Dating guy whose "wife was shot dead"

[Beautifulbouquet]

For a month I've been casually seeing someone.

He is quite hard work in general.

This weekend he told me that his wife was shot and killed in Afghanistan where she was a marine.

Having looked this up...this seems impossible. A tiny number of British female soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and all deaths are documented on the government website and seem widely reported in the media.

It seems this is a very bizarre lie.

Or I'm losing my sanity.

Its the grim reaper. Not a cat.

I asked the same and still wondering...

Very odd.

and his response to being dumped was a 👍
and basically “see you around”

Surely that's what you'd expect? He's hardly going to go full psycho on messages unless he's stupid.

If he is a dangerous man then that calm response to me seems more dangerous but then I have seen a lot of true crime.

Thanks for those being kind.

I understand the frustration.

When I first posted i felt dazed. I didn't particularly feel unsafe but a lot of the messages on here telling me to go to police etc did make me start to feel that I should be a bit scared. He's never been remotely physically aggressive to me.

Its been a stressful few days and I haven't slept well. I'm also having a tough time at work. Funnily enough around assertiveness and boundaries.

This thread has been useful so thanks. I will inevitably see him again but I will be avoiding the village pub for a few weeks.

Inventing a boyfriend wouldn't work...he can see my house from his. Also how does me lying make me any better than him?

I was truthful as to why this was over and I wasn't nasty about it. And that was as much as I could do.

I have never been in this situation before and luckily it only lasted a few weeks before I got myself out.

No doubt others here would have handled it all better.

My friend kindly said "there's nothing wrong in wanting love or sex". I refused to ignore red flags to keep myself safe.

If he hadn't lived so close I would have handled this differently. There was a lot to contend with.

Anyway....moving forward.

Thanks again there has been a lot of kindness here x

With parental permission you can marry as young as 16 in the UK.

Great Post @Beautifulbouquet, I recommend that you leave it there and make peace with everything that's happened. It's over, it's done.
This thread has drawn some weirdly exaggerated posts, don't engage any further.
Best of luck for everything in the future 💐

Just seen the legal age has changed to 18 to marry in the UK! Didn't realise that so please ignore my previous post.

I think I would go hunting a bit further afield in future, OP. Don't shit on your own doorstep and all that. Even if he'd been Mr Perfect, just reading about the fact that he can see your house from his makes me feel claustrophobic!

@Waitforit7 Offering advice and suggestions is what Mumsnet is.
If you don't agree with some of it, that's your issue.
Suggesting someone considers therapy (for someone who in every single post has belittled herself) isn't micromanaging her.
However, telling posters exactly how they should behave and getting angry if they don't agree is okay - is it?

@Beautifulbouquet am pleased to hear things are OK and am sorry to see how judged you have been.

We all do daft things. Age doesn't come into it. And a month is fast enough to come to your senses. Many women marry them...

Look after yourself and don't judge yourself harshly. You did well to spot the flags and handled the ending as well as you know how to, in the circumstances you - individually - are facing.

Onwards and upwards. And yes maybe time to work on your boundaries again. We all need helpful reminders and a reset at times. Nowt wrong in that.

Good luck

Eh?

Sorry I can't tell you it's classified! 😂😂

@Beautifulbouquet 💐

Thank you the reply I received from the OP asking me if I made myself a victim was to me a bit odd that's only my opinion mind 😉

Exactly this, OP! Best wishes @Beautifulbouquet 💐

This has to be a troll post if not I think OP needs some help or therapy.

He may have lied but at least he seemed to take the rejection as all he said was OK.

🤣

Are you serious? I was the one that called out people telling someone how to behave and getting angry when she didn’t. What are you even ranting on about? She woke up to a load of harsh messages which it seems were uncalled for, and meeting a psycho and not immediately recognising it does not mean she needs therapy. Some people are big on therapy and great for them- if it helps you. It seems all OP needed was to break up with the guy, seeing as she saw a pattern and realised he’s not quite right in the head

I didn’t realise OP sent that, but give the girl a break, she was getting pissed up in a pub after meeting a wannabe marine psycho, I’m sure she feels kinder towards you this morning 🤣

Do you work for MFI too???

Bugger found out.Jeez MFI that's a blast from the past or Made For Idiots as it was more commonly known

When it comes to the 'knife in the bed' - I'm not convinced that makes him dangerous you know. I think OP was meant to find it. If this bloke is like the one I knew, he's rather weak and ineffectual and thinks that having a big knife would make any girl find him masculine and strong. If he really meant harm then I think he would have put it somewhere OP wouldn't see it.

I've only met this type of guy once some of the stories he told were incredible my favourite was when he bought an ex Army motorbike and sidecar from an MOD Army surplus depot as he was riding it out they stopped him at the gate they had no problem with him taking the bike but he had to hand back the Machine gun strapped to the sidecar how we kept a straight face I'll never know 😂

I think he eats peanut butter in bed with a knife, and he was embarrassed