What is fair for DP to contribute towards home I own?

[Namechange98457]

I own my own home, partner moved in 4 years ago before we had our DS. I pay the mortgage, he pays all bills. Food/things for DS is split equally. We don't pool wages every month, but we do have a shared bank account.

When it comes to repairs or improvements to the house, what is fair for him to contribute? As if it puts value on the house, he won't get any return from that and I will, but he is living there and it is our home, which I don't want to go to ruin and it does need money spending on it to make it nice and liveable for our DS.

At the moment, I am paying for all the big things like a new boiler, masonry paint, guttering fixed etc. These are very expensive and it's a struggle to do this on my own.

Is it fair that I pay, or do I ask for something towards it, as he lives there?

Or do I ask him to come onto the mortgage with me and we split everything down the middle.

Thanks, that sounds like an option for us. Although a lot of people seem to think it would risk me losing my house. I guess that is a risk if we move into somewhere else together as well and then break up. Did she do that through a solicitor?

He should pay half the bills but not the mortgage. I imagine that would be about £6-800 a month. Based on ours council tax 250 electric and gas £250 food £800 water ins etc £100 petrol car running £150 £1550 halved about £725. My partner pays me £1500 a month for his share of bills. Our mortgage is £1400 a month

Likely unpopular opinion, but I’d have said you pay for the mortgage, upkeep of the house and half of bills. Your dp has absolutely no financial security in this situation and if he was a woman, many people on here would be telling him to get married asap to protect himself.

No he shouldn't pay towards upkeep, yes theoretically he'd have to pay rent elsewhere, but he wouldn't be paying 100% of the bills and it wouldn't be the case that the other one of you stood to benefit more than the other.

Him paying only 300 a month is such a low amount. Also if he does or pays for any repairs and he can prove it, then he can make a claim on your house! Beware ⚠️

I don’t think it’s fair that he’s covering 100% of the bills.

I do get this, but me paying 650 - and also taking care of all arranging of repairs and him paying 150 seems a little too low and also without much effort on his behalf. And this isn't me wanting to profit from him.

Yes he doesn't stand to benefit if I sold, but he is living in a well kept decent home, which also provides a home for his son.

I think I maybe feel as though I am responsible for a lot of our day-to-day and keeping a (non-leaking) roof over our head and this isn't just financial, this is also part of the mental load. To resolve this, I think we just need to move and buy somewhere together.

To resolve this, I think we just need to move and buy somewhere together.

Pretty much!

where do you live that your bills are only £300 a month? 🤔

If the cost of bills is genuinely £300 (excluding food I assume - shared 50/50?) then £150 is cheap but then your household costs are cheap. Half of cheap is still cheap. It's not about whether he's paying a little or a lot, it's about what's fair in proportion to the expenses of your home.

I think a nominal rent amount and half the bills/ food/ D's related costs is fair. I wouldn't expect any contributions towards home improvements if you're not going to put him on the mortgage ( but I also wouldn't put him on the mortgage unless you're getting married).

It’s your home - your mortgage - your responsibility.

I don’t think he should live for free but he could argue against paying the full amount for the gas/electric/water/council tax etc on a house he doesn’t own.

I can't get over how cheap your bills are! £300?!? I don't get it. Council tax £200, energy £150, insurance £20, tv licence £20, broadband/sky £30, water £30. That's £450 for absolute basics.

You have both got a good deal atm, but yours is the better. You don't have to pay any bills that everyone else has to pay, and you'll have a house at the end. He isn't paying rent, but is paying double his share of bills, but won't have anything to show for it.

Are you both putting shit tonnes in to savings?

None of the answers so far have spoken about the childcare of your joint child - has any of you sacrificed any salary there?

You should be paying half each of the bills. The money he is saving, he should ideally be saving for a large deposit for when you buy a house together in the future.

The issue isn’t about the amount or what he’s be paying elsewhere it’s that if you ask for more than half the bills eg £150 you are risking him arguing if you split that he does have a legal stake in the house because he’s in effect contributed to mortgage or repairs. You might not mind giving up a share but you are opening that door.

This is a really good point.

Your joint living cost atm are £800.

He is putting in £300 and you £500.

He is buying all the disposable stuff and you all the assets.

It really shouldn't matter how the money is channeled.

