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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

787 replies

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 17:17

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

OP posts:
AW24 · 10/10/2024 00:13

I think you should have replied to him as normal. Let on it don't bother you.

TSMWEL · 10/10/2024 00:18

frozendaisy · 09/10/2024 20:40

If I had been seeing someone for 3 years, daily more or less for the past 2, I would expect them to mention they were putting their house on the market.

Not being all "understanding" there might be a good reason he hadn't said anything. What reason could there be?

If he thinks it's a FWB why would that stop him saying a word?

If he was having money trouble again why not say, I need some equity out of the house?

If he wanted to end the relationship, again it's not an excuse not to say anything.

It's not the selling a house that is the problem here it's not saying a fucking word about it after 2-3 years. Whatever the reason, and in the end who cares it's been done now, he knows him moving will be a big change for OP regardless of why he's moving.

It's just a lack of common decency. Utter contempt for OP.

So whilst I wouldn't be a screaming banshee I wouldn't be fucking understanding either. And neither would my H have been if I had done this to him after 3 years together, I mean would anyone? Really. After best part of 3 years.

I would ignore texts. This is not a get out via text type of situation.

This, there's parents on the school run that know more about my house moves than the OP does about her own bf's.

I can't believe posters saying oh he might only be going up the road, why would he mention it. WHY WOULD HE NOT, he's had the OP decluttering the house!

OP I see now that you've spoken, I'm sorry that it's ended this way but I'd never speak to him again.

Fraaahnces · 10/10/2024 00:24

Go to Italy. Get some sun. Have some wine. Make him think he knew about this aaaaaages ago.

JFDIYOLO · 10/10/2024 00:26

Send him an invoice for your decluttering services, time and hard work.

When he objects -

'I told you so many times I've set up my own decluttering business. We did discuss this. You asked me to do X hours on your property. Are you OK? Are you getting forgetful?'

Two can play the gaslighting game.

OP, this man is a lying, secretive, using, manipulating, gaslighting piece of shit.

Who moved his ex back in for a time recently right under your nose.

You are with more than this. Time for an injection of self respect and self worth.

Get yourself an autumn holiday sorted asap. The Cotswolds are apparently lovely this time of year.

With any luck he'll be gone by the time you get back.

PMAmostofthetime · 10/10/2024 00:29

I'd take a picture of the sign and send it to him saying

Bye then

And nothing else x

Copperoliverbear · 10/10/2024 00:30

I have a feeling he thinks he's going to cock lodge with you because he's got himself into a financial situation.
I would wait until his house is sold and book two weeks annual leave and go away somewhere.
I think he thinks he's going to ponce off of you to get himself out of his financial situation.
I'd run a mile.

Todaywasbetter · 10/10/2024 00:36

👍🏼

HeadphonesHarriet · 10/10/2024 00:41

Copperoliverbear · 10/10/2024 00:30

I have a feeling he thinks he's going to cock lodge with you because he's got himself into a financial situation.
I would wait until his house is sold and book two weeks annual leave and go away somewhere.
I think he thinks he's going to ponce off of you to get himself out of his financial situation.
I'd run a mile.

I think this too.

DreamTheMoors · 10/10/2024 01:10

AltitudeCheck · 09/10/2024 17:29

I'd send him a picture of the for sale sign and a question mark....

If you could ghost / block someone you've been dating for 3 years rather than ask them what's going on then you're as bad as he is!!

This is an excellent idea, @ShockedAF— only without the “?.”
Just send him a photo of the For Sale sign and nothing else.
That leaves him to respond, or to figure out a response, or to figure out whether or not to respond.
It’s putting it right in his lap without saying a word.

RogueFemale · 10/10/2024 01:26

@ShockedAF "He honestly is a very interesting and infuriating character."
No, he's not, he's just another cunt.

LBFseBrom · 10/10/2024 01:48

Shocked: I need to end it in the best way for me not sure how yet.

.........

It is ended. You are now free! Move on and enjoy your life without too much of a backward glance. The man is an asshole!

