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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He always asks when I’m uncomfortable

151 replies

FunnyHazelHedgehog · 15/10/2024 11:08

My partner keeps asking me for head every single night especially when I am on my reds. He knows I don’t like giving head I’ve even told him countless times before I just don’t enjoy it and I’m sorry. Past few nights when he’s asked I’ve just said maybe too him uncomfortably just because I feel like when I say no it’s a problem. What do I even do anymore? Even when it comes down to sex once or twice a week maybe is fine for me but I don’t want sex like that anymore only due to me just feeling down all the time and I’m not turned on whatsoever I’m just dealing with my own battles in my head.

Past week he’s been saying oh I’m just gonna come on your face when your asleep as a joke , yesterday he said it again and I said alright you’ve been saying this for the past week now you won’t do that so shush & he actually did sort of ..I weren’t asleep but we were laying down and I was just about too drift off. Is that even normal..? Or I don’t know if it was me who pushed him into doing it as I said you won’t do that ..

OP posts:
exhaustedmum24 · 15/10/2024 11:13

FunnyHazelHedgehog · 15/10/2024 11:08

My partner keeps asking me for head every single night especially when I am on my reds. He knows I don’t like giving head I’ve even told him countless times before I just don’t enjoy it and I’m sorry. Past few nights when he’s asked I’ve just said maybe too him uncomfortably just because I feel like when I say no it’s a problem. What do I even do anymore? Even when it comes down to sex once or twice a week maybe is fine for me but I don’t want sex like that anymore only due to me just feeling down all the time and I’m not turned on whatsoever I’m just dealing with my own battles in my head.

Past week he’s been saying oh I’m just gonna come on your face when your asleep as a joke , yesterday he said it again and I said alright you’ve been saying this for the past week now you won’t do that so shush & he actually did sort of ..I weren’t asleep but we were laying down and I was just about too drift off. Is that even normal..? Or I don’t know if it was me who pushed him into doing it as I said you won’t do that ..

That's disrespectful and crossing the boundaries. Not even funny if it was a 'joke' to him I would have been pissed off!

I would be having a word with him about that for sure!

I don't like giving head either so I know how you feel there when you're constantly asked and you get fed up of them asking. I would just be blunt and say no stop asking me you sound like you're begging and it's not an attractive look!

CoffeeBeansGalore · 15/10/2024 11:14

Selfish, disrespectful poor excuse of a man.

Lifeisarealchallenge · 15/10/2024 11:20

He is disgusting OP. He is a sex pest.
Neither you, nor anyone else, should be coerced into a sex act you don't want to do.
When you say no to him he should accept you mean no and that should be the end if the story
Threatening to " come on your face" while you are asleep is threatening you with sexual assault.
You should leave him ASAP. You are not safe with this man.

Skyrainlight · 15/10/2024 11:26

Dump him, raise your bar off the ground and have some respect for yourself because clearly he doesn't. You don't owe him blow jobs. He is a foul POS.

MaidOfAle · 15/10/2024 11:28

Leave the bastard. You don't owe him sex of any kind and a man who doesn't take your first "no" as a final answer is a bad man.

betterangels · 15/10/2024 11:30

Dump. Find your self-respect. He is not worth your time and energy.

DaisyChain505 · 15/10/2024 11:35

My God this is absolutely disgusting.

Sex should be something that happens in a relationship because both parties want it.

He knows how you feel about this certain sex act yet keeps asking DAILY.

He has zero respect or consideration for you and just sees you as something to have sex with who should be fulfilling his needs.

If you’re currently suffering with bad mental health he should be asking what he can do to support you and get you through this, not trying to constantly shove his dick in your mouth.

He’s a pig.

Opentooffers · 15/10/2024 11:35

Grim, definitely a leaving offence and is abusive. I take it he goes down on you frequently? If not, how has it got this far?
Has he just started being like this? If you don't like it, you need to date men who are less bothered about it, they do exist.

DontBother123 · 15/10/2024 11:37

Ugh. Get rid.

BitchBrigade · 15/10/2024 11:37

Past week he’s been saying oh I’m just gonna come on your face when your asleep as a joke , yesterday he said it again and I said alright you’ve been saying this for the past week now you won’t do that so shush & he actually did sort of ..I weren’t asleep but we were laying down and I was just about too drift off. Is that even normal..?

I am surprised no one else has noticed this. What you are saying here is that he came on your face without your consent as you were falling asleep? He sexually assaulted you!!!

Get out. This will escalate.

