WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

[ShockedAF]

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

I think the blocking without engaging is because the OP is mortified and embarrassed he didn’t tell her. I am not sure why she needs to go looking for an explanation. I agree she could text that she was pissed off he put the house on the market without telling her, after using her time and labour to help him do so, but maybe she doesn’t want to give him any more time right now.

Definitely this. At the very least, he owes u an explanation.
And your info on him gaslighting u confirms that your future will be alot more peaceful/happy without him.

But why be "mortified and embarrassed"? He didnt tell her he was moving, its not like he asked her to go out with him one night and it was his stag night or something!

I STILL do not get why a simple "So you're moving then? Kept that quiet, anything I need to know?" is worse than constantly wondering why and lacking any sort of closure.

No-one can tell the OP how to feel, but I honestly don’t understand the embarrassment. My first emotion would be anger tbh

She shared herself with him if you know what I mean. She was probably hoping for more and he let her down and she feels used.

I’m not sure why OP has jumped to the conclusion she’s being decluttered.

Maybe he’s staying within the area but hoping to a get bigger place / garden / move nearer work? It can ages to move house anyway, maybe he wants to see if it’ll get offers. Yes it’s a bit odd not to mention it, but if he’s staying local then why does it really matter? Maybe that’s why he’s not mentioned it before.

Blocking is an extreme reaction. I’d just have sent a text “Selling up?” Nice of you to mention it!”

This seems so dysfunctional on both sides. Are you sure it's a real relationship? If my partner had done this I'd be asking WTF was going on.. then proceed to go nuclear if it was as it seems, before telling him to do one.

If this is the case then it's highly likely he has someone else. Maybe he's moving in with them? Any signs that could be the case?

I just don't understand why you wouldn't want to have the conversation like an adult first though instead of straight to block, if things have been 'normal' for three years? Something doesn't add up there? Struggling to think if there could be a fair explanation here.. but if there is, makes sense to at least try and hear him out first? Especially as he's acting the same towards you.. which is making me hope it's this and there is some bizarre explanation to it all?

I feel like he will gaslight. Which is something he does.

Then why would you want to stay with him? He’s doing you a favour and hopefully he’ll move far away so you’re well rid of him.

My parents are forever putting their house up for sale. They like to see if it saleable and how much they might get for it. They then panic if someone actually makes an offer. So it's possible he's not mentioned the move because he's putting up for sale on spec and may or may not actually move.

But then, most people are not as odd as my parents who moved 200 miles and only told me the day before they left their old house

Sorry, been on mn too long. Is there another woman?

Why you haven’t asked is astonishing to me. I mean for your own curiosity if nothing else

Goodness me some people are weird! I'm so sorry OP.

I’m really interested to hear how he will try to explain this one. I think you’re doing the right thing; ignore him for now, at least until you’re calmer. If possible, I’d ignore him until he approaches you with some sort of explanation or comment. Surely, he will…?

I'd be checking the Land Registry to make sure he is the actual owner. If I could be bothered that is.

How can he hide it from you, you've told us he lives next door!

It is weird of him to do this - but also weird if you not to want to talk to him about it!! Not the best way for any relationship!

That is such a bizarre thing for him to do.

@ShockedAF I actually think your approach to grey rock is perfect. It’s probably one he has not prepared for.

I understand what you have been trying to say to posters. Any questions you ask will be answered in a pre-prepared gas lit manner and the subject changed. He might also make empty promises to keep up with the relationship from wherever he is moving to and you might never get a direct answer at all. You don’t have the time for that.

I think the history of your relationship has basically crashed down on you and you are in the process of reviewing it all in a new light.

The time for talking should have been prior to the decision to sell the house. Having you helping with the declutterring and putting up new furniture is really horrible.

I hope you're ok, OP. It's not you who should be embarrassed, it's lying git from next door.

Reading this thread actually reminded me that a similar thing happened to me many years ago. It was when I was in a 'relationship' with mummy's boy.

Mummy decided to buy her precious son a bigger house, so he sold up, went viewing with her and they chose a bigger house together. Then he pretended that the house he had actually just bought was just one he was viewing, and brought me round to 'view' it with him. I wasn't quite as stupid as I look and I knew what was going on.

That was such a fucked up 'relationship' I had with him. I sort of didn't care what he and mummy had obviously done, I was cheating behind his back anyway (not proud of that and haven't done it again in my life)

Honestly Op, he can't lie his way out of this. Move on for your own sanity.

I also agree with grey rocking him. I’m sorry you’ve been blindsided by him.

Sorry i've skipped to the end of the thread because it all sounds mad. What if he's bought somewhere amazing for you to move in together and the estate agent put the sign up too quick and ruined the surprise. Might have won the lottery and bought an epic place and planning a romantic proposal so may as well wait and find out.

You're doing the right thing OP. What a coward. You don't want someone this pathetic and underhand.

Is it possible he could have got himself into financial trouble and have to sell? Maybe he's too embarrassed/in denial to tell you?

Not that that would be a great situation but maybe better than that he's ghosting you.

Why don’t you bloody ask him already…

This 'block him' is a childish MN thing I suppose. Who would do that after 3 years???

And obviously those suggestions to just 'ask him' are also ridiculous. Any normal person would have told her.