Page 16 | WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

ShockedAF · 2024-10-09T16:17:11+00:00

Been with bf 3y. We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y. Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal. Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent. He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold. He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he? My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/10/2024 23:35

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:11

So he rang me about an hour ago. He has got himself into a difficult financial situation, which I knew some of. There are several options open to him. One of which is to sell up but he doesn’t have to.

He did some gaslighting. It’s so weird how he does it. It’s hard to remember afterwards because there’s no logic to it.

After 20 mins of it I told him none of the circumstances or any of that matter it’s the underhanded way he’s done it that was just wrong and I deserved more respect. (I’ve actually supported him through a really bad year for him, not financially, but other things. It’s so disappointing).

He didn’t apologise. He tried more gaslighting saying I would have ‘gone mad’ no matter how he told me. I told him to fuck off and keep on fucking off for that because I just don’t have a ‘going mad’ personality at all. He couldn’t see how it was so bad to see the sign go up. When I said that was ridiculous, he tried making me laugh. Didn’t work.

He honestly is a very interesting and infuriating character.

I ended the call saying it was late and maybe I would talk to him tomorrow. I’m not going to. I just wanted to get off the phone.

Thanks to everyone who was supportive, witty or kind. Or all of those things. You definitely helped calm me down. I haven’t told any friends. And it made me realise I have neglected some friendships. So I need to start putting that right.

I need to end it in the best way for me not sure how yet.

I ended the call saying it was late and maybe I would talk to him tomorrow. I’m not going to. ...
I need to end it in the best way for me not sure how yet.

I think you just did. 👏

Could I kindly suggest seeking a bit of counselling, or just do some deep reflection, to determine why he was able to use you like that? Guys like this have a way of leaving a scar causing doubt and vulnerability going forward and falling for similar men.
💐

Jewel52 · 09/10/2024 23:39

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/10/2024 19:29

He's not hiding it very well because there is a For Sale board outside his house, and you live next door. Nothing is more natural than that you would notice the board and want to know what his plans are. Just ask him.

And remember that moving house doesn't necessarily end his relationship with you. He may be decluttering from a larger house to a smaller one.

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Such a naïve ridiculous comment - of course people move house but they don’t involve their partner in the process without mentioning what’s really happening. That he’s used his partner to get the house ready for sale without involving her in his plans and gaslit over other areas of his life indicates that she’s dealing with a selfish twat.

As if just asking him is going to solve this - she’s not responsible for his fuckwittery

Original poster

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:39

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 09/10/2024 23:28

He lives next door... but you had an hour-long conversation about this on the phone?

Well yes he rang and I answered. Neither of us suggested face to face. Plus I was in PJs with wet hair looking shit. And he likely knew he would get nowhere knocking on my door at that time.

OP posts:

LeMoo · 09/10/2024 23:41

Well done for handling it so maturely when you spoke to him, op. I'm known for being hard to rile but I'd have gone nuclear in those circumstances so I take my hat off to you.

And a great big hug because it's shit & you don't deserve to be treated so appallingly

Jewel52 · 09/10/2024 23:44

tonyhawks23 · 09/10/2024 21:31

Sorry i've skipped to the end of the thread because it all sounds mad. What if he's bought somewhere amazing for you to move in together and the estate agent put the sign up too quick and ruined the surprise. Might have won the lottery and bought an epic place and planning a romantic proposal so may as well wait and find out.

Stay away from the romcoms in future - admire your extreme optimism but this had got to be the most unlikely scenario I’ve seen on here

Lifeomars · 09/10/2024 23:45

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:24

Indeed.
Thanks Frith. Me too! I’ll be waving him off in every sense of the word when that removal truck heads out of the street!

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You sound great OP. Sounds like you have had a draining day going through almost every emotion known to woman when being blindsided by an utterly shitty man. Guess you are totally knackered after all the drama and weirdness of today and I hope that you manage to get some restful sleep tonight so that you can face tomorrow with aplomb. I would be tempted to make a banner ready to hang out on the day he finally goes with something like "Good riddance creep" emblazoned on it

Codlingmoths · 09/10/2024 23:46

Well done! Can you take some holiday and just disappear for a week?

Original poster

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:47

LeMoo · 09/10/2024 23:41

Well done for handling it so maturely when you spoke to him, op. I'm known for being hard to rile but I'd have gone nuclear in those circumstances so I take my hat off to you.

And a great big hug because it's shit & you don't deserve to be treated so appallingly

Thanks so much.
Think I’ll have a few years off from relationships!

OP posts:

Hurrem · 09/10/2024 23:48

LeMoo · 09/10/2024 23:41

Well done for handling it so maturely when you spoke to him, op. I'm known for being hard to rile but I'd have gone nuclear in those circumstances so I take my hat off to you.

