WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

[ShockedAF]

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

OP: ‘He can fuck off, and keep fucking off’

Bloody love this 😂

I might have told you to ring the estate agent and tell them the property is now in a neighbour dispute - except that would delay the arsehole getting a sale and fucking off.

Sometimes the most powerful thing is silence.

Yes, I think so. If last night’s phone call lasted an hour, any more is a waste of time. What exactly did he need an hour to say? Your time is worth more than this.
I would be concerned he is thinking he can move in with you given his financial situation so close it down and get on with what you want to do in your life.

There must be something wrong with him because the secret house sale thing is so outside the range of what a normal person would do.
I wouldn’t give him another thought. Don’t do a final text. What would be the point?

He’s a sly asshole. I don’t usually agree with ghosting but he’s left you with no other option. If you speak to him he’ll lie and make jokes and undermine your justifiable, human, normal and healthy response to his horrible behaviour.

I think you have misunderstood me. Asking him is the first step. He seems to be very secretive and OP seems to be feeling that she can’t or shouldn’t speak about what’s going on. He seems to have lost his marbles a bit and may not have even thought how his relationship with her will be affected.

He’s got a point about you ‘going mad’. The way you acted all day was very strange.

I'm not sure anyone could tell you how to manage this because it's something I imagine very few people would have experienced. And besides, however you feel is valid and pretty much any thing you wanted to do or say would be reasonable. I mean, try to abide by the law but that would be my only advice. What a despicable man.

You have nothing to feel embarrassed about, the shame is all his.

It wasn't at all.

Maybe he didn't know how to tell you?

@BabyR 10 out of 10 for trying to gaslight but unsuccessful.

The way you were dispassionately and articulately describing his personality style was awesome. The compartmentalising and gaslighting. It’s so impressive that you haven’t been manipulated by it and you call him out on.

Keep that up today and forever. As you start to process this and the pain of loss and betrayal kick in your physical body will react in powerful ways. The emotions of loss sit in out lower cave person brain (it’s not as simple as that of course but roughly speaking) and might get in the way you using your more evolved and developed upper cortex which is the bit that can see his behaviour, analyse it and not react to it.

keep doing what you are doing. Engage on your terms only when you feel you can stay calm and dispassionate with him. or don’t engage at all.

Not for his sake and not for your sake (it might be quite satisfying to let rip and rant and rave at him) but to really disconcert and mess with him. No emotional reaction will totally mess with his head and it’s what he deserves. Block him and work hard today. Book that holiday and get in touch with those old friends even if it’s just a text. Look after yourself.

He is selling up without mentioning it. He lied about the reason for getting the house photo-ready. (And got OP to help!)
Why does she owe him a face to face? She doesn't want to see him!
I wouldn't have even countenanced the phone call, but OP is a nicer person than me.

To be honest, I could imagine my brother doing something like this. He is very secretive for absolutely no reason. I feel like maybe it's to do with our upbringing which was somewhat less than healthy.

OP he sounds like an ex of mine. He was absolutely lovely to me, couldn't fault the way he treated me - when he was in the same room.
But the lying cheating and gaslighting was constant .
Being besotted, I let a few incidents go, but eventually, like you, I just saw what he was behind the charm and the turnoff was instant.

I'm 100% certain I'd be saying WTAF is going on with your house up for sale..
To his face.

Nah. He will want that. He doesn’t deserve it. It will absolutely freak him out if she grey rocks him. He deserves nothing more.

It really wasn't. She's taken some time to process what she's seen and decide how to respond to a very unusual situation. No indication she would 'go mad' at all.

Do you not communicate in your relationship? Of course you should ask. I agree it’s odd behaviour but why after 2 years would you just block someone without a discussion?

What a cruel thing to do to someone. Judge someone by their actions, not the excuses he is giving you now. Don't give him a reaction. Stay away from him.

"I feel like he will gaslight. Which is something he does"

What a catch!
I'd say him moving away is cause for celebration!

Grey rock?
AKA.. not confronting someone about their shitty behaviour so they think its OK and continue to shit on people for the rest of their lives?
Bollox to that.
Ask for an explanation- if its not forthcoming or to your satisfaction- scorch earth them and cut them dead.

I think if you’ve never been gaslit to this degree it may be hard to understand. Op is perfectly correct to grey rock him.

Op would lose at that game. Grey rock is the only way to get the upper hand with a narcissist.

it is different from not confronting. It is disengaging.