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Original poster

What is fair for DP to contribute towards home I own?

193 replies

Namechange98457 · 24/10/2024 16:05

I own my own home, partner moved in 4 years ago before we had our DS. I pay the mortgage, he pays all bills. Food/things for DS is split equally. We don't pool wages every month, but we do have a shared bank account.

When it comes to repairs or improvements to the house, what is fair for him to contribute? As if it puts value on the house, he won't get any return from that and I will, but he is living there and it is our home, which I don't want to go to ruin and it does need money spending on it to make it nice and liveable for our DS.

At the moment, I am paying for all the big things like a new boiler, masonry paint, guttering fixed etc. These are very expensive and it's a struggle to do this on my own.

Is it fair that I pay, or do I ask for something towards it, as he lives there?

Or do I ask him to come onto the mortgage with me and we split everything down the middle.

OP posts:
rwalker · 27/10/2024 07:13

Gonk123 · 27/10/2024 07:09

He should give you £500 a month, it’s irrelevant what it pays for. Suggestions of £150 are crazy! Where else can you live all in for £500.
do not give your asset away!

Yes and where else can you get a stake in a house go paying a minimal contribution

50% of relationships fail is it worth risking the security of sole ownership for a few hundred pounds

so what it they live rent free it cost OP NOTHING

Simonjt · 27/10/2024 07:16

We were in this situation for a bit, I had him pay 50% of bills but excluded things like buildings insurance. Like you, if we had broken up at any point he would have been instantly homeless as he had no legal right at all to enter the property. As you pay the mortgage and no bills, you’re essentially just paying into a savings scheme, so essentially just putting your money in another account, where as he will never see his again. Really you should be paying the mortgage and then around 50% of everything else if your earnings are similar.

WomanFromTheNorth · 27/10/2024 07:27

The only fair way to do this is to put the house in joint names but ringfence your percentage share of the equity so far via a solicitor. So if you split up, you get back your original equity but you split the rest equally.

So you would then split everything equally: mortgage, bills, childcare etc

At the moment it's shit for your partner.

rickyrickygrimes · 27/10/2024 07:45

Are you a family or not? Are you and your partner a proper, committed partnership or not? You already have a child together, you’ve cohabited for 4 years. You (and many of the replies) are writing like he’s already got one foot out of the door and you already need to protect yourself.

what does your partner want? What are your plans for the future? Are you both committed to this relationship?

if so, show it. Share the mortgage, share the property, share the costs, share the risks, share the life.

Gonk123 · 27/10/2024 09:15

If he doesn’t own his own home then that’s his problem. You dont just have it fall in your lap. Those saying share it haven’t had the experience of someone taking a huge sum from you having not contributed to an asset. You can’t ring fence your assets if you marry.
if the house needs the work doing then you just have to go a bit slower but at £300 he is getting an easy ride there…

downwindofyou · 27/10/2024 11:18

rickyrickygrimes · 27/10/2024 07:45

Are you a family or not? Are you and your partner a proper, committed partnership or not? You already have a child together, you’ve cohabited for 4 years. You (and many of the replies) are writing like he’s already got one foot out of the door and you already need to protect yourself.

what does your partner want? What are your plans for the future? Are you both committed to this relationship?

if so, show it. Share the mortgage, share the property, share the costs, share the risks, share the life.

No one thinks their relationship is going to go tits up. But they do. A lot.
Being financially naive doesn't save a relationship but it does cause enormous difficulty when relationships fail and one person ends up with half of everything the other person paid for.
Being savvy is not bad for a relationship. It's just sensible.

downwindofyou · 27/10/2024 11:20

WomanFromTheNorth · 27/10/2024 07:27

The only fair way to do this is to put the house in joint names but ringfence your percentage share of the equity so far via a solicitor. So if you split up, you get back your original equity but you split the rest equally.

So you would then split everything equally: mortgage, bills, childcare etc

At the moment it's shit for your partner.

Why is it shit for the partner. The partner is paying about a hundred a month over what he would for bills if he lived in his own. Other than that he's paying nothing so he can squirrel his money away. How is that shit. Who gets to live in a house for a hundred a month?

downwindofyou · 27/10/2024 11:22

Simonjt · 27/10/2024 07:16

We were in this situation for a bit, I had him pay 50% of bills but excluded things like buildings insurance. Like you, if we had broken up at any point he would have been instantly homeless as he had no legal right at all to enter the property. As you pay the mortgage and no bills, you’re essentially just paying into a savings scheme, so essentially just putting your money in another account, where as he will never see his again. Really you should be paying the mortgage and then around 50% of everything else if your earnings are similar.

He is only spending about 100 a month more for bills than he would be living on his own. That's it. He gets to live in a house for 100 a month. Where is the rest of his money? He can squirrel it away. Buy a buy to rent. Invest it.
He's laughing.

TiredMummma · 29/10/2024 08:06

Do you earn the same?

