Page 10 | Dating guy whose "wife was shot dead"

Original poster

Beautifulbouquet · 15/10/2024 18:34

AlertCat · 15/10/2024 18:30

Thanks to everyone for being so kind. I'm really struggling to understand how in this entire thing I've been so focused on his needs and suffering.

As an aside, it’s worth doing some work on this because as a trait it makes you really vulnerable to manipulative characters.

I actually got told off at work today as I'd let a customer pull a fast one.

I got tears in my eyes. Poor boss couldn't have known why as I said "I've been so naive"

😂

OP posts:

BabyCloud · 15/10/2024 18:34

His tale about his marine wife is irrelevant at this point. He forced you to become his girlfriend and had an 8 inch knife in his bed.

The whole thing sounds like one big laugh to you if I’m being honest.

Planesmistakenforstars · 15/10/2024 18:38

Make up a reason that makes it look you’re being kind ‘the death of your wife sounds so traumatic and devastating that I just don’t think I could deal with that longer term as I’m not ready to provide that support and you deserve that, but thanks for being honest’ etc

On the surface this looks good, but this kind of thing won't fly. He is going to try and reject your rejections, and this is giving him lots of ways to do that, especially as it's assuming things that aren't true and he can deny anyway. He will just reply along the lines of "a relationship is just what I need to help me heal/We can take it slow and see how it goes" etc. And then what will you reply? You just get backed into a corner and have to find more excuses. You can't use reason with people like this because they are not acting in good faith. The reason for dumping him needs to be something short and sweet and about you, because he has far less wriggle room and nothing to negotiate with.

Sortalike · 15/10/2024 18:38

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 15/10/2024 18:29

You say it's a small village, has he just recently moved into it ? or you ?

Same question sprung to mind for me too.

If he's a newcomer to the village then it's easy to make up a load of garbage.

I lived with someone similar, didn't need to work because of hefty investments (in reality he had had a lucky streak gambling) Had a sports car/top of the range golf clubs, etc etc safely stored at his sisters as he was "between houses" waiting for the perfect to come up for sale.

All absolute nonsense. Liars lie..

Please stay safe but end this - it isn't a relationship it's a disaster waiting to happen for you.

ginasevern · 15/10/2024 18:39

"I'm really struggling to understand how in this entire thing I've been so focused on his needs and suffering."

It's not remotely incomprehensible. That's exactly what men do best. They are the past masters of making women their emotional slaves and/or turning things around to make us feel guilty. Even the nicest ones possess this super power to some degree.

januaryjan · 15/10/2024 18:40

Beautifulbouquet · 15/10/2024 15:37

For a month I've been casually seeing someone.

He is quite hard work in general.

This weekend he told me that his wife was shot and killed in Afghanistan where she was a marine.

Having looked this up...this seems impossible. A tiny number of British female soldiers were killed in Afghanistan and all deaths are documented on the government website and seem widely reported in the media.

It seems this is a very bizarre lie.

Or I'm losing my sanity.

The guy is 'hard work' and you obviously don't trust him to tell you the truth - This is only a month into the relationship - It doesn't bode well does it OP.

Getonwitit · 15/10/2024 18:43

If his wife was a Royal Marine, he is talking shit. No female Royal Marines were killed in Afghan.

ChicOpalSheep · 15/10/2024 18:46

For anyone getting in a new relationship I really recommend you request your local police force for a claires law disclosure. X

eatyeateat · 15/10/2024 18:49

For goodness sake stop talking about yourself the way you are doing! Look back at your last posts, you've called yourself stupid in about half. You're not stupid, you were kind and you were manipulated. You wouldn't talk to a friend the way you're talking to yourself. See this as a great learning opportunity and trust yourself if the warning signs come up again.

Threewheeler1 · 15/10/2024 18:49

Um, fantasist and potential narcissist conman?
Agree completely, it's the Walter Mitty type characters.
It usually starts with a great tragedy in their lives (which never happened).
Then they'll be a hero or do a secret 'heroic' job (also not real).
Then they'll need to borrow some money until their latest enormous profit from high-end international investments clears in their Dubai bank.
Then they'll need to move in with you for a bit etc etc.

To be fair, I may have recently watched 'Love Rats' on Netflix 🤔😬,but even without my newly acquired expert love rat knowledge, I don't like the sound of this one at all! Trust your instincts OP.
I think your right to be suspicious and probably best to back away from this one entirely. Stay safe.

Original poster

Beautifulbouquet · 15/10/2024 18:50

Sortalike · 15/10/2024 18:38

Same question sprung to mind for me too.

If he's a newcomer to the village then it's easy to make up a load of garbage.

I lived with someone similar, didn't need to work because of hefty investments (in reality he had had a lucky streak gambling) Had a sports car/top of the range golf clubs, etc etc safely stored at his sisters as he was "between houses" waiting for the perfect to come up for sale.

All absolute nonsense. Liars lie..

Please stay safe but end this - it isn't a relationship it's a disaster waiting to happen for you.

Show quote history

Hrs lived there six years. At least he told me that.

I've lived there a few months.

In the local people seem to like him.

This definitely gave me a false sense of security.

In reality as villagers will know we all get on in the pub. We have to!!

Some people will have seen me walking back from his in the morning or late at night a few times.

All I can say is no one has talked to me about him but people have been acting extra nice to me.

He said everyone was hasdling him if I was his girlfriend and it was stressing him out.

I said who cares.

But that was one of his arguments why he wanted us to be "partners".

I've only moved from a nearby town so I have friends close by.

In a terrible way I thought his eccentricities were all part of village life. I thought you see...this is the kind of interesting and alternative person you meet in a village! I've really been so foolish.