Original poster
FunnyHazelHedgehog · 15/10/2024 11:38

MaidOfAle · 15/10/2024 11:28

Leave the bastard. You don't owe him sex of any kind and a man who doesn't take your first "no" as a final answer is a bad man.

yep it’s the asking all the time which just turns me off completely where I just shutdown. Everytime I have said no before he would try and persuade me loads after that. So now instead of no I just say maybe and he’ll say ahh come on pleasee and when I say to him I’ve said maybe ok he says I’ll that as a no then and literally turns the tv off and goes to sleep.. I’ll say to him oh you’re going to sleep now why? And he’ll say well I have to get up for work in the morning and will just all be awkward after so I just go sleep

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnyHazelHedgehog · 15/10/2024 11:41

BitchBrigade · 15/10/2024 11:38

Obligatory Lundy Bancroft Book Link

I would bet a million on this man being abusive and controlling in many other ways too.

I don’t speak to my mother anymore because she has problems with him but she’s said the same ages ago that she knows he is

OP posts:
ImNoSuperman · 15/10/2024 11:42

Are you completely financially dependent on this poor excuse for a man?
Is the house in his or joint names?

Call Women's Aid and get the support you need to get financial independence and find somewhere to live if the answer is yes.

If not, kick him out. Call 101 and tell them what happened and if you fear he will be violent to get police support to remove him from your house.

GoldenPheasant · 15/10/2024 11:43

What a revolting man. Do you really want to stay with a partner who thinks it's OK to do this to you?

If you do, just say no to him once, tell him no means no and the more he tries to persuade you against your will the longer it will be before he has any sort of sex with you. He needs to demonstrate that he wants to be with you for you as a person, not for sex.

CaptainBenson · 15/10/2024 11:44

OP it's pretty unanimous that he's an abusive sex pest.

You deserve better.

What is your situation? Can you leave/separate easily?

betterangels · 15/10/2024 11:45

Past week he’s been saying oh I’m just gonna come on your face when your asleep as a joke , yesterday he said it again and I said alright you’ve been saying this for the past week now you won’t do that so shush & he actually did sort of ..I weren’t asleep but we were laying down and I was just about too drift off. Is that even normal..?

No, it isn't. He's a vindictive, sexually-assualting piece of shit. Please get away from him.

betterangels · 15/10/2024 11:46

FunnyHazelHedgehog · 15/10/2024 11:41

I don’t speak to my mother anymore because she has problems with him but she’s said the same ages ago that she knows he is

Show quote history

You should listen to your mother. She was looking out for you.

GarrynotsoGorilla · 15/10/2024 11:46

His behaviour is awful, there is no excuse for this. You should not feel obligated to perform sexual acts with your partner. If he can't see that is wrong and is dismissive, thinking it is a joke you immediately need to get rid.

pinkyredrose · 15/10/2024 11:47

Get rid of him.

ThianWinter · 15/10/2024 11:47

Eurgh. He's revolting. Does he have any redeeming features? His lack of respect and the constant demands for sex would be a massive turn off. I think you should dump him immediately. You can do better than this.

MidnightMeltdown · 15/10/2024 11:47

FFS I'm getting sick of seeing threads like this.

Why the hell are grown women willing to put up with this sort of behaviour from a man? OP you need to work on your self esteem and self respect and dump this piece of shit.

BitchBrigade · 15/10/2024 11:48

Everyone saying he's a "Sex Pest" when he actually sexually assaulted her?? Really?? 🙄

He is abusive and now a criminal OP. If you have him admitting via text to literally masturbating/cumming onto your face against your will when you were NEARLY ASLEEP then it will help when you report him to the police because it is sexual assault. Which is illegal.

Also contact Womens Aid if you need support getting out. He has already been shown that he can sexually assault you and get away with it so he will do something more severe next time to push the boundaries and see what he can really get away with.

ClickClickety · 15/10/2024 11:49

FunnyHazelHedgehog · 15/10/2024 11:41

I don’t speak to my mother anymore because she has problems with him but she’s said the same ages ago that she knows he is

Show quote history

This is so very sad. If you take a step back I hope you will see that he has separated you from anyone who tells you what he is doing is wrong and that you are deeply unhappy.

What little steps could you take now to begin separating? He won't change so I wouldn't try to have a conversation with him about it. Make a plan and leave when he is not there. It's very hard and you will miss him but you can do hard things and the missing him will fade until you shake your head in amazement that you put up with it for so long.

AutumnCrow · 15/10/2024 11:50

Threatening to " come on your face" while you are asleep is threatening you with sexual assault.

He didn't just threaten it.

He did it.