How sure are you that your partner/husband wouldn’t cheat?

[Gerithegiraffe]

I have cheated in the past (on an abusive ex) but can hand on heart say I couldn’t cheat even if I tried on my husband. I spoke to him about it and basically said it would be so pointless anyway because I get everything I need from him (side note: not that not getting what you ‘need’ is any excuse for cheating, there’s NEVER an excuse for cheating)

i am prepared to be told I’m naive but I genuinely trust him a billion percent, and him me, and honestly feel like cheating is the absolute last thing he’d or I would ever do. I can’t really explain it but it’s a lovely feeling. I feel genuinely really sad on here sometimes when I see the amount of people posting about cheating partners and it just got me thinking how sure would you be that your partner or husband wouldn’t cheat?

Absolutely not. I am thrilled for anyone and everyone who has a happy, loving and fulfilling lasting forever marriage.

I have a very happy life even though I'm divorced. My issue is with the patronising and sarcastic comments.

The amount of cheating men on MN, I think you’d have to be very naive to believe 100% sadly. Anything can happen in life.

I trust him more than I trust me based on experiences.

I was 100% sure my husband wouldn't cheat until he did.

I would have sworn on our child's life that he wouldn't have sex with another woman right up until the moment of confession, when I already knew something was going on

I trusted 100%...
he cheated with 'Mrs Gray, the good mother & Christian'

I’m pretty much 100% sure. He rarely leaves the house or speaks to other people. We both work from home.

Absolutely impossible to know for certain.

people get into relationships and get married on the basis that both partners will be faithful. Infidelity is common, and there are many reasons why it might happen.

if I truly loved someone and they cheated on me, a silly mistake that they regretted I would absolutely not end the relationship over one mistake. If it was a reoccurring thing then that’s very different.

Interesting topic.

In our marriage I'd say I would be more likely to cheat. I haven't but if the opportunity arose I'd consider it for a variety of reasons. I know that makes me mumsnet scum but there you go. Interestingly I was out with work colleagues at the weekend and a lot of alcohol was consumed.

My manager - who sounds exactly like the sort of spouse described on here who would never ever cheat, who spends all his time talking about his wife and kids and seems extremely devoted to them, lovely, kind, moral, upstanding, responsible family man - tried it on with me. I gently redirected his attention as he was incredibly drunk. If I hadn't, things would have happened.

I didnt think i was naive but i'm genuinely shocked. He is the most non threatening "nice guy" you could ever imagine.

If I look back through my memories and life experience I just simply wouldn't trust a man not to cheat.

The simple math of the world seems to be missed in most of these conversations. Men cheat with women. Women cheat with Men. There are almost the same number of men and women in the world. So, the likelihood of a man cheating, is bound to be extremely similar to the likelihood of a woman cheating.

Absolutely. Sometimes Mn’s maths on this is very fuzzy. Or some posters cherish the illusion that there are a small number of Total Slags bustling around being responsible for all male infidelities.

My ex husband, 100% sure he wouldn’t.

My current parter, 80% sure.

Similar for me.

I'm reasonably confident because we've talked about monogamy, polyamory etc etc quite a lot. Not in a "shall we do this" sense but more generally (and we have several poly friends). He knows physical fidelity isn't a dealbreaker for me but dishonesty is. Monogamy is more important to him than it is to me. I'm not naturally poly by any means (too much work, where is the me time in it all???) so very happy with monogamy too.

If he wanted to have sex with anyone else the easiest way for him to do so would be to talk to me first, so I assume he would do that rather than go behind my back.

100% trust doesn't exist but trust is a choice, not an exam question. It's not about being right. But you have to act as though you trust your partner otherwise what's even the point of being in a relationship? Policing them, imposing boundaries on them and invading their privacy is an awful way to live - for you as well as them.

I have no idea. And unless their partner is incapable or has literally no opportunity to meet anyone to cheat with, nor does anyone else. And even then they could have a remote emotional affair. Because like it or not, the inside of a person's mind is completely private and you can never know how they really feel and what they would do. Only ever what they choose to tell you, and even if they're honest, things change. The best anyone can ever say is I'm pretty certain from the way he behaves he isn't cheating now. And surely that's good enough?

My wife is the loveliest, most loyal person I've ever met. She's also a crap liar, needs me to organise her life for her, and is pretty much always either with me and our daughter or at work... in a primary school. So even if she wanted to cheat on me, I'm pretty sure the practicalities would get in the way!

