Help me get out of this please

[MerlotStreep]

This is going to be super embarrassing, I fully expect to be told how ridiculous this all is but I need help getting out of my farce of a relationship.

Backstory: Long distance, nearly two years, visited him twice, he has visited me three times.

I tried to break up with him about 6 months ago. Told him it was over, blocked him everywhere, ended up having to change my number. He appeared on my doorstep, I sent him away. He changed emails, got new phone numbers, basically everything he could to make contact with me. He attempted suicide.

I suffer from depression and at a weak point, responded to a message. I shouldnt have done and it took off from there. We got back together and now I am just as miserable as I was when I broke up with him before.

He is insecure, questioned the life out of me on my sexual history, checks to see when I am online all the time, wont let me have any space and makes me feel bad if I do take it. Has a delicate ego and goes in moods with me if I say something he doesnt like. I also have PMDD and he always insists its my PMDD and depression that makes me unhappy in the relationship. I dont deal with confrontation well and he twists things to suit his own narrative. I end up either just going blank or getting so stressed I end up shaking. He expects me to be online at his beck and call, spend all my free time with him. I am very isolated where I live and use online to be able to socialise, but it cant involve men.

I want out and it should be easy right? So why am I not just doing it? I think my self esteem is just so low, and he made me feel such a terrible person for going no contact with him. I dont have the energy to deal with the dramatics that happened last time. I dont want to have to change my number again, delete email address, make new one. I guess I've just been hoping that he will get fed up with me being miserable all the time and break up with me. But its not going to happen is it?

Please help me find the strength to get this done. He thinks he is going to be coming over for a visit in a months time. I've just been going along with whatever he says because I am so emotionally spent in dealing with him. I used to be an assertive confident person. I'm not anymore.

Hi OP, you might want to read this.

https://ia600600.us.archive.org/31/items/hybridphilosophy-collection/The-Covert-Passive-Aggressive-Narcissist-by-Debbie-Mirza.pdf

You’re doing great. Keep talking about what’s happening and reaching out for support.

He sent it from another account. It’s blocked now. Thanks for the replies, I’m just a flabbergasted at the audacity of him.

He’s clearly unhinged to post that on a message board for ladies who have PMDD. Good luck with that!

Agree. Hopefully police can advise you.
It's not enough to keep blocking accounts he has set up, you need to change all your accounts, email address and phone number.

Sorry if I’ve got this wrong OP but you only ever met in person 5 times - is that right?

That’s right, in total we have spent about ten weeks together in person.

You could contact the moderator for each group he is posting about you in and let them know that this is your abusive ex boyfriend and it's lies and you would appreciate it being removed as he's trying to cut off all support for you.
Don't respond to him at all, ever. If you do, he will think well I only need to spam her for x months to reel her back in.
You've done Really well breaking up with an abusive man.

Keep going OP. Block, ignore, don't respond. If you haven't contacted the police yet then please do so.

How are you doing @MerlotStreep

I’m doing good, he is still attempting different ways of making contact but I am just ignoring. Focusing on managing depression better, getting back into good routines etc. Thank you all for the support and helping me understand what was happening in the relationship, it’s very much appreciated.

you are lonely and miserable where you live and have been gone wild into unreal online life. Sell that damn old cottage and move to the centre of the nearest student vibe city, do a course and meet variety of people, make friends who will have your back

curious to know what your current life story, home, family, etc is really like, because sounds a bit weird

Absolutely this. He’s trying to take back control of the narrative. Do NOT respond to him.

You’re doing brilliantly.

FWIW, I had PMDD (and stage 4 endo AND dysmenorrhea) for 25 years. I had a hysterectomy in 2022. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for my health and I wish I’d done it years ago.

If there are specific issues that concern you about having a hysterectomy, post on the Women’s Health or Menopause boards. Ask for recommendations of a gynaecologist in your area if you think speaking to a professional for advice would help. Good luck x

What?

This one nearly got a response from me. New email again. Blocked.

