He always asks when I’m uncomfortable

[FunnyHazelHedgehog]

My partner keeps asking me for head every single night especially when I am on my reds. He knows I don’t like giving head I’ve even told him countless times before I just don’t enjoy it and I’m sorry. Past few nights when he’s asked I’ve just said maybe too him uncomfortably just because I feel like when I say no it’s a problem. What do I even do anymore? Even when it comes down to sex once or twice a week maybe is fine for me but I don’t want sex like that anymore only due to me just feeling down all the time and I’m not turned on whatsoever I’m just dealing with my own battles in my head.

Past week he’s been saying oh I’m just gonna come on your face when your asleep as a joke , yesterday he said it again and I said alright you’ve been saying this for the past week now you won’t do that so shush & he actually did sort of ..I weren’t asleep but we were laying down and I was just about too drift off. Is that even normal..? Or I don’t know if it was me who pushed him into doing it as I said you won’t do that ..

He sounds absolutely horrible. You sound really unhappy.

This is not a good environment to raise a child in.

There is a better future out there for you and your DC without him. Is there anyone in real life you can talk to about this?

His behaviour sounds absolutely disgusting. I don’t know you, but I’d bet money on you being worth more than this.

You do know there’s plenty of men out there who wouldn’t do this, right?

Seriously, do you really need to ask if this is normal? Why aren't you shocked that he would treat you with such disrespect? Please reach out to women's aid and tell them this story. Let the professionals help you understand how abusive this is. You need to learn about healthy relationship boundaries. You are the only parent your dc has to teach them this really important stuff so you need to get rid of that disgusting excuse for a partner and get yourself on a healthy path. Please, don't allow this man to abuse you or your child may become an abuser too.

I agree with you, but to be fair they may have missed it (like me) from the end of OP's last paragraph which is a little oblique: "you won’t do that so shush & he actually did sort of ..I weren’t asleep but we were laying down and I was just about too drift off. Is that even normal..? Or I don’t know if it was me who pushed him into doing it as I said you won’t do that .." She doesn't explicitly say that he did it as she was drifting off to sleep, which is why I've asked her the direct question. I think if everyone was clear that he did actually do this to her, they would be telling her to report him to the police.

@FunnyHazelHedgehog

Here's what you really need to know about what is.

Fucking animal !!!!

Report it to the police? She still is in such a fog that she is confused and thinks that because he is laughing when he abuses her he is “joking” and “not serious “ and therefore can’t be criticized let alone reported for it. O P needs a lot of counseling and rethinking before she can grasp that her partner’s demeanor doesn’t affect the seriousness of his crimes against her.

This is just awful. There has to be other things wrong in the relationship. Please bin him off

Not normal. Abusive and disgusting! If someone you loved told you this had happened to them, what would you think? I hope you manage to get yourself out of this situation. If you want to be with someone, there are plenty of respectful men out there. This guy is not it.

This is horrific - and there is a child in the mix being exposed to this unhealthy abusive relationship.

Please leave for the sake of your child if not for yourself.

If only you'd listened to your mum! Well we all live and learn OP. You need to apologise to your mum and tell her she was right all along and now you really need her help and support. Do the same with your friends if you have the same situation there. You can't stay in this OP it's just awful.

what do you mean by "I feel like when I say no it’s a problem"?

You sound quite young OP - but apologies in advance if I am mistaken.

This is a man who has no respect for women - never mind you - and, it will only get worse. I can PROMISE you this. At the moment, your self-esteem and bar are on the floor and that's a really hard starting point. I know it's overwhelming when people say "just leave" when things are that low.

Instead, take some smaller steps with a view to trying to reframe this whole 'relationship' in your head until you are strong enough to leave.

Refuse sex if you don't want it. If he pesters you, tell him what he is - a sex pest who is making unwanted advances.

If he STILL thinks it's ok to engage in sexual behaviour with you, when you have either clearly said you don't want to or are passive/asleep, tell him what he is doing which is sexually assaulting you. Actually tell him.

Start building bridges with your mum. She is not wrong about him.

Talk to friends if you can. This is NOT NORMAL

Read the Lundy book and see if you can find some support groups to help you feel stronger.

He is repulsive.
He doesn't like women
He doesn't respect women
He doesn't respect you
He is a sex pest
He is a terrible role model for your child.

Keep reminding yourself that.

Think through the stages of what he's doing and thinking, the boundaries he's crossing. He's nagging you to do a sex act he knows you don't want. He'd be able to emjoy it even knowing you don't. He's able to get aroused and start masterbating in your presence doing something he knows you don't like, want or consent to, it sounds like he's getting a kick out of the fact you don't want it. In fact he's told you he's done it because he knows you don't want it and he wants to show who is boss. Imagine how far gone from decent you need to be to think like that, act on it and get turned on. You can't come back from that, it is not a healthy way to be treated. It's assult and it will escalate.

I think it's a bit of a risk for you to not consider this an act of contempt. He might consider it a blokey-bloke prank, but most women wouldn't see it that way, so I don't think he'll get much sympathy in that direction. I mean, how would he feel if someone slapped him across the face as a 'joke'??

The power dynamic in male-female relationships mean he can't do that, and he knows it. There's also too much context in this case for it to be that.

He sounds grim OP. I hope you have enough support in your life to enable you to leave him.

He sounds absolutely vile and you appear to not be able to articulate the word NO!

@FunnyHazelHedgehog you poor thing. I didn’t need to read beyond your first two sentences 😞 He’s an abuser. He will not change. Please find the strength to leave him. 💐

Kick him the fuck out. He violated you, and he is a boundary-pushing sex pest.

He sounds like a sex pest. Everyone has things they like or would like but a considerate partner accepts if their partner doesn't want to. There are other things to do which can be just as satisfying/exciting.

Your man is not loving and what he says is revolting. He is surely not a very young lad any more with rampant urges (& not all young men are like that, some are by nature caring).

Does he go down on you, if you like that?

If you have gentle, loving sex a couple of times a week, probably more on holiday, that's more than many and is worth something.

Op, you do sound depressed and this man is contributing to that. I don't know how long you two have been together or if you have children or a child, you obviously don't have to say, but kids do make it difficult for a couple to part, as do finances. I honestly feel you would be better without him.

On first reading I missed the bit where you said he actually did what he had jokingly said he would do, you weren't yet asleep. That is seriously abusive.

It's OK to do such things if you both fancy it but that is not the case here.

I feel for you. Please weigh up your options. He is not helping you be well again, quite the contrary.

OMG...this is not good , not good at all. I would leave him for damn sure

This luckily he's a partner so it makes it easier to split up.

:-( dump him you don't deserve to be pestered by this poor excuse of a man.

Listen to your mother, she has a point.Why cut her off for being right? You'd be a fool to carry this on.
Let him report you to SS. If it's baseless, they won't do anything. If you need support, you'll get it.
Kick him out, and keep him gone, change the locks. Then reconnect with your DM.

You’ve been sexually assaulted. I’m really sorry.

You need to LTB.