Dating guy whose "wife was shot dead"

[Beautifulbouquet]

For a month I've been casually seeing someone.

He is quite hard work in general.

This weekend he told me that his wife was shot and killed in Afghanistan where she was a marine.

Having looked this up...this seems impossible. A tiny number of British female soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and all deaths are documented on the government website and seem widely reported in the media.

It seems this is a very bizarre lie.

Or I'm losing my sanity.

You should never ever send text messages when you have had a drink, and from reading these messages you have had more than one drink.

Really REALLY mixed messages.

With references to 'good sex' and kisses...and calling him a 'nutter'.

{Maybe we are all being teased.

An early 'Trick or treat'?}

Can you all please stop assuming she is drunk!!!
She said she was going to have a glass of wine!!
So what?!?!
Doesn't mean she is drunk or that she needs to stop drinking.
Yes the messages weren't very clear but she was clearly messaging him in a way that matches previous messages and only the 2 of them know what this is!!

I've reported this thread, because I'm worried the OP has put far too many identifying details in it.

Please, This has got to be a troll post ..

Either way, can you explain why his name is 'How Old Are You?' OP?

This
After all your fears and anxiety around breaking it off, you're calling him a nutter and calling him out on his lies?
The "utterly adorable" addition just doesn't match the rest at all. But if you've got rid of him successfully, more power to you! 🥂🍾

Think about having your thread deleted @Beautifulbouquet

Posting someone's texts on the web for anyone to see is not good.

Take a big step back.

You had some excellent advice here on how to end this yet you've waded in and perhaps made it worse for yourself.

Ask MN to take it down?

Having read the messages again, I’ve noticed his ‘hahahahaha’’ ‘’ok’’ responses, and I’d say he’s coming across pissed off at being rejected, especially with the single 👍 emoji. This would worry me, personally, as he definitely seems to be communicating that he’s sensitive to being rejected and kind of expected it.

Thank you.

Whoever you are x

True. Knowing him a little. Yes.

But calling him out on his lie and calling him a nutter seemed wise?

Wow OP - not sure that flirty texts were the way to go 🙈🙈🙈

Do not engage with him again - probably best to block him now

Yes, which suggests he might react very badly. Be careful, OP.

Honestly, OP, I don't understand why you sent those messages. You said you weren't going to do anything in haste and you should've stuck to that. I couldn't see his response where he said you'd got it wrong - what exactly did he say?

I interpret his replies as if he just doesn't care. He's probably used to this kind of game.

@Beautifulbouquet I think you did a good job here especially with the adorable but I agree that the word 'nutter' was a mistake. It could be taken lightly as a joke 'he's a bit of a nutter but I love him' but could be taken offensively as 'HE'S A NUTTER. LOCK HIM UP'. You can't control how someone reads a word open like that especially if they are a bit derranged.

Other than that it was a good job in a difficult situation. Time will tell if you've exited safetly but keep your eyes open and wits about you for a while as "the nutter" could have provoked The Nutter.

He is absolutely talking rubbish.

As far as I am aware there has only been one woman who passed the marines tough training course and she left because she couldn’t cope with the way the men treated her.

DH was a paratrooper and no woman has ever been able to pass the course it’s so hard.

It might well be that, but equally, if he comes across mentally unstable/ narcissistic as OP suggests, he could be getting really wound up, people often respond with ‘hahaha’ when they’re angry. I’m not saying that’s the case, just that she needs to be careful for the time being.

This.

It's done the job and you've alleppey.

The flattery was necessarily deployed.

For women criticising me please focus your efforts on him.

I want to be safe.

I'm safer than I was.

That is downright frightening, because men who casually lie about things like that will lie all the time to you, about anything at all - and some may do a lot worse. Get out.

Thanks, lovely x

Wow this thread has gone rather weird.

I don’t understand why you brought up the wife thing and that you knew he was lying?!

I would’ve just kept to ‘It’s been fun but we’re not right for each other’

The messages don’t read like messages between two 40 something year olds either. All odd.

How did calling him out on his lie and calling him a nutter make you safer than just (pleasantly) ending things? I genuinely don’t understand.

OP, I don’t know you, but do you often find yourself impulsively doing things that - in hindsight - don’t really make any sense? As it seems to be a bit of a theme. If so, it’s not something to beat yourself up about. But, it’s certainly something to be aware of. If you do get some counselling, as I think has been suggested upthread, it’s certainly something to explore.

It's also because his real reason for never being married is low self esteem. He thinks that he would be weak if he wasn't married. Unfortunately upbringing can really screw people up. His story is not only implausible it's illogical