What is fair for DP to contribute towards home I own?

[Namechange98457]

I own my own home, partner moved in 4 years ago before we had our DS. I pay the mortgage, he pays all bills. Food/things for DS is split equally. We don't pool wages every month, but we do have a shared bank account.

When it comes to repairs or improvements to the house, what is fair for him to contribute? As if it puts value on the house, he won't get any return from that and I will, but he is living there and it is our home, which I don't want to go to ruin and it does need money spending on it to make it nice and liveable for our DS.

At the moment, I am paying for all the big things like a new boiler, masonry paint, guttering fixed etc. These are very expensive and it's a struggle to do this on my own.

Is it fair that I pay, or do I ask for something towards it, as he lives there?

Or do I ask him to come onto the mortgage with me and we split everything down the middle.

You say you would not have made a claim, and I believe you.

But you could have made that claim? That's the issue. People who break up may do things differently to how you would expect. You could show you paid towards the mortgage and present evidence there was sone common intention to own the house together (but you were not on mortgage /deeds due to x reason)

Legally you could have claimed. That's the risk your partner took.

He's paying more in bills than he would for rent.
OP says bills are only £400 a month but council tax alone would be at least £100 a month, fuel would be up to £200, then there's internet, TV etc.
My monthly bills before food and rent are £600!

For reference, my husband gives me £450
towards bills - which covers the council tax, leccy and gas, water and internet.

I pay the mortgage as it’s my house - which is £550.

We split food shopping. He does it week a and I do it week b.

I also pay for the cats: food, insurance and vet plans.

He pays for his son’s monthly university living payment.

So that all comes out in the wash.

He pays for holidays because earns almost twice what I do.

Jesus Christ. The people who say he should only pay £150 😜

He has the deal of the century right now.

Turn him into a paying lodger, OP.

I saw this happen to a mum who was left homeless when ex partner split as he'd done mortgage and she'd done the bills. It seemed awful for her, and I think awful for him. He should either be saving anough for a deposit, even for a buy to rent or having a part of what he's living in. He shouldn't spend anything like what you do towards the home if he had no realistic path to ownership.

well if he’s not contributing then yes he needs to pay a proper rent. He’s got a roof over his head. If he was paying proper rent the figure factors in those things. Op don’t listen to these people, just because you own the home doesn’t mean he gets a free ride!

There's a 23yr old lad on the BBC tonight saying he can't afford to move out of home because his apprenticeship only gives him £1500 per month.

If he shacked up with the OP, most posters seem to think he could bung her £150 per month and live with her, then have £1350 to spend on himself.

The reason why the BBC are suggesting it's unaffordable is because they expect grown men (even 23yr old apprentices) to pay rent and bills when they move out of their parents house, because that's normal. You don't just find a woman and cocklodge 🙄

At £300 for a house, a bed, sex, cooking, cleaning and everything else, he's already winning on this deal. He'd pay more in CMS alone - and would have to house himself.

But we are just pointing out the risks of charging a partner "rent".

If you want to take the risk, then go ahead. Lots of us don't want to run the risk.

(And I have studied trust law and assumptions on co-ownership for unmarried people, it's not a made up theoretical risk)

I’d work out how much his rent would be (if he rented a property) and I’d ask for half, along with half of all bills.

I wouldn’t ask for money for home improvements such as a new boiler as if he were renting the landlord would cover this but decorating, yes, I’d ask for a contribution.

She can get something legally written up

I think he should pay rent and you split the bills 50:50, including nursery & other child costs, and any optional changes to the house such as decorating, furniture etc. You pay maintenance and repairs to the property. It is your house.

Bit odd to call the OP a prostitute.

You have essentially made yourself an informal landlady. You have a son together, and live together. If you are not remortgaging under both names (perhaps with a legal agreement to protect your share of equity generated already), then you need to draw up a formal renters contract. Which means he should pay half bills, half mortgage as rent, but all house repairs are on you.
You can’t have it both ways (ie unofficially living with you and paying your mortgage which you get equity from but him getting no benefit or protection).
So either make it fair for him and give him protection as a renter would have, or get married and sell the house and get a new one together with a legal agreement protecting your larger deposit from him in case of split.

Half the bills. You benefit from equity he does not.

Bit odd to have a fully grown male living there at pocket money prices.

If I wanted a pet, I'd get a dog, not a human.

Get proper legal advice - if he is paying bills he can have a claim on the property in the event of a split, particularly if those costs are home improvements or maintenance. It sounds like you have a good relationship so why not go together for legal advice and just have a full discussion about the best way forward.

Forget that you have a mortgage, treat it as though you both rent the house. And pay half of the rent each. From this rent you do house repairs.

And then you sort out all the other living expenses some way that you think is fair,

Regardless, this man is not kind and not fair, sounds as though what's your is his and what's his is his own. He's paying the minimum he can and does not seem to have any generosity. Does he pay for holidays, treats etc?

Why? They don't rent the house. OP's 'rent' pays towards her asset. The partner's 'rent' is just money in OP's pocket to reduce the costs to her in maintaining her asset. Why is that fair? Also as many people have pointed out this leaves her vulnerable to him claiming a share in her property if they split.

Essentially you are his landlord
You are legally 2 single people
He has no claim to your property
You should be responsible for all property maintenance & costs eg new boiler, decoration

You should split all child related costs 50 50

Suggest read this

Also read about the differences between single & married

https://www.gov.uk/rent-room-in-your-home

You need to make a non emotional decision

You protect your asset, property 100%

Or

You marry split everything 50 50

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/

He’s not living rent free really if he’s paying 100% of the bills.

Charge him rent (which you can use for repairs) and split the bills 50/50.