Help me get out of this please

[MerlotStreep]

This is going to be super embarrassing, I fully expect to be told how ridiculous this all is but I need help getting out of my farce of a relationship.

Backstory: Long distance, nearly two years, visited him twice, he has visited me three times.

I tried to break up with him about 6 months ago. Told him it was over, blocked him everywhere, ended up having to change my number. He appeared on my doorstep, I sent him away. He changed emails, got new phone numbers, basically everything he could to make contact with me. He attempted suicide.

I suffer from depression and at a weak point, responded to a message. I shouldnt have done and it took off from there. We got back together and now I am just as miserable as I was when I broke up with him before.

He is insecure, questioned the life out of me on my sexual history, checks to see when I am online all the time, wont let me have any space and makes me feel bad if I do take it. Has a delicate ego and goes in moods with me if I say something he doesnt like. I also have PMDD and he always insists its my PMDD and depression that makes me unhappy in the relationship. I dont deal with confrontation well and he twists things to suit his own narrative. I end up either just going blank or getting so stressed I end up shaking. He expects me to be online at his beck and call, spend all my free time with him. I am very isolated where I live and use online to be able to socialise, but it cant involve men.

I want out and it should be easy right? So why am I not just doing it? I think my self esteem is just so low, and he made me feel such a terrible person for going no contact with him. I dont have the energy to deal with the dramatics that happened last time. I dont want to have to change my number again, delete email address, make new one. I guess I've just been hoping that he will get fed up with me being miserable all the time and break up with me. But its not going to happen is it?

Please help me find the strength to get this done. He thinks he is going to be coming over for a visit in a months time. I've just been going along with whatever he says because I am so emotionally spent in dealing with him. I used to be an assertive confident person. I'm not anymore.

He is relentless and I doubt he’ll stop until you crack and engage again, because he knows it worked last time. So I would file a report with the police wherever he lives. They won’t have jurisdiction here but you could say you are worried he is going to fly to the UK with the intention of continuing his harassment in person and they might warn him off. You should be able to file a report online.

I myself had a stalker from the US, while living in the UK. I’m not sure if this guy is in the US but my experience was that the US police gave precisely zero shits. I did log it with the UK police and they were amazing. The fact that he has form for suddenly showing up on your doorstep matters. The police asked me if my stalker a-hole would likely come to the UK, for example, and I said that he had the means to do so, so they did take it seriously.

This guy might show up banging on your door demanding ‘answers’, he seems to be frothing himself up into a rage.

Oh, OP, it must be so unsettling. He's talking as if you dumped him yesterday, not 2 weeks ago. And that's after his previous message acting as if he were the one ending it. Stay strong and keep documenting everything. This is harassment, and it wouldn't be an overreaction to report it to the police if you haven't already done so. Do not engage with him. You're doing really well.

Change your email address. It will reinforce to him that you are serious about not wanting to hear anything from him. He's doing this because he knows you will read what he sends - and he thinks that by being relentless he'll eventually grind you into submission.

Please do go to the police OP. There may be nothing they can do at the moment, but it will be on record if he does turn up at your home and you need to call them.

Absolutely this. If he turned up before it is likely he could again. Definitely do not respond, and change your email address.

He's an absolute freak.

You're doing great.