IDontHateRainbows · 10/10/2024 01:48

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 17:28

Thanks this is how I instinctively feel. There isn’t much of a conversation to be had is there? It’s so sly. I just remembered he was weird when I had a coffee the other night. Asking if it had dripped on the carpet. It hadn’t. It was shadow.

Show quote history

Why's that weird?

EconomyClassRockstar · 10/10/2024 01:50

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:39

Well yes he rang and I answered. Neither of us suggested face to face. Plus I was in PJs with wet hair looking shit. And he likely knew he would get nowhere knocking on my door at that time.

Show quote history

You've been together three years, he lives next door and you're worried about him seeing you with shit looking hair when you needed to have an extremely important conversation about the state of your relationship? This thread is so freakin weird!

LabFab · 10/10/2024 02:00

RogueFemale · 10/10/2024 01:26

@ShockedAF "He honestly is a very interesting and infuriating character."
No, he's not, he's just another cunt.

Bingo. See also 'very complex and challenging.'

Scorchio84 · 10/10/2024 02:33

My sons dads drunken texts aren't even this entertaining

NiftyKoala · 10/10/2024 03:05

LBFseBrom · 10/10/2024 01:48

Shocked: I need to end it in the best way for me not sure how yet.

.........

It is ended. You are now free! Move on and enjoy your life without too much of a backward glance. The man is an asshole!

Op he's ended it for you. He's wasted 3 years of your life. It hurts now ut I promise in years to come not only will you be so glad but you'll laugh about it too.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/10/2024 04:21

I think you acted very dignified with him by the sound of it. I am wondering if the financial difficulty thing is even true. It may be, however, the amount he gaslights it is possible he was using this as an excuse not to spend money on you or as cover for the move. After all he’s just bought a whole bunch of furniture, which for someone in financial difficulty is odd… unless his old furniture was so dire that it would have distracted potential buyers. What I am saying is I don’t think you can 100% trust anything he has said to you.

I know you are understandably very upset and probably confused as to how someone could do this to you. He isn’t life partner material. He never was and his moving house without telling you, whatever the motivation, is a lucky escape. For this has allowed you to finally see him for who he truly is. Better to have wasted 3 years on this man than 5 or more still.

AgentJohnson · 10/10/2024 04:53

Honestly would people all just ask?

Er yes they would, you not wanting to, speaks volumes about this relationship. Him moving away could be his greatest gift to you because you probably would continue to accept all kinds crap if he stayed.

Fraaahnces · 10/10/2024 05:10

Yeah I think the financial difficulty thing is gaslighter’s code for “But you told me I could move in with you. What am I going to do now? You’ve left me in an even worse position than before!”

VaddaABeetch · 10/10/2024 05:26

He doesn’t sound interesting or complex or any other phrase that you used

He sounds like a mean snivelling spineless excuse of a wanker.

He’ll move on & find another woman, he’ll probably tell her about the nightmare neighbour who convinced herself she was in a relationship with him.

Hurrem · 10/10/2024 05:36

IDontHateRainbows · 10/10/2024 01:48

Why's that weird?

Show quote history

Because he’s moving and doesn’t want stains on the carpet

Plumedenom · 10/10/2024 05:42

Well done for getting mad and not pretending you don't care. We all need to have normal reactions to shitty and weird behaviour. We don't get points for being cool. He should have told you. Simple as that. He lied to you about why he was clearing his house. He's sly. I couldn't trust him anymore.

VeganStar · 10/10/2024 06:11

mnahmnah · 09/10/2024 17:37

I would take a picture of the sign and send it to him saying ‘message received loud and clear’. Then block and don’t answer the door to him. Spineless arsehole.

Oh definitely this.

DanielaDressen · 10/10/2024 06:28

Even just with the general gaslighting he sounds a pain. You’re best off out of this.

Kitkat1523 · 10/10/2024 06:42

Move on OP…….First day of the rest of your life OP and all that…… 💐