Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

To be fair i totally get you! Mine was on holiday in Greece sounds romantic except we had a 1 year old, I was still breastfeeding, I was shattered and had just woken up and was eating a cold cheese toastie on the patio when he just got in one knee and proposed. It was the last day of the holiday and we were flying back the next day. I thought it was a joke, I looked terrible as I had milk stains on my black dress and had just woken up! He was nervous and just wanted it done lol. We could have walked on the beach gone for a romantic meal anything lol but it’s done now! Although we are still not married and that was 2 years ago! Life gets in the way, we bought a house and love our long haul holidays too much lol!

Very best wishes to you, @Muddlingalongsomehow. I can’t imag8ne how unbearable it must be.

At least it wasn't an awful show off spectacle at a public event or announced from a stage with an audience or similar. So lame!

Aw, as you said, he was nervous and just felt he had to do it at that moment. No need for a special planned scene, it IS a special moment. Xx

Been with my partner 22 years, 3 kids. Not too bothered about being married which is just as well because the 2 mentions of it have been:
We should probably get married one day for tax reasons

(at height of covid lockdown, when Boris was in intensive care) : if I'm very ill in hospital you should sort out one of those quickie hospital bed weddings

When DH proposed I didn’t even notice. I’d zoned out because I thought he was just wittering. It was only when he pulled the ring out I realised that it had been a whole romantic speech so I had to fess up that I hadn’t heard him and ask him could he repeat what he’d just said!

I’m starting to worry that we might be married to the same chap 😳

I think to some people my proposal to my husband would count as disappointing, but not to us. We both love our tech. We were sitting side by side on our iPads. I emailed asking if he fancied getting married. He replied that he did!

He replied by email!

I’ve been married 12 years. My partner had no money so I lent him the money to buy my engagement ring (and wedding ring come to think of it!) I have reminded him a few times over the years that maybe he could pay me back (he now has more income than me) but no way is that happening.

Does it matter? It sounds very far fetched your dream proposal. He asked you, job done. I can’t help thinking you’re one of those that wanted your first time to be done by candlelight with soft music playing, rose petals everywhere….. 🙄

This is my life.

TBH I am not romantic - even less than him. And we had been together 17 years and had a baby by that time. Purely tax and IHT, no better reason to.

you seem to be living in some sort of ‘Jayne Austin 18thC’ fantasy. If you wanted the perfect proposal why didn’t you do it? No rule book which says wimin have to passive in this? Did you want him to ask your father for permission as well?

My husband didn't really propose, he just asked if we should make our holiday our honeymoon.

Still together 36 years later

No decor?! 😂😂😂

Is this a joke? My god. God forbid anything actually bad happen to your and your life.
Meanwhile, in the real world…..
Seriously??!
Look around you. You must lead an incredibly privileged life for this to be your biggest problem.

I think a spontaneous proposal is more romantic.
I used to work with a guy whose “ surprise proposal” consisted of a choreographed event with hot air balloon in background, videographer, hair and nails done for her ( to show off the ring) etc…
I was bemused by the whole thing.

I was one of the earlier "don't be bloody stupid" posters. Double that now I've read about the proposal planning conversation!
Yes our non-proposal was not flashy. But today is my birthday, more than 30 years later. I've been presented with oysters, champagne, a lovely painting as a birthday present. We always make a fuss of each other on special occasions, and rub along well every day. We've gone through a lot over the years as most people do. But it's the love and commitment that carries you through, not the lightning effects.

Decor really.... you'll make him flop in the bedroom if you carry on like this

To be fair to Jane Austen, she was not a romantic but a true intelligent and pragmatic woman who would not be very much inclined to flashiness and all that 😉

If it takes over 18 months to only 70% forgive (how does one put forgiveness into a percentage anyway?) a proposal perceived to be less than 100% perfect, I hate to think how long a real problem would take to get forgiven.

As an aside, forgiveness is for the one giving it. Holding onto upset, anger, bitterness about things doesn't hurt the person you haven't forgiven, only you. The old phrase - resentment is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die - applies here.

I think the OP has been a little unfairly judged here. I work in a hotel which regularly hosts very planned romantic proposals with lots of decor, fancy meal in a private area etc all arranged, petals on the bed ready etc. One guy planned a whole day for his partner arranging for her to get her nails done, hair done, new clothes waiting for her to get ready, spa time and afternoon tea with her friend and at the very end he was waiting with the ring. She didn't have a clue about any of it until the day!

Some people dream about those kind of proposals especially if they see them happening to friends etc and that's okay the same as lots of your more 'normal smaller' proposals are also okay!

You’ve been on social media too much. Not every guy is confident planning an elaborate proposal. Maybe he could have done better, but does it really matter? That’s what you have to ask yourself.

"We support each other with everything that's been thrown at us". This is what matters. Over 30 years after a totally unromantic proposal, I left because he was not there for me.

I process disappointment through starting Mumsnet threads.

My husband didn't even ask at all. It just kind of happened - more "what date shall we pick?" than "will you?" He's not a secret/surprise kind of guy. I even had to make him go get a ring. We've been married incredibly happy for 20 amazing years.

My brother on the other hand planned a well thought out secret surprise proposal. They were divorced after about 3 years.