WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

[ShockedAF]

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

But not asking him allows him the easy get out of painting you as the one behaving unreasonably. She just ignored me as soon as she found I was moving.

I'd do the opposite.

'I see you have a for sale sign up. What a relief because I've been wondering how to end it while living next door.
Common decency suggests you might have discussed this but I'm glad you made it so easy.'

Then I'd maintain bright, breezy but completely aloof as in good morning, get straight in car (i.e I've already moved on, you mean nothing)

Definitely don't bring it up , instead pretend like nothing has happened. If you see him wave and say hi dave then keep walking. I'd block him on my phone too . It's over , so why bother having an embarrassing and upsetting conversation.

Apologies if PPs have covered this, I've only really read OP updates but 3 years is a substantial time.

Any chance it's a surprise like a bigger house planned for the 2 of you? Not saying a great stunt to pull but getting you to help clear out then secretly selling up if planning to split is unusually callous.

I can see the wisdom in moving if he wants to end things but this is such an odd way to go about it. I'd say take control, speak to him and go from there. I know you feel it would be embarrassing but it's really not normal behaviour from him if he's expecting you to just ignore a for sale sign. You can blank him completely afterwards, you don't have to make a scene or indulge anything he's rehearsed.

There’s been a thread on here very recently, OP, about a woman whose husband (and father of their two children) told her by text that he was emigrating to New Zealand. He’d been planning it all summer without a word to her. I only mention it because I think in your case, it’s ‘easy’ to come to the conclusion that perhaps you viewed the relationship differently to him — but that lets him off the hook. Even if it HAD been casual on both sides, you’d still mention you were moving! He’s just not a very nice person, OP, and I don’t think you or other posters should ‘excuse’ him because you read it ‘wrong.’ You didn’t read it wrong; he deliberately deceived you. (I don’t mean you are ‘excusing’ him btw; I just can’t think of how else to phrase it...)

The thing is that even if he thought you were friends who slept together then as friends why wouldn't he tell you he was moving? Why let you help him put up furniture?

I think I’d text him “anything you want to tell me?”

I'd go round now and say "Hey I see you're moving, when were you planning on letting me know?" See what he says. You know it's over anyway so what's the worst that can happen?

This is bizarre, what happens if the house sale takes a year? Will he ignore the fact his house is up for sale?

Crazy - maybe he's going to claim chain breakdown and move in with you

Fuck, he is stone cold!

I'd been on freecycle right now arranging for a battered sofa and broken washing machine to be dumped/delivered on your front garden.
Stop using your bin collection & try let it pile up.

Borrow two big barky dogs.

Make his house look like a stupid investment to any viewers

Yes.

I was casually dating a guy a couple of years ago. I turned up one evening and there was a for sale sign up. I asked him “are you moving?” And he said yes. (It was originally his parents house and they had both passed away). He moved 10 minutes down the road. Men are very practical and don’t really think to update people with this kind of stuff.

Simple communication OP.

Who cares though? He can tell himself whatever narrative he wants. If it was me, I’d see his behaviour as the end of the relationship, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who can hide things like that. As a side bonus though, I think it’ll have a far bigger impact if OP just freezes him out and gets on with her life. He’ll be waiting for an angry reaction and it’ll bug the crap out of him to not get that.

He’s made his bed, he’s decided communication isn’t important, so let him lay in it.

I honestly don’t understand why you wouldn’t ask.

I would just say “there’s a for sale sign up at your house, I didn’t realise you were planning on moving? It’s odd it’s not come up in conversation before.”

He is allowed to move of course but it’s weird he never mentioned it or even asked you to help.

You can’t not have a conversation about it though.

This! Do not bother to engage with him. You are better than this 😁

Am I reading this differently to everyone else?

Its his house, you dont live together and he is selling up.

So what?! OK yes I would be surprised it hadnt come up but I would just ask him "Whats with the for sale sign? Am I so bad you have to move away haha" or similar.

It could be that it hasnt crossed his mind to tell you. If he is staying local and still wants to see you he may not see that its anything particularly important.

I think the ghosting, ignoring blocking thing is amazingly childish and dramatic.

Perhaps that's just the answer then, it wasn't really a relationship in his eyes, more a FWB arrangement. Or NWB - Neighbour With Benefits, as it turns out.

You could always text him and say "Are you actually planning on telling me you are moving, or are you taking the coward's way out and letting the 'For Sale' sign do the job for you?".

Just a thought, but he might be struggling financially and be downsizing. He may have been embarrassed to tell you. Just communicate with him. You could be creating yourself a load of angst over something small. Certainly he hasn't told you, but there may be all sorts of reasons.

Go round, act non chalant about him moving and say "I hope the person that buys your place is a man with a bigger penis!"

Id get a permanent marker and write in big letters on his for sale sign

"IT'S OVER"

and never speak another word to him again.

Ok but why am I getting major baby reindeer vibes here?

I don’t even know why but your tone and how you speak about this ‘relationship’ OP is making me feel like you and he don’t see this relationship the same way?

I work on the basis that the most likely event is probably the one that happens and I find myself asking the question which is more likely:

A man in a 3 year relationship didn’t tell his girlfriend he was planning to move house despite knowing she was bound to find out..

or…

A man didn’t tell his nice but a bit odd next door neighbour who he speaks to occasionally and is friendly with that he planned to put his house on the market.

Personally, I think option 2 is more likely??

You are going to see him OP.

I would definitely have in my arsenal when we had to speak
"What the fuck have we been actually doing here when the first I find out you are selling your house is via an estate agent sign?"

He is the cock OP, you have absolutely nothing to be hibernating away from.

So yes big deal his clever little plan to make you build furniture worked, the light still shines brightly on the fact he is sneaky and rude.

I would stare blankly at any response from him saying "that is all you have to say"

Utter indifference, who wants to be with someone who runs around being sneaky rather than talking things through like a partner or even a friend.

Shady creep of an excuse for a man.

I agree that it’s no big deal.

As long as he’s not planning on moving half way across the world then him moving has no bearing on the relationship.

I do think it’s very odd that he hadn’t mentioned it in conversation though.

When he was decluttering then I can’t see how it wouldn’t come up in conversation.

Unless he was intentionally not mentioning it, which it sounds like he was.

Him moving is fine.
Him intentionally not saying anything is not.

That's what I'm afraid of here...that he'll just look taken aback and diminish the last three years as a casual 'mutually beneficial' convenience.

I can't see however else he's going to approach this.

A very sensible answer.

I would have to have asked him straight away.

There’s no point in punishing yourself by wondering what it could be.
I’d rather just know and then deal with it.

I'm confused ...you've been with this guy for 3 years and yet you don't want to just ask him?!

Are you actually in a relationship? If you are it's very odd...

Are you just friends with benefits and you've been reading it wrong for 3 years?