I expect if you split up (sorry), a good lawyer on his side could argue that he put 3/8 in to your joint living costs and thus has a claim on 3/8 of the equity accrued whilst he did so.

Sorry bills are 330 in summer, and I've just recalculated 370 in the winter. So he's only putting in 300 still.

I have taken reduced hours at work so 20% off my salary. We are quite even on salary at the moment.

My MIL has a mortgage and her new partner has moved in with her. She pays her mortgage by herself as it's her asset she's been paying for 20 years already and she doesn't want him being anything to do with it as she plans to leave it in her will for my DH (her only son). Her and her partner split the house bills and food shopping 50/50. She pays for any renovations herself as it's her home and asset.

My DH owns his house outright, Im absolutely nothing to do with it as I've chose to save my money as id like to buy my own property to rent out in the future and I'll sell it when I retire for my retirement. I do not want anything to do with DH house. We live here as a family and its our family home but he owns it solely and rightfully so, I didn't put anything into the house and if we ever divorce I don't want any of it either. I will not pay for any renovations but I do pay for things like a new dining table if I wanted one. For example he wanted to patio the whole garden and paid for it out of his own money as it's adding value to the house and I'll never see a penny of it. We split the bills and food shop 50/50..I'm not paying my husband rent to live in our family home and I'm certainly not paying all of the bills or paying to feed him he's a grown man. 1 room in the house I use as a home salon so I paid to renovate the room myself eg new flooring and have it decorated but It's my work place so I wouldn't ask him to pay for it.

I don't think you should be asking him for anything that adds value to your home, nor do I think he should pay you 'rent' or pay 100% of the bills. However, if he's happy to pay all of the bills then that works for you..if my DH asked me to give him money for renovations id laugh in his face infact I don't even think he'd ask😅. I wouldn't care about buying a tin of pain or some nice new furniture or decor to make the home nice for my child but a new kitchen fitted or bathroom or an extension - there's no way in hell :)

Btw , we are mid 20s I've got plenty of time to purchase my own home and I'm happy with our set up

Oh and I do mostly get my partner to deal with the tradesmen but I pay it all.

In that case op, if you are inclined to look out for your best interests, I would ask that he pays more of the nursery fees, as you cover 20%/1 day alone, but I would up your contributions to bills to 50/50 if you don't want him to have any claim on your house.

This is what we do, although we have no kids together (I have two with exh).

I pay all the mortgage and repairs/maintenance and things like sheds that stay with the house.

we split the bills 50/50 but he buys (and cooks) all the food.

i earn more than him but he has more disposable income than me, mostly because I’m paying off a loft conversion that went over budget a year or so ago. It’s annoying sometimes but it also added significant value to my asset which isn’t his asset so can’t really complain.

I would be expecting a fair contribution. I would expect we BOTH benefitted from living together.
So if I was providing the house, I would expect him to provide for the bills.
He is benefitting from no rent/mortgage payments. OP would be benefitting from no bills. Seems fair.

If the OP paid for mortgage and improvements and her half the bills then she's not benefitting at all whereas he would be benefitting enormously from free accommodation and upkeep. He'd be paying his bills regardless even if he was renting or had a mortgage elsewhere.

So he gets free accommodation and she gets what exactly?
Nope
BOTH should benefit.
He gets free accommodation.
She gets free from bills.

Improvements are a separate thing. If improvements are replacing wear and tear then he maybe should contribute as he is part of the wear and tear. If it's something that adds value but isn't related to wear and tear then she should as ultimately it's adding to her asset

That way both benefit financially from the arrangement

@TheSilkWorm

It's fair because the asset belongs to her. Plus he pays 100% of the bills, which I don't think is fair to him!
How is it not fair to him?!!!!
They BOTH should benefit from the arrangement

He gets free housing. She's not charging him rent.
She gets her bills covered.

He is actually £200 better off out of the deal.

If he wasn't living there he would have to cover his rent elsewhere. He would still be paying his bills too. So he is contributing only half the bills to the equation. She is contributing the use of the whole house. The privilege of a home has value

£300 for bills is very little - what about food etc ?

When my husband lived with me before marriage he paid £500 as ‘rent’ until we married and bought a house as tenants in common (with my equity protected). In the first house he didn’t pay for any maintenance costs but the rent money I used as I saw fit as I paid all utilities , we split the food costs.