And a great big hug because it's shit & you don't deserve to be treated so appallingly

I think she’s a pushover, and that she’s not been entirely honest with the boyfriend tag either. It’s interesting that you consider her approach to be mature, it could have been resolved in about 5 minutes but she’s hiding in her house typing on Mumsnet all day instead

ZenNudist · 09/10/2024 23:48

He tells you he's having a tidy up whilst you help him pack his house up to move. What was he going to say when the removals van turned up? "I'm just popping out for a bit".

Don't give him another minute of your time. It's bad enough you let him bang on for an hour tonight. What a shit.

Original poster

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:49

Codlingmoths · 09/10/2024 23:46

Well done! Can you take some holiday and just disappear for a week?

Yes I have some leave owed. I need to finish a project then maybe I’ll go away. Great idea.

OP posts:

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/10/2024 23:49

Jewel52 · 09/10/2024 23:44

Stay away from the romcoms in future - admire your extreme optimism but this had got to be the most unlikely scenario I’ve seen on here

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You've missed the (sarcastic) musing about him buying them a castle, then. 😂

Ohnobackagain · 09/10/2024 23:49

@ShockedAF if you can sneakily find out his leaving date you could put some bunting up along his fence and stuff ‘not sorry you’re leaving’ 😬 would serve him right and you get the last laugh without saying a single word to him 🫣

ZenNudist · 09/10/2024 23:50

Lifeomars · 09/10/2024 23:45

You sound great OP. Sounds like you have had a draining day going through almost every emotion known to woman when being blindsided by an utterly shitty man. Guess you are totally knackered after all the drama and weirdness of today and I hope that you manage to get some restful sleep tonight so that you can face tomorrow with aplomb. I would be tempted to make a banner ready to hang out on the day he finally goes with something like "Good riddance creep" emblazoned on it

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Ohh this! "So glad you're leaving" in pink glittery letters.

Jewel52 · 09/10/2024 23:50

Hurrem · 09/10/2024 21:54

At the moment they are BOTH playing games, and it’s ridiculous

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what an empathetic response - she’s been in a relationship for 3 years and, in one dick move, this guy had demonstrated that she was just a convenience. She’s trying to find a strategy in this whilst still reeling from the shock.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/10/2024 23:50

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:49

Yes I have some leave owed. I need to finish a project then maybe I’ll go away. Great idea.

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I did that after a break-up once. Took myself to an all-inclusive to Mexico for a week. Met a lovely French guy... 👍

Original poster

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:53

ZenNudist · 09/10/2024 23:48

He tells you he's having a tidy up whilst you help him pack his house up to move. What was he going to say when the removals van turned up? "I'm just popping out for a bit".

Don't give him another minute of your time. It's bad enough you let him bang on for an hour tonight. What a shit.

Ha ha probably. He’d be blaming someone else even as he helped pack the van.

He is appalling

OP posts:

Original poster

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:55

Mumtobabyhavoc · 09/10/2024 23:50

I did that after a break-up once. Took myself to an all-inclusive to Mexico for a week. Met a lovely French guy... 👍

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That’s brave. I was maybe thinking Wales or the Lakes!! 🤣

Or perhaps France ….

OP posts:

Original poster

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:58

Lifeomars · 09/10/2024 23:45

You sound great OP. Sounds like you have had a draining day going through almost every emotion known to woman when being blindsided by an utterly shitty man. Guess you are totally knackered after all the drama and weirdness of today and I hope that you manage to get some restful sleep tonight so that you can face tomorrow with aplomb. I would be tempted to make a banner ready to hang out on the day he finally goes with something like "Good riddance creep" emblazoned on it

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Thanks so much. I’m actually really exhausted now. I think I’ll sleep really well.

I was thinking of spelling twat on his lawn with weed killer? But a banner would be good. 😊

OP posts:

DadJoke · 09/10/2024 23:59

What a weird fucking guy - a real narcissist. Hope you are OK, OP. Time to slip a bag of sea food under his floorboards!

AW24 · 09/10/2024 23:59

Out of principle, I wouldn't ask.
I'd get on as normal. Guess expecting you to say something, I wouldn't give the satisfaction!
Arsehole,

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/10/2024 00:00

"Hey, you know I said that I would maybe talk to you tomorrow? I was doing that thing you do. Lying. Have a nice life"

Original poster

ShockedAF · 10/10/2024 00:01

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/10/2024 00:00

"Hey, you know I said that I would maybe talk to you tomorrow? I was doing that thing you do. Lying. Have a nice life"

Edited

🤣

OP posts:

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/10/2024 00:03

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 23:55

That’s brave. I was maybe thinking Wales or the Lakes!! 🤣

Or perhaps France ….

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I'm in Vancouver, Canada, so, Mexico is a fairly easy trip. I'd head for Paris in your shoes, though. 😃

IhadFeralToddlers · 10/10/2024 00:07

Ghost him. Totally. Just don't send the text / make the call/ etc. If you see him outside wave and carry on. Show him how unimportant he is.