How sure are you that your partner/husband wouldn’t cheat?

[Gerithegiraffe]

I have cheated in the past (on an abusive ex) but can hand on heart say I couldn’t cheat even if I tried on my husband. I spoke to him about it and basically said it would be so pointless anyway because I get everything I need from him (side note: not that not getting what you ‘need’ is any excuse for cheating, there’s NEVER an excuse for cheating)

i am prepared to be told I’m naive but I genuinely trust him a billion percent, and him me, and honestly feel like cheating is the absolute last thing he’d or I would ever do. I can’t really explain it but it’s a lovely feeling. I feel genuinely really sad on here sometimes when I see the amount of people posting about cheating partners and it just got me thinking how sure would you be that your partner or husband wouldn’t cheat?

Anyone saying 100% is incredibly naive.

Really, really sure. Like 99 percent but I know that you can never be sure. It's just we have been together for 19 years now and married for 16. He helped me when I struggled a lot in my 20s, I helped him when he struggled. We've been through so much and although I know the length of the relationship would have no meaning to whether he'd cheat, to me it shows we have a strong relationship.

I just know he's a good person. And I trust him.

Low self esteem/inner void + low emotional intelligence/emotional expression + opportunity to feel seen/valued/wanted + alcohol makes anyone a potential cheat.

When I see the word smug my first thought is the person using it has life issues going on that they feel they don't want to hear anyone has things better than they do

Me too

He made himself ill hiding his cheating from me, to the extent he was on Tramadol daily, as he developed a neurological issue which affected his nerves. I gave up so much to look after him, and our children single-handed, when he was like a zombie from the drugs. I lived a life I hated because of it.

Amazingly, he's now all cured.

In his tiny brain, he's blaming me for his years of pain. And is to stupid to see it was his years of mental anguish hiding the secrets he knew would end our 20 yr marriage.

Until I found out he was cheating on me with multiple men and women through the years, I was 💯 sure he never would. Don't be as naive as I was.

We used to counsel couples having marriage difficulties. He used to hold me tight after some tricky discussions and tell me how grateful he was for me.

He was extremely vocal about his 2 close friends who left their wives, with both me and to them. Neither of those men cheated, just had enough of being married. He assured me he loved me so much he could never leave me, particularly as his dad had left his own mum and he needed counselling to work through that. He vowed he'd never do it to our children.

He used to be involved with couples separating in his line of work. He too used to see the financial fall out and reflect with me about how hard separation must be on the wallet.

High moral values, respected by many. He fell far in many people's eyes when the truth came out about his cheating. I've even lost one of my closest friends over HIS cheating, as she felt I'd been complicit in keeping his cheating a secret when I first found out, and not letting people immediately know what he was really like. How he'd been presenting a moral facade to everyone for years whilst he'd been cheating on me for over a decade.

You're wise to be in the extremely unlikely category, as you acknowledge he still could. I was in the 💯 wouldn't category, so you're doing better than I did!

I’m not dating at the moment and not sure I’ll ever want to again, but I’m so sure that most men will cheat given the opportunity that if I did decide I’d like a relationship, I would prefer it to be an open one.

I truly think we both love our lives with each other and are grateful for each other. We live a nice life, fancy each other and always have so much to say even with 3 kids under 4. So no, I don't think he would ever cheat on me

When I worked in retail, we were told that 20% of customers would shop lift whatever we did, 60% would shoplift if they had the opportunity and thought they would get away with it and 20% would never steal under any circumstances because they were honest.

We were told that that’s why our antitheft measures were targeted at that Middle 60% - to make it harder for them to steal and more likely they would get caught.

I suspect that proportion of married / partnered men who cheat are probably pretty much the same.

I suppose you can never be 100%, but I'd be very shocked if my partner ever cheated on me.

We're both very loyal people with very similar morals. We started dating at 19, so 25 years ago. We know each other very well, have grown up together really and have been through everything together. He's shown me that he's a very decent person, a good partner and involved dad. We're best friends as well as partners. We've always had a very easy relationship and no one else has got a look in.

He was disgusted years ago when someone in our circle cheated and their friendship never got back on track. He couldn't believe this man could do it to his wife and teen children.

So I'd be astounded if he cheated. I think if he did, it would actually traumatise me and I'd never trust anyone ever again. It would break our kids trust in anyone too.

95%. We love and respect each other but I know it does happen that decent people are maybe feeling stressed or unappreciated at home and that coincides with drinks at work and a keen colleague etc. I couldn't imagine he'd ever do more than a one-off drunken mistake that was a kiss at most.

