How sure are you that your partner/husband wouldn’t cheat?

[Gerithegiraffe]

I have cheated in the past (on an abusive ex) but can hand on heart say I couldn’t cheat even if I tried on my husband. I spoke to him about it and basically said it would be so pointless anyway because I get everything I need from him (side note: not that not getting what you ‘need’ is any excuse for cheating, there’s NEVER an excuse for cheating)

i am prepared to be told I’m naive but I genuinely trust him a billion percent, and him me, and honestly feel like cheating is the absolute last thing he’d or I would ever do. I can’t really explain it but it’s a lovely feeling. I feel genuinely really sad on here sometimes when I see the amount of people posting about cheating partners and it just got me thinking how sure would you be that your partner or husband wouldn’t cheat?

I was a thousand percent sure he never would. Til he did. Exh now.

Given the right set of circumstances everyone would likely cheat.

I would have bet my life he wouldn't cheat
He did, I was destroyed.
We are still together, it will never be the same.

No, my new partner insists he never would but every one says that until opportunity arises. I will never trust a person again.

I was 100% my STBXH would be faithful, thought so in all of our 24 years married, until our son got cancer and ‘H’ found solace in the bed of a work colleague. Felt starved of attention apparently.

DS is perfectly well now, and I am getting divorced.

No loss.

This. I've been married for 20 years, always been completely and utterly disgusted by cheating and felt nothing but revulsion at people who do cheat. 5 years ago, H and I went though a very rough patch brought on by external stressors- loss and grief, work stress, and numerous other things. We stopped communicating and started arguing. At that same time, a man came into my life through work who paid me a lot of attention at a time when I felt completely alone. I was very attracted to him. Nothing happened thank goodness and I caught myself before anything did happen but it scared me the fact that it "could" have despite my disgust at the idea of cheating. H and I are good now but our path could have taken a very different turn.

Its easy to say you trust someone 100% when everything is going smoothly but its the unexpected turns of life which can throw a curve ball into the mix and people can and do act out of character when burdened by unimaginable stress.

That is not an excuse by any means but all I am saying is- until you've been in a variety of very difficult situations you really dont know how you or your partner would react.

80% maybe.
I don't trust anyone completely.

You can never be totally sure. you can only fool yourself that you are.

You don't need to look further than mn for proof of that. How many threads start I never thought this would happen to me / I trusted him completely/ I thought he was one of the good ones / he always said how disgusting cheating was / I don't know him at all, etc

Mumsnet is a poor place for this sort of question. Considering the proportion of contributors experiencing bad relationships you'll get a biased result.

Try asking on a vegan group for recommendations on cooking steak, cauliflower steak or sirloin which is best.

A vegan group?

That's basically saying that a group where nobody is in a relationship is a better place to learn about people in relationships than a group where some people are in relationships is.

I would imagine that the percentage of people who totally trusted their partners then got betrayed is quite high because 1) affairs appear to be quite common and 2) I doubt there are many people who get into a relationship with someone they know from day one can't be trusted.

100%. He barely
Knew I was flirting with him for at least 6 months

The thing is there is nothing gained by not trusting your partner, a lack of trust can be the poison that tears apart a relationship as much as infidelity could. So I don't think its fair to say people are naive and my man cheated so don't get comfortable, yours might too. This thread is different because OP has literally asked that question but it's often a type of unrequested advice that women give other women. They say it like they are trying to warn or educate others but they are actually intentionally or unintentionally trying to sabotage a person's happiness.

Everyone is capable of cheating, absolutely everyone. My exH was incredibly introverted and quiet, great dad and devoted to the kids, my family and friends all thought devoted to me and would never cheat.

He did. Got involved with one of the mums from the kids sporting activities (said mum had already broken up one marriage at the club).

I will never trust anyone 100% and absolutely believe that all men would cheat if they thought they could get away with it.

I'm very sure mine wouldn't, and I can say this with confidence because I know my husband would be extremely unlikely to get into a situation where cheating was possible.
Cheating happens because 1, they are in an environment that allows it and 2, that they choose to do it.
I don't believe my husband would ever get to stage 1 and if he did he wouldn't do number 2

I see trust as an ongoing process, it’s not something that’s simply earned, it also needs to be maintained. As such, I can’t see any value in assigning a 100% trust label at an arbitrary moment in time.

The trust I have in DH is equal to the trust he’s earned, which fortunately is about as much as is possible. However, if he began behaving differently, then that trust could begin to erode.

I choose to believe that DH is and will remain so deep and mysterious that I will never be 100% sure of anything about him.

If he works with women it's very easily possible though.

I know my OH wouldn’t cheat because we have a solid relationship where we are very open and honest with each other. We also share locations via iPhone, know calendars, talk regularly etc. Both unable to keep any kind of secret!

I can’t imagine any scenario where she would cheat, just like I wouldn’t cheat on her. I can’t see why you’re being naive either OP as you’ve even spoken to your DH about it so yeah, no cheating anywhere please!

Sounds more like control than trust 🤔

I agree with you. I'm not necessarily talking about a full blown affair, but I do think the vast majority would go for a shag on the side if they really thought they wouldn't get caught.

You really can't say that with total confidence anymore than you could say you'll never get be ill or in a car accident. Firstly cheating doesn't always happen for a reason. That's a myth. Secondly, what do you mean by "situations where it was possible". Do you mean your DH is never, ever in the company of other women? Even if he never leaves the house there is such a thing as the internet and mobile phones. Also, what are these "environments that allow it"? What does that even mean? I don't know of any particular environment that actively encourages cheating. If you mean he never goes clubbing or to brothels, I think you've got a very naive and out dated view of the million and one ways men can hook up these days.

I don’t think it’s likely he would cheat, but I can’t rule it out as a possibility. It’s not something I worry about. We have a good marriage with a normal amount of stress.

I felt like this about my wife, who likewise appeared totally devoted to and in love with me. She had an affair and left me for OW.

Anything can happen.

I believe this
I can’t even say 100% that I wouldn’t cheat tbh.
The only thing I would say is that I would avoid situations which could put me in a position to cheat. For example,I wouldn’t go to lunch with a work colleague who I found attractive , particularly if I was going through a difficult time with my dh

I don't trust anyone 100%. Not even DH. I can envisage a set of circumstances where he might give into temptation to cheat. Because I can imagine the same for myself.

I have actually had the opportunity to cheat in the past and I didn't do it. But I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like and whether, if the opportunity arose again, would I go through with it?

I'm not so naive to think that the same thoughts don't cross DH's mind from time to time.

What I am sure of though is that DH respects me. And I respect him. I think it's much harder to cheat when you have respect for your partner.

I was 100% sure he wouldn’t, until he did. I know several people who have had the same experience. I don’t discuss this subject with my current partner. I trust him but am no longer naïve.