I need you to know exactly how I feel about everything you've put me through. I gave you time, patience, loyalty, and unwavering support. I believed in you, tried to build something meaningful, and invested my heart in ways you can't even begin to comprehend. And how did you repay me? With manipulative, toxic, and outright abusive behavior that made me feel trapped, confused, and always on edge.

The emotional rollercoaster you put me on has been exhausting. You’re reckless with promises and casual with words that you never intended to keep. I’ve had to walk on eggshells constantly, wondering if the next day would bring yet another drastic change of heart from you. You say one thing and do the exact opposite, claiming to love me one day, then threatening to call the police the next. I now see it for what it is: a cycle of manipulation and emotional abuse.

You might not even realize how much pain you’ve caused. You act like you’re the victim, blaming everyone and everything else for your issues, as if that absolves you of any responsibility. Well, it doesn’t. Your inability to manage your emotions, to seek the help you so desperately need, and to treat people with basic decency has left a trail of broken trust, hurt feelings, and, frankly, destruction.

Yes, I loved you—more than you probably deserve, looking back. But that love is no excuse to continue tolerating your cruel and chaotic behavior. You can't keep swinging between intense love and cold dismissal without repercussions. You can’t keep using people as emotional punching bags when things don’t go your way.

Maybe someday you’ll look back and see the damage you've done, but I’m not holding my breath. You’re so wrapped up in your own self-protective cocoon that you can’t even recognize the pain you inflict on others. You push people away, then blame them for leaving. It’s selfish, it’s cruel, and it’s the sign of someone unwilling to face their own issues.

This is it. I’m done being a pawn in your endless game of broken promises and emotional manipulation. I hope you eventually realize the impact of your actions, but by then, I’ll be long gone, finding peace and stability—something I now know I’ll never get from you.

Take responsibility. Get help. And stop treating people like they’re disposable. I may have loved you, but I can’t keep hurting myself for someone who only cares about themselves.

Maybe start using a new email address yourself?

You're not obliged to keep reading his nonsense, you know. As soon as you realise it's him again, just put it in a folder and don't give him your headspaceby reading on.

Sorry he's still doing this.

Utter bollocks he's spouting in those last emails. As if he can keep trying to do a character assassination on you and your supposed crimes when he won't respect your perfectly reasonable decision to end the relationship and for him not to contact you. Whatever you had supposedly done before doesn't matter if the relationship is over and in fact if you were so terrible, surely it's better that way for him and would be best for him to stop contacting you. It's all just manipulation. I echo PPs that it will help you to detach and get out of the cycle of abuse if you can either close your email address or stop reading the messages. It is irrelevant what he says and will only continue to perpetuate the harm to you.

That would turn my stomach if I read that. It’s nauseating rubbish. This is a man you have spent very little time with in real life. You haven’t lived together or built a life together.
He has no right to do this but sadly he will if he has any access to you. This is blatant harassment. He wants you to destroy yourself because he only cares about himself.
He is mentally unstable OP. I am afraid I would be speaking to the police if it happens again.
Do not respond to this vile rubbish.

Stay strong, OP, and do not reply. You're doing so well. Sorry you're going through this.

He doesn't deserve you. Just walk away and block. He's a complete waste of your time.
He harassed you into getting back with him. Don't ever communicate with him again. If he follows you or appears at your door don't answer it and ring the police, saying someone is harassing you. You could even get a non molestation order. Be strong, you can do this
And don't ever look back.

This is laughable. What a pathetic man. In future you should delete any emails, he’s not worth any of your headspace.

Onwards and upwards OP!

Keep going op. Ignore and block. Don't respond.

Please log this harassment with the police.

Well done for not responding @MerlotStreep . He is a first class to**er! No wonder you're head was all over the place before, he's is truly nasty.

@MerlotStreep I just wanted to say well done!! Really, please stay strong.

Keep screenshotting and blocking and just ignore, ignore, ignore!

And remember, if you give in to him now, then you will be back in this same position in 6 month's / a year's time. Better to get it all over with now, once and for all.

You're doing great!

OP if he emails you again you need to contact the police. I suspect he will keep going because he wants a reaction from you. The fact that he keeps making new email addresses indicates that he knows you've blocked him but he's determined to keep going anyway