Actually I am as close to 100% sure as you can be that DH wouldn’t cheat. He just isn’t that kind of person - strong moral compass, not likely to find himself in scenarios where it could happen, wouldn’t seek it out. Honest and fair to a fault. He’d leave first if he was at the point that he wanted to find someone else, I’m pretty sure of that.

I’m definitely not naive - I lived a childhood scarred by my own father’s cheating. My choices have been very driven by my experiences and my trust is hard won.

I am fairly sure, mainly because he is a lazy sod and just wouldn't be arsed to put the effort in. He is also absolutely useless with times/dates/plans so would certainly mess it up v. quickly and get found out. No perhaps the best reasons, I am sure he would tell me it was because he is 100% committed to this relationship- maybe he likes his life and his house too much to jepordise it.

My partner has high morals with this however i’m not niave enough to say that he could cheat, he is human and male. He would be devastated i think that tbh, my trust is high right now but never say never.

Lots say 100% no but then their husbands trade them in for a younger model 20/30 years later. People change.

Isn’t it around 50% of relationships have some sort of cheating.

I don’t think he would, but you can never be 100%, although he’a going on a boys weekend fairly soon and he’s paid for hold luggage so he can take four board games rather than two, so yeah thats a fairly strong indicator.

No one can be sure.

@Gerithegiraffe

How long have you been together?

Never say never, though my DP's ex wife had an affair that ended their marriage. My marriage ended because my ex cheated on me. Therefore, fidelity is a really big deal for both of us. My DP has great integrity - his whole family do and you can see it in how they treat and care for each other - and it would knock me for six if he cheated. It would be an immediate deal breaker for be and he's aware of that. I don't think he would abuse my trust, but he's a terrible liar so I'd find out quick enough 😂

I 100% trusted my husband.

• he had the same moral compass as me, loyal to a fault, perfect family man, kind empathic, he is just a lovely human being
• he was utterly disgusted by people who cheated
• we’d laugh about how neither of us would have the time for that, we were your classic smug married pair (ha bloody ha)
• he was my person, I was his, we were soul mates, he was my safe harbour
• he had zero previous for cheating, nothing in his history

He cheated. It ripped me apart. I had had him on some kind of pedastal. When dday happened I fell to absolute pieces. The lens I viewed my world was completely and utterly shattered. Imagine my complete shock on realising that all the things that I loved about him were exactly what his affair partner was looking for!

I stayed (for a myriad of reasons) and he is a lovely person, he really is, he has worked hard on himself, we are years on and he has not let me down but he’s also a human being. He’s fallible, can be selfish and entitled. He has poor coping strategies. I trust him but as much as I trust anyone with my safety. I trust myself FAR more.

I always read comments on these and think I would have written that 100%. I am guessing most betrayed partners feel the same. We didn’t choose to marry men we didn’t trust completely. that’s what is so utterly devastating about affairs.

I have been with my husband for 30 years. I know that he would cheat as he has.

He blamed me for being boring, too focused on work and our children.

Blamed me for not prioritising him over other things.

Started by fibbing to me having a chat and ended with him leaving for 4 years

We are trying to work through it but things have changed. He doesn't feel like the husband I had and I know that he'd do it again

I think anyone is capable of cheating given the right set of circumstances that led up to it. Not just men but women as well. I don’t think you shouldn’t trust your partner but I have certainly been shocked a good few times finding out someone has been cheating

No-one can be 100% sure, the most loyal person in the world could have a new colleague join tomorrow who they feel some unusual attraction to. You just don’t know. Life events, mid life crisis, all change people. I always used to say 99% my ex wouldn’t cheat on me (he never did, we broke up for other reasons), but there’s always that 1%. He didn’t drink alcohol either, as that is often to blame for those moment of madness one off incidents

My partner has a few exes floating around wanting more given the chance so how would I really know if he is secretly doing anything (we dont live together). I doubt it very much given his character and feelings for me, but all I know is if it ever happened and I found out, we would be done.

Nobody can be 100% sure their partner wouldn't cheat.

I was once convinced mine wouldn't ever cheat, he was honest as the day is long and had never been a "lady's man", had no idea how to flirt and I'd been his only partner.

One year he came back from a Christmas do after staying overnight - absolutely ashen faced. Told me he'd slept with someone when he was drunk and was devastated (as was I obviously).

After months of tears and discussions we decided to stay together (this was 25 years ago) and whilst I don't think he would ever have an affair it made me realise that anyone, in the right set of circumstances, is vulnerable to cheating.

Anyone given the right circumstances can cheat.