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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

WWYD? BF moving didn’t tell me

787 replies

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 17:17

Been with bf 3y.
We live next door. We see each other most days and have done for the last 2y.

Recently he’s been on tidy spree, saying he wants to declutter his life. I was over there last night seemed normal.

Today a For Sale sign has gone up. He’s at work. Photographs already online at the Estate Agent.

He’s texting as normal. I feel sick and shaky. I’ve gone ice cold.

He’s decluttering me out of his life isn’t he?

My plan is to just block him and never speak to him again. WWYD?

OP posts:
TheCultureHusks · 09/10/2024 19:22

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 19:20

I might try. With grey rock if I bump into him?

Show quote history

Or just hit him with a big grey rock?

bringslight · 09/10/2024 19:22

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 18:26

He’s home now. So he knows there’s a sign up.

Well, go and ask him. So you know what he intends to do.

Poopdetective · 09/10/2024 19:22

Take ownership of this shit! Don’t melt away and not mention it, that’s what he wants.

‘Were you not going to mention you were selling the house?’ And wait for him to squirm.

Runnerinthenight · 09/10/2024 19:22

I think I'd pretend I never even noticed the sign.

If he comes round and says anything, say, "I think it's for the best. I've been wanting to end our relationship for a while and this will make it easier".

StaunchMomma · 09/10/2024 19:23

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 19:09

No. He’s been busy with someone in his garage. I’ve ignored two texts he sent this afternoon. He will know why obviously. I’m not going to message him today. So probably no more updates this evening.

Show quote history

Remember, he's had potentially months of planning this on the quiet so he's absolutely prepared his speech to you!

I wouldn't be giving him the satisfaction of bullshitting me or seeing that I was upset or angry. Giving him indifference will piss him off more.

I cannot believe he's done all of this behind your back AND had the cheek to get you round to help him clear stuff and put up new furniture!

He's a CF of the highest order!

Your immediate response was to want to block and avoid him - DO IT! Don't be pushed into a reaction you may well end up regretting.

He doesn't deserve another second of your time.

Original poster
ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 19:24

TheCultureHusks · 09/10/2024 19:22

Or just hit him with a big grey rock?

Show quote history

🤣
thanks to all of you who have made me laugh and been kind.

I’m going to head off for a bit and drink tea.

OP posts:
Normallynumb · 09/10/2024 19:25

Christ! What a callous thing to do
He doesn't sound great, as you described him as a gaslighter, but he's a coward and has lied by omission
Part of me thinks block and ignore but how can you living next door?
His house might take months to sell
Do not feel stupid or embarrassed.
This is absolutely bizarre behaviour by him
I am sorry

Original poster
ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 19:25

StaunchMomma · 09/10/2024 19:23

Remember, he's had potentially months of planning this on the quiet so he's absolutely prepared his speech to you!

I wouldn't be giving him the satisfaction of bullshitting me or seeing that I was upset or angry. Giving him indifference will piss him off more.

I cannot believe he's done all of this behind your back AND had the cheek to get you round to help him clear stuff and put up new furniture!

He's a CF of the highest order!

Your immediate response was to want to block and avoid him - DO IT! Don't be pushed into a reaction you may well end up regretting.

He doesn't deserve another second of your time.

Show quote history

Thank you. I feel exactly all of the above. 💐

OP posts:
StaunchMomma · 09/10/2024 19:26

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 19:24

🤣
thanks to all of you who have made me laugh and been kind.

I’m going to head off for a bit and drink tea.

Show quote history

Run a bath, OP. Drink a bottle of wine, put the tunes on and IGNORE THE DOOR IF IT KNOCKS!!

Fuck him and his really weird games.

ForeverPombear · 09/10/2024 19:26

My ex did a similar thing but he was renting and we were engaged. He still wanted us to get married but he 'didnt think to tell me' about the flat. Long story short, I dumped him and a couple of years later found someone so much better.

