WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

[ShockedAF]

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

You know what sounds even more ridiculous? This post.

@Bookworm20 “What I see is a woman who has come on here asking what to do because her BF of 3 years has suddenly stuck a for sale sign outside his house without so much as a peep to her about moving”

This is the weird part, she’s not asking the person who put a sign on his lawn but a bunch of strangers who know nothing about this man.

She didn't post the thread 'instead of' asking him ffs!!

She asked for advice and she was getting that until a nastier element has crept in.

I think making out that the OP is some kind of deranged stalker based on the information she's given is really off. Another poster said that a man she'd actually discussed marriage with moved his ex back in without telling her.

Although it is extremely weird behaviour on his part, it is sadly not uncommon for avoidant people to think that erm avoiding any sort of sensible discussion is the best plan and when challenged, they obfuscate and gaslight. @ShockedAF did indeed sound very shocked yesterday.

OP, won't feel like it at the moment, but losing the financially incontinent douchebag is for the best in the long run.

Harsh

You know nothing about me. So why would you say that ? Is it an attempt at humour maybe ?

I’m not the one needing help here, but you carry on if you think that the OP is taking any of the advice you’re all dishing out.

I think she’s deluded, and I also think some of you know this too.

Not just me then.

She asked a bunch of strangers before asking him, then asked him, that’s the strange part. It’s usually the other way round…

You've said he lies a lot, gaslights you, is secretive, and accused you of "going to go mad" if he told you his plan to sell his house. He sounds toxic.
I don't think you can believe a word he says. He sounds completely remote from reality with zero empathy. I wouldn't be surprised if he's got another girlfriend or even a wife and/or kids somewhere. I would be very glad he's selling up.

Behave. Think about it ?
You live next door to your BF - he puts the house on the market and you’ve helped him build furniture and watched him declutter.

Now she’s come on here, asking a group of strangers what she should do ? Tosh.

Mumsnet is such a odd place.

OP, I would be pretty angry and upset too, it’s not like you’ve been dating a few months, it’s been 3 years. He’s had plenty of opportunities to tell you but he hasn’t, he’s had you helping he declutter and tidy his house and forgot to tell you he’s selling up. He doesn’t love you, if he did he wouldn’t have kept it a secret. I would block him or send him a shitty text.

My (long time ago) ex did this to his gf (several years after me).
She went round to his house and a stranger answered the door. The bugger had actually moved and not told her.

That’s terrible OP. You deserve better than to be treated like that.

Christ. those who think OP is lying, you have said your bit and can now leave. Why would you hang on a thread you thought was bollocks?
It just feels like you want to derail it for some weird reason.

The rest of us, who have likely encountered breathtaking batshittery behaviour from men, and who do not think OP is lying can continue to offer support.

I am in the camp of why bother asking a man who has displayed an epic amount of insensitivity, secrecy and basic dickheadness to explain what is blatantly staring me in the face. In OP's case, its a for sale sign.

What exactly would be the point?

And for those saying well OP asked a bunch a strangers before asking him - she asked a bunch of strangers what she should do, because she was shocked, angry and upset. Not WTF is the for sale sign for.
I don't think she needed clarification on what a for sale sign represents ffs, she needed clarification on how she could handle her now ex dickhead after seeing it.

I'm sorry this happened, OP.

However, it's always a relief to read that the OP does not have children with the bastard, nor do you live with him or are you financially dependent on him.

No, I can assure you that I AM being sarcastic. On account of, you know, it being my words that I wrote myself and my brain knowing what my intentions were 🤣

Honestly, if you can’t make the most basic of conversation without an attempt to gaslight someone, should you even be out with the grownups?

To the poster that asked if 99% of women would ask there bf why the house was up for sale yes they damn well would not go straight away to I’ll block him instead

plus what I’m finding odd is OP only agreeing with folks that are agreeing she’s done the right thing.

she isn’t responsible for him but herself and being passive doesn’t work. Certainly not long term and not for healthy relationships for the future.

plus many posters make up shit we’ve seen it tonnes of time on here weekly by the deleted threads

Start catching up with friends.

Anyone around who would come over with a bottle of wine or go out and you can have a rant and let them cheer you up?

Even better if you can look fabulous walking out the door.

You remember yesterday OP, that ice cold feeling when you saw the sign and online estate agent photos? Isn't it only fair, all's fair in love and war, that he gets to wonder what the fuck you are up to for once?

I suspect that the OP and those of us who agree she has done the right thing have had far more experience of getting indirect non-answers and gaslit responses e.g. “stop being dramatic” or “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d be upset”. We are coming from a perspective of having dealt with those type of slippery individuals who deflect and reverse themselves as the victim and the hapless questioner as the offender. It simply isn’t worth it because you know from past experience that you aren’t going to get a real answer. The actions (secretively putting up a for sale sign, having the OP help declutter without saying why) are sufficient information in themselves about the quality of the relationship.

The “just ask!” and more confrontational school of thought have probably had more positive past experiences of receiving direct responses and resolving conflict through communication. It depends on who you are dealing with tbh, not everyone is the same and the forum reflects our diversity. The OP can select the more useful answers and discard the rest.

No sure why you are determined to blame the OP. I can still staggering levels of miscommunication and immature behaviour in her boyfriend but not in the OP.

He does gaslight though. He’ll say he said x when he said y. But it’s mostly been silly things and when I call him out on it, which I do, he does eventually admit it and laugh

It isn’t funny though is it? You described him as an interesting character and said you found some of his behaviour endearing, and I’m hoping that you’re seeing now that this isn’t a rather sweet character quirk. It’s really nasty to persistently lie to your partner and then laugh it off if you’re called out. And if they can do it over silly things, they can do it over really big things and do real damage.

I really hope you don’t get sucked in by someone like this again, because you’ll see the signs.

Conversation is everything. Why he is selling? Is he in debt? Do not assume anything, keep an open mind. Have you built a strong trust between the two of you? Can you talk about very personal things with him? Is he a supportive partner and friend, someone you can truly rely on? What is his personality? His character? Is he an honest person? Has he, and how often he demonstrated his honesty to you? And what about his dedication to you, as his partner? It is important not to be too emotional, and you you try do your utmost to mainstay inner calm, whatever the external situations. Your wellbeing is more important than any problems that occur.

Wouldn't it be nice if you could get a new date, take him home and blatantly show him off in front of the Knob. 😁