OP posts:

januaryjan · 15/10/2024 18:52

Just read more of your posts.
Listen this guy sleeps with a knife in the bed. This is extreme paranoia going on here and maybe a few other mental health problems.
If you live on your own OP change your locks asap and put 911 on speed dial....hopefully you have an alarm, or one of those doorbell thingamebobs that videos people at your door -at the very least consider one of those peephole thingys that let you look at whose at the door before you open it - very simple to put in the door if you know anyone handy with a drill etc. .. or think about getting a dog - this guy sounds very unhinged all jokes aside.

IOSTT · 15/10/2024 18:52

His wife was shot 8 times…

that’s from Borat!

Daleksatemyshed · 15/10/2024 18:52

It's interesting that he's lied about his ex wife dying in service, most of the Billy Bullshitters big themselves up, not someone else. Obviously it's all lies, I presume he hopes for women's sympathies and a shag if he's lucky.
He's a small man trying to make himself seems interesting Op, end it as firmly and kindly as you can but if he won't take no for an answer don't hesitate to get other people involved- and be careful, he may be mentally fragile and very angry if challanged

AlertCat · 15/10/2024 18:55

Beautifulbouquet · 15/10/2024 18:50

Hrs lived there six years. At least he told me that.

I've lived there a few months.

In the local people seem to like him.

This definitely gave me a false sense of security.

In reality as villagers will know we all get on in the pub. We have to!!

Some people will have seen me walking back from his in the morning or late at night a few times.

All I can say is no one has talked to me about him but people have been acting extra nice to me.

He said everyone was hasdling him if I was his girlfriend and it was stressing him out.

I said who cares.

But that was one of his arguments why he wanted us to be "partners".

I've only moved from a nearby town so I have friends close by.

In a terrible way I thought his eccentricities were all part of village life. I thought you see...this is the kind of interesting and alternative person you meet in a village! I've really been so foolish.

Show quote history

Can you ask about him in the pub? Casually, or in a jokey way, “so can you tell me what I’m letting myself in for, hahaha” or “do you know about his wife?” See if anyone else has been told the same, or else can let you know if he’s a bullshitter but harmless, or potentially a bit more worrying?

bluedelphiniums · 15/10/2024 19:00

AlertCat · 15/10/2024 18:55

Can you ask about him in the pub? Casually, or in a jokey way, “so can you tell me what I’m letting myself in for, hahaha” or “do you know about his wife?” See if anyone else has been told the same, or else can let you know if he’s a bullshitter but harmless, or potentially a bit more worrying?

Show quote history

This...

CluelessAboutBiology · 15/10/2024 19:02

Overtheatlantic · 15/10/2024 15:51

Change your locks

And your name

Imisscoffee2021 · 15/10/2024 19:03

I worked with a guy who fabricated things, like a beautiful fiancee who died of cancer (he wore a ring on that finger in her memory) but the photos of them were really cack handedly photoshopped and obviously taken from a models website. Also said he was a pilot while working in completely unrelated job and had photoshopped his face onto pilots on facebook, stuck himself onto sinatra album covers, just alot. He then pursued a woman at work and when she tried to gently give him the brush off as he gave off vibes he'd be quite pushy, by saying she's wasn't ready for a relationship atm and then many months later got with someone else he went off it and was really angry, quite textbook unfortunately. Luckily the bloke she was with worked at rhe same venue and coukd stand up for himself and her. I think being found out can make compulsive liars lash out, best to walk away with as little drama op and stay safe!

ManhattanPopcorn · 15/10/2024 19:03

"Told him I'd got back with an ex boyfriend who deserved 'one more chance' to stop any repercussions"

I think this is pretty cleaver. In his head he doesn't just have to try to manipulate you, he now has to go up against another man. His bullshit routine wouldn't work on another man.

Comedycook · 15/10/2024 19:05

ManhattanPopcorn · 15/10/2024 19:03

"Told him I'd got back with an ex boyfriend who deserved 'one more chance' to stop any repercussions"

I think this is pretty cleaver. In his head he doesn't just have to try to manipulate you, he now has to go up against another man. His bullshit routine wouldn't work on another man.

My worry with this would he would start grilling her and/or get angry about why has she been talking to her ex while she has been with him?

LittleGreenDuck · 15/10/2024 19:09

Just reading this whilst the radio plays "Things that make you go hmm" Very apt! 🤔

RockyRogue1001 · 15/10/2024 19:15

You're incredibly hard on yourself @Beautifulbouquet
And it's unsurprising to me that in the first few months in a new place you're open to what (and who) it has to offer
That's how we make connections and how you build a life for yourself in a new place
That doesn't make you stupid

To me you're coming across as intelligent and reflective.
I like that you're giving yourself space to consider and make sure the next steps you take are the right ones

Outnumberedmummy2022 · 15/10/2024 19:16

LoyalMember · 15/10/2024 15:42

What the effing hell are you putting up with someone who's hard work to be with and tells James Bond type lies?

James Bond type lies 😂😂😂

KnitFastDieWarm · 15/10/2024 19:18

@Beautifulbouquet my DP is a british army officer who was stationed in Afghanistan multiple times. The US army has female marines, so perhaps that’s why he thinks this story works, but we don’t have any in the UK (yet). He is not only lying, he’s not even lying convincingly, and anyone with more than a passing familiarity with the british army (or, indeed, google search 😁) would know this. Get rid!

IOSTT · 15/10/2024 19:27

Reading this thread makes me feel so sad. Can you imagine a man saying to his friends “I’ve been out on 4 dates with a woman but I think she’s a bit dodgy”, and everyone advising him on different ways to stay safe etc. Just wouldn’t happen. The extremes women have to go to to try to stay safe in everyday life is hideous.