Hurrem · 09/10/2024 19:26

Are you being upfront as to the nature of your relationship? Is he your boyfriend, or is he instead a friends with benefits/ affair partner? The reason I ask is because your way of dealing with this is very odd. He’s come home, been with another woman in his garage for 15 minutes and has a for sale sign outside his house and hasn’t told you anything about this in the build up to it. If he’s actually your boyfriend, in a committed relationship with you, why aren’t you knocking on his door to find out what is actually going on? Sorry, I don’t get why you’ve just been typing on here all day instead

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/10/2024 19:29

ShockedAF · 09/10/2024 17:25

Honestly would people all just ask? It seems obvious he’s been hiding it from me. Will he just expect me to casually ask? Would he see me tonight and just not mention it? I’m so confused!

He's not hiding it very well because there is a For Sale board outside his house, and you live next door. Nothing is more natural than that you would notice the board and want to know what his plans are. Just ask him.

And remember that moving house doesn't necessarily end his relationship with you. He may be decluttering from a larger house to a smaller one.

BMW6 · 09/10/2024 19:31

Weird as fuck!

😧

What kind of nut job does this?

KarmaKat · 09/10/2024 19:32

I say this with love, it’s not normal to jump from a 3yr relationship who you see every day to just blocking someone without a conversation.

It’s quite extreme behaviour all round.

IVbumble · 09/10/2024 19:32

Gaslight him back - see him tonight but don't mention it.

See how he feels.

poetrylover · 09/10/2024 19:32

He's not hoping to move in with you is he?

carly2803 · 09/10/2024 19:33

mabey hes getting a bigger house nearby?!

dont freak out until you have spoken to him!

(although he should have mentioned it at the very least!!!)

VeraYin · 09/10/2024 19:33

I'd definitely ask him. He's avoided telling you so I wouldn't let him get away with it easily. I'd ask, discuss, then walk away and never speak to him again. Let him be left feeling awful.

Chimbos · 09/10/2024 19:34

You’ve just dodged a massive bullet OP… and one day you’ll see it that way too. Just try to think of that day (while drinking wine and cursing the day he was born)

Conniebygaslight · 09/10/2024 19:34

I would ask him what the hell he’s playing at and then tell him he’s an insensitive arse. You have absolutely zero need to be embarrassed. He’s an absolute wanker.

poetrylover · 09/10/2024 19:34

As I'm finishing reading I can see that other people are thinking the same as me!🙈

bringslight · 09/10/2024 19:35

Hurrem · 09/10/2024 19:26

Are you being upfront as to the nature of your relationship? Is he your boyfriend, or is he instead a friends with benefits/ affair partner? The reason I ask is because your way of dealing with this is very odd. He’s come home, been with another woman in his garage for 15 minutes and has a for sale sign outside his house and hasn’t told you anything about this in the build up to it. If he’s actually your boyfriend, in a committed relationship with you, why aren’t you knocking on his door to find out what is actually going on? Sorry, I don’t get why you’ve just been typing on here all day instead

I don't get the passivity either. May be this is why he is walking over her like a dead object rather than sit her down and just tell her all the reasons he is doing that. Even if he plans to become her cocklodger, tell her. She has to know

Runnerinthenight · 09/10/2024 19:36

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 09/10/2024 19:29

He's not hiding it very well because there is a For Sale board outside his house, and you live next door. Nothing is more natural than that you would notice the board and want to know what his plans are. Just ask him.

And remember that moving house doesn't necessarily end his relationship with you. He may be decluttering from a larger house to a smaller one.

Show quote history

He doesn't get to do it without even fucking telling her!!

Maybe you should go out in the middle of the night and move the sign to your house...

anonyanonyanon · 09/10/2024 19:36

Just tell him you've seen the for sale sign and ask him why he didn't tell you.

If he's a gaslighter, my bet is he will say 'but I did tell. don't you remember it was just before I asked you to help me declutter. why did you think we were doing that?'

to which you should reply alright then, but why haven't you haven't mentioned it since then or even talked to me where you are moving to?

See what he says and then forget him.

bringslight · 09/10/2024 19:37

poetrylover · 09/10/2024 19:34

As I'm finishing reading I can see that other people are thinking the same as me!🙈

He's going to declare himself homeless and just open her door , enter in and claim asylum