that he is committed to this financially.

He is happy with how things are because he's paying virtually nothing in living expenses and also has no responsibility for the upkeep of the place. Charge him a decent amount (eg. Lodger rate) plus bills and make sure he also contributes fairly to your child's expenses. Keep the money he gives you in a home improvement fund. Make sure he pulls his weight in housework and garden maintenence as he'd have to do if he were renting somewhere.

I'm going against the grain here and saying he should be paying rent, he's essentially living for free! Then you can put this toward the mortgage.

OP I can’t understand the people who think he should just pay half his bills and live rent free in your house!

No wonder he doesn’t want to move or buy a house together. He would never get a deal like this anywhere else. £300 a month all inclusive and free run of the house. He wouldn’t even find a house share so cheap, where only one room is his. Are you sure you’ve calculated all the bills correctly they do seem very low?

I actually think he’s taking the piss TBH and is borderline cocklodging. He’ll be saving a tonne of money while you ensure he has a safe warm roof over his head. I would tell him you need £450 at least to be honest. That’s still a good deal all inclusive. Ignore people saying he shouldn’t have to pay over his share of the bills. Of course he should. No landlord I know of lets people live rent free. If he won’t, and he doesn’t want to buy together, I think he needs to get put out.

Sorry bills are around 415 in the winter - my miscalculation. He pays 330 a month with a bill I'd forgotten about. I do agree that it feels like he should pay a little more for upkeep.

He also doesn't really do any work on the house as in maintenance, like taking care of the garden/yard or painting etc. Says he doesn't have time with having DS and his hobbies etc. But keeping the house nice is important to me, so it falls to me to arrange workmen to do it and I pay them.

With that update OP I feel even more strongly that he’s taking the piss.

He’s treating the place like he is a tenant with no responsibility for its upkeep but he is not paying anywhere like a fair rent.

Where I live you can’t rent a one bedroom studio flat for less than £600 a month and then there would be bills on top.

Look around your local area at rentals and house shares and see what the going rates are. Then I would come up with a figure that seems fairer. With him, all your bills will have gone up and the wear and tear on all the fixtures and fittings in your house. All of these things need to be considered.

Honestly I think £450 would still be a very good deal and if he says no I would honestly put him out.

You made his life very very easy. He has very few responsibilities. Gets to live in a comfy house and no doubt you do the housework and cooking and cleaning. Has plenty of disposable income for his hobbies. You’re more like a parent than a life partner. He has zero incentive to change arrangements.

Tell him you want more or ask him to move out because it isn’t working for you anymore. He’ll either step up with more money or buying a place together or he’ll go off to find some other mug.

Sorry OP

It's your property, so repairs the repairs should be down to you.

He has no equity in it, so why should he contribute and raise the value of it?

If you split, he will get nothing.

You are in a much better position than him, as it stands.

You can't have it both ways.

He’s not keen on either option as they both involve him paying more money. He’s essentially freeloading in you now.
He has to step up and pay his share, or move out. If he isn’t prepared to do either he’s probably just with you for the very cheap rent and the sex. You’re worth more than that.

He is living there very very cheaply. This means he has the ability to save vast amounts of his income. Can you not see that this scenario is the OP providing HIM with cheap housing? For him AND HIS SON??

@OhDearMuriel the share a son. The entire onus of providing a home for the dc is falling on OPs shoulders.

I think in this case, as a shared child, they'd would be no issue making a payment that is csa like. To cover his child's costs.

But it's not rent or contributing towards mortgage as that runs the risks of a claim of equity if they split.

People pay rent in there thousands throughout the country and what they get from that is a roof over their head - they pay a dam sight more than 3-400 a moneth all in! The benefit goes to the landlord so your comment is really quite irrelevant!

I'm guessing you are struggling more as you have reduced your hours and taken a 20% pay cut. Why did you do that when you are unmarried and have a child and home to pay for?
Is he paying 50% of the cost of childcare?
He should be paying rent, half the bills and half the costs of your child. That may broadly equate to what he is paying already or he may need to step up.
You should be considering working full time and protecting your pension, and your ability to cover your costs should he walk out the door.
Between you, you then need to sit down and have a bit of a confab about expectations. Are you planning marriage? Cohabitation ? A second child? Your choices in this regard suggest you should ensure you protect your investment in your existing home and if you don't want to charge him rent, how quickly is he going to be able to build a deposit that matches your equity so if you do get married and split up the risk is more equal.

Apologies I've not had time to read all the replies but I'm actually quite shocked at some of the responses here. You have a child together and if you were not together he would have to contribute to the housing of your child so people saying he should 'only' pay half the bills is bizarre to me. I agree that the maintenance and repairs should be your concern but I think him paying all the bills (given your child is benefiting from those things) is more than fair for him. In fact i think he's getting a good deal. If he is concerned about his own financial security then I assume he is saving him to contribute half of a deposit on another house?

He doesn't sound committed at all. He sounds as though he has an easy financial life of it with plenty of time to pursue hobbies and none of the hassle and obligation of paying and maintaining a home. Charge him proper rent and use the cash to maintain your home, reduce your mortgage or put into savings which you can fall back on.

OP, you are an absolute mug and doesn't he know it.

He pays next to nothing for a property, that houses his child.
Has his hobbies, no responsibility for anything.
Leave the dirty business of adulthood to the desperate woman who does it all for the glory of having his presence.

You must be absolutely beyond desperate.
Why on earth would he want to change anything when he has a foolish desperate woman keeping him, with absolutely minimum contribution from him.

He can up and leave whenever he wants.

I am sorry to be harsh but you need to ask you why in gods name you would accept so little for you and your child.

You deserve better.

Mmmm I would be questioning why he needs to think about joining your mortgage, he didn't sound very committed. Unless he has debt you don't know about that blhe needs to pay off? Those things come out the woodwork when getting a mortgage as can effect your eligibility

This..............................
In 99% of cases, equity is a positive factor. If he pays rent, will you compensate him for the increase in equity due to inflation and property improvements?

Perhaps getting married would resolve all these issues.