New guy just told me he used to do heroin!

[AvidPlumRaven]

I’m shattered. I met this guy online a few months ago. I fell for him quickly and he the same. I have never met someone I have so much in common with and we laugh at how we must be the male/female version of one another.

today- the shock. He decided to tell me he’s 4 years clean from heroin. I was floored. I had no idea! I was kind of course and told him
i thought he was brave for telling me but in reality I’m heartbroken.

I don’t know what to do?! Any advice right now would be greatly appreciated. Please be kind. X

It shows he’s honest and it’s been 4 years. Give the man a chance!
I would just remember though, he will forever have an addict brain so hopefully he continues to put the work in to keep being his healthy self.

I'm sure people will be along to tell you to give him a chance and blah blah.

But having been married to an addict. Run like the fucking wind.

He might be clean for now, but someone who has made those poor choices in the past is not someone you want in your life.

There's nothing to do. He's telling you the truth about his past. It's great he's managed to get clean. And he feels he can share this part of his life with you.
People who take class A drugs are just the same as anyone else. They just made the decision to try something, that something is illegal, but it feels good, and sadly is extremely physically addictive.
It wouldn't put me off someone, put it that way.

I'm with luvidsquid. Fair play to anyone in recovery I've absolute admiration for them and standing at the side I'd be cheering them on and expecting them to succeed. Having been there and done that, it's not a risk I'd now take in a relationship. I know it's a kick in the nuts for the person but I need to protect my self and my kids from any more consequences of addiction at all costs. No from me but respect to the dude

Addicts can go either way. Some will never touch again and some will always be touch and go. Not really sure why your ‘shattered’ though. People have flaws and you either need to decide if you like this guy enough to give it a proper un-judgemental chance or leave now.

He’s told you the truth, he’s been honest, give the man a chance!

what would you have done if it was alcohol / gambling?

So did Davina McCall I believe and she's practically a national treasure. Some people do escape their past and turn it round. If he's that great, give him a chance.

If you continue seeing him then take it incredibly slow, don’t move in together or anything in a rush.

I would probably end things though my ex was a cake head and it’s dreadful.

I would absolutely run a million miles. Not worth the risk at all, for me.

But I've had the 'drama' relationship with an unstable boyfriend (fell head over heels in the beginning too) and I never, ever want to do it again.

I'd let this one go. Just as an aside, do you come from a background of addiction such as alcohol, work, gambling? Because the instant attraction could be familiarity.

Do you have a pattern of addiction within your own family or have you dated an alcoholic before?

If yes and there is a pattern you should run if it’s not a pattern then maybe you should give him a chance

I mean how long was he addicted? Does he have a criminal record? Is he employed?

Did he take it IV?

he’s got a clean sti screen?

Has he been tested for everything? Does he do anything now (including alcohol and weed)?

If the answers are yes and no, I might consider him. If he's done the very hard work and is very committed and serious about his recovery. But one sniff of anything worrisome and it;s a very very hard NO.

I've worked with addicts and have a family member who is one. Recovery is hard, and 4 years is an amazing achievement. Well done to him.

I'd proceed with caution, though. He will always be an addict even if he is clean, and you do not want to be around someone actively using. It will feel like you're in a nightmare, and jekyll and Hyde type one. Pathological lying is also a symptom of drug and alcohol addiction, but again, this is when actively using. It can be extremely traumatic being attached to an addict.

You'll have to draw some boundaries. He needs to be brutally honest about his addiction and recovery. Get all the information you can. And then decide what you want to do.

I have seen people sober and drug free for years. Change is possible. However, I would not enter into a relationship with someone who had a previous drug addiction, personally.

At least it isn't alcohol though, which is worse.

Walk away. You’re not the person to deal with this. You’ve said you ‘fell for him’ and him for you - yet the moment he opens up to you about something incredibly personal, you’ve ran straight to an online forum and told a whole load of strangers about it. He deserves better.

Id be careful with the whole he's the male version of me thing etc, you haven't known him long and he's already really surprised you. Have you met his friends and family?

@floridaidea why does it matter if he used it IV? It's harder to stop if you do, but either way he's been clean for 4 years.
What about if he was addicted to prescription pain meds? It's all the same thing.

Blood-borne diseases @BobbyBiscuits

OP deserved better, she deserved to know at an earlier stage.

It would put me off too op. You’re not obliged to date anyone, it’s your choice who you allow into your life so don’t be guilted. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.

I would be wanting to consider:
What he’s doing with his life now
How he’s maintaining his recovery
How long he was addicted, how many attempts it took to get clean and how he did it
Why and how he became addicted in the first place
If he’s had therapy
How he copes with stress and adversity now - what coping mechanisms he has
If he reminds you of anyone in your life

I had a friend who was an ex heroin addict. We became really good friends very quickly but over time I noticed how much chaos there was in her life, issues with alcoholic boyfriend all the time, and if it wasn't that it was something else. Seemed like she was just into drama and was quite the energy vampire and eventually our friendship ended because she was too draining for me. I believe people change, but watch out for other personality traits that are linked to addiction types and decide if that's what you want in your life long term.

This will sound harsh, but unless you have an equally off putting issue that he'll have to live with, you should end it. He has just unlocked another thing to be worried about forever in the relationship. You're a few months in, kindly throw him back.

Was he sniffing victoria sponge up his schnozzle.

Several friends, all decent people have given up heroin and years later still clean.