It is not fair to 'split everything down the middle' if you do, but he should certainly be contributing. Depending on the difference in salary, you have a couple of options:

  • you keep the arrangement and work out a fair contribution to house improvements
  • you keep the arrangement and treat him like a lodger and pay for everything (odd agreement!)
  • you put him on the mortgage next time it is up (seems sensible)
  • salaries go into the joint account. Bill, kid & household payments come out of that, you each take an allowance out of the joint account for the month for personal spend. He has the risk of not owning the property but you have a legal agreeement for if you die (sorry to be morbid!)
Candystore22 · 29/10/2024 08:19

I’m always a bit surprised at the “I pay x, he pays y” constructions in couples living together. Especially when the couple share kids. Share kids = share life = share bills (and share mortgage but also mortgage).
BUT in this case it’s about a house in your sole ownership. A house that he will have no financial gain from if it’s sold. He is in the same legal boat as a tenant, not as a joint owner of the house. You can sell the house without his permission (making him homeless). You can do what you want with the house without his permission. So you are responsible for the cost of the upkeep. Not him. You could however ask him rent (like you would a tenant) and you could use that money towards the upkeep of the house. Or you could decide to make him a co-owner and then together save money towards the bills for the upkeep. In current set up you are solely responsible for the cost of the upkeep. If you can’t afford that you need to look at the same solutions that you would if you were single (you would sell or get a paying tenant) only now you have an extra solution of having him buy into the home /sharing the mortgage. You could also sell up and buy a new house TOGETHER.

If you see the two of you growing old together ( I hope you do, seeing as you share kids) then you should think about how you can be equals in the house without feeling like you are just gifting him half a house.

Reallyneedsaholiday · 29/10/2024 08:27

Who cares what WE think? What matters is what YOU (plural) think! If you're not happy with the financial split, then talk to him about it.

Vermeers · 29/10/2024 08:37

OP, he has a great deal living in your house.
Protect this asset and ring fence any monies.
If you marry he could well be entitled to half of this.
Women are very poor about looking after their assets, whilst men have zero difficulty doing it.
You have reduced your hours for your child?
Who pays childcare?
He is getting a lot for 300 a month.

Why isn't he paying a small bit of rent so you can use it towards wear and tear.
Please don't be foolish.
Protect your asset in case things don't work out.
Does he have more income left over at the end of the month?
He has been living rent free for 4 years.
Whilst you provide a home for you all.

CosyLemur · 29/10/2024 09:07

I wouldn't be contributing if I was him, and bills would be ½'d as well. Unless you're getting married and adding him to the mortgage you can't expect him to finance your home improvements when in actual fact he should be saving a rainy day find for if you ever spilt and he needs to buy somewhere of his own.

Swiftie1878 · 29/10/2024 09:36

Do a rejig.
Decide how much he should be paying to rent his ‘home’ in your house. Then instead of him paying all bills, you spit them 50:50.

You need to pay all other house costs from the money he gives you for rent.

VivianLea · 29/10/2024 09:49

I think you should pay everything in terms up upkeep since it's your asset. I think he should pay 250 a month (his half of the bills plus a nominal 100 in rent). You should pay 550 (the mortgage, plus your half of the bills, minus the rent you get from him).

Thunderlegs · 29/10/2024 10:56

People who think the boyfriend should pay fewer bills are missing the point that he is not paying rent. OP could be charging him market rent and then 50/50 on bills. I think he has a good deal and putting him on the mortgage risks the OP's investment unless she ringfences what she has contributed so far.

TheSilkWorm · 29/10/2024 11:28

Thunderlegs · 29/10/2024 10:56

People who think the boyfriend should pay fewer bills are missing the point that he is not paying rent. OP could be charging him market rent and then 50/50 on bills. I think he has a good deal and putting him on the mortgage risks the OP's investment unless she ringfences what she has contributed so far.

Nobody is missing that point. She could do that but a) it would be profiteering from her partner and b) might give him a legal standpoint to claim an interest in her property.

NewMrsF · 29/10/2024 12:08

I’m not on the mortgage for our house.
my husband pays the mortgage and then we both pay a fair share of everything else according to our wage so It’s a 40/60 split ( after the mortgage).
I do contribute to upkeep of the house though, like decorating of paying towards things being fixed.

burnoutbabe · 29/10/2024 12:10

Indeed

It's her call.

Charge him rent and risk a legal claim towards the property

Or don't charge rent and no risk,

Hence a lot of us do the first one to avoid legal problems.

burnoutbabe · 29/10/2024 12:11

NewMrsF · 29/10/2024 12:08

I’m not on the mortgage for our house.
my husband pays the mortgage and then we both pay a fair share of everything else according to our wage so It’s a 40/60 split ( after the mortgage).
I do contribute to upkeep of the house though, like decorating of paying towards things being fixed.

Edited

But you are married.

Ownership of the home when married is treated very differently (ie by divorce laws or dependents law in death)

NewMrsF · 29/10/2024 12:18

burnoutbabe · 29/10/2024 12:11

But you are married.

Ownership of the home when married is treated very differently (ie by divorce laws or dependents law in death)

Show quote history

We weren’t married when we bought it.

burnoutbabe · 29/10/2024 12:21

But that's his risk to take when he bought it.

You could have split up pre marriage and then claimed a share of equity as paying towards it?

TheSilkWorm · 29/10/2024 12:22

NewMrsF · 29/10/2024 12:18

We weren’t married when we bought it.

Show quote history

That's irrelevant, it's now a shared asset. He may be able to ring fence the deposit and capital that he paid up to the point you were married but from that point on it became a marital asset

NewMrsF · 29/10/2024 12:28

burnoutbabe · 29/10/2024 12:21

But that's his risk to take when he bought it.

You could have split up pre marriage and then claimed a share of equity as paying towards it?

I wouldn’t have, it’s why I chose not to go on the mortgage so if things did break down I could just cut and run.

for us we worked out what combined bills for everything came to and then split it 40/60 and I paid for the things that equalled the 40 (like the council tax and nursery fees), he paid for what came to the 60%.
we don’t want our life to feel like a financial transaction so that’s what works for us.

NewMrsF · 29/10/2024 12:30

It is relevant though, I’m explaining what we did before we were married. Not sure why that’s hard for you to understand

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