The simple explanation for any discrepancy seems to be lost in these conversations too, despite it being pointed out every time. A married person can cheat with a single person so there is no need at all for an equal number of cheating spouses to come from each sex. Most research suggests men cheat in greater numbers than women which is entirely possible if some of them are cheating with single women.

I’d never be 100% sure and certainly never sure enough to bet my children’s financial security on it. I adore my husband and I’m fairly sure he feels the same about me and I’m as sure as I can be he wouldn’t cheat, but I’m not stupid enough to think this is 100%. He’s never so far given me a reason to suspect him and I live my life on the basis we are happy and secure and it’s not something that worries me. If I ever found out he’s cheated we will cross that bridge when we come to it, but the relationship will very likely be over.

IME it’s usually the ones that:

• are so disorganised or lacking in time they couldn’t logistically cheat
• had a bad family experience and wouldn’t put their own family through it
• are “terrible liars” and wouldn’t be able to lie about it
• are the moral beacon of integrity in the community
• are very vocally anti cheating and won’t associate with people who have cheated because they feel so strongly about it

that are the worst offenders in the cheating stakes, so much so that when I was dating a man displaying any of the above was giving me massive red flags for cheating. I think it’s much “safer” to be with someone who recognises humans are fallible and works to ensure they’re not in situations where they might be tempted.

Well, not to discombobulate you, but a very nice married teacher at DS’s old primary school had an affair with the equally nice, married childminder who did wraparound care for his Reception-age son, who attended the same school he taught at (our DS attended the same school and childminder). Both marriages ended, she stopped childminding, he’s still teaching, and they’ve moved to a neighbouring village. I would have said the same thing — that neither life had a spare ten minutes for an affair.

are “terrible liars” and wouldn’t be able to lie about it

Yeah "terrible liars" are not always terrible liars. I'm a "terrible liar" when it comes to little things like eating the last chocolate (and it's kind of a joke, and I don't really care if I'm found out). Acquaintances think I couldn't possibly keep a secret. I have absolutely lied about big-ticket things and found it very easy though. (Not cheating!)

I think that people who have had cheating spouses and partners might like to think that all men are capable of being disloyal and that all women should live with perpetual mistrust they now, or have always, endured.

Labeling those who are confident of their partners fidelity as naive may act as a kind of small victory or punishment for what will be called smug but is just people getting on with their lives with a person that they trust.

Yes, I'm sure of my husband's faithfulness.. Some people are just built that way.

I don’t know if I believe that people are meant to be in one monogamous relationship forever? I think the reason people cheat is to make themselves feel better. And that’s too hard to pass up throughout a lifetime.

that being said I don’t want to cheat or my dh to cheat. But I guess I expect it? Some point in his life he’s going to want to feel something he naturally can’t get with me. How can I prevent it? How can I be everything to him, after already 17 years?

I remember the early days. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. That was a thrill. Impossible to get that back now after all this time.

I know 100% that my DH would never ever cheat on me. His body is loyal to one woman and one woman only and it’s me. That’s just the way he’s built. I know he loves me more than I love him ( and boy do I bloody love him) and he’s just the loyalest man ever. He gives me a foot massage every single night , without me asking, and I haven’t put my own socks on in 22 years, all because I mentioned to him that my feet get cold and sore really easily when we first met. If we are having a lazy day at home he will make me coffee and tea, in the correct mugs exactly as I like it without being told/asked. He pre-empts all of my needs . I know I meet all of his needs too and even when I haven’t ( for whatever reason) he doesn’t have a wandering eye in any way, and he’s so blind to women flirting with him it’s hilarious.

In a room of 100 naked woman oiling each other up for an orgy , my DH would be the person to think that looked like a lot of work and they could end up dehydrated…. So he would pop the kettle on and at the very worst, have a giggle to himself about so many boobs and how none were as nice as mine.

i swear to god, there must be something wrong with him as I’m really not all that 😂🤷🏼‍♀️. We just go together like we are meant to be and we are deeply in love, even 23 years into it. Our kids say we make them sick.

Me too. Knocked me sideways and I was almost amused at how naive I'd been!

I would say knowing him as I do 100 percent never cheat
but he’s a bloke a human and people aren’t without there flaws

he did leave his first wife without cheating or having another women

we have been married happily 25 years so I can’t see it myself
we have a lovely life no money worries lots of freedom to do stuff but who knows

I trust my partner, although 2% of UK men are raising a child that is unknowingly not theirs, so I don't think anyone can be certain.