Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

Whilst that applies to overblown proposals, it hardly applies to a nice meal out in a restaurant, or booking somewhere nice for the day ffs.

Or......maybe he could have made the effort to do something like that?

Just a thought.

No one has said anything about a crime, though this kind of over-dramatic (and meaningless) language tallies with wanting an over-dramatic (and meaningless) proposal. They are saying it makes you shallow and kind of silly.

The low bar/high bar stuff is such bullshit. My bar is set pretty damn high when it comes to a man's character - his ethics, his morals, how he treats me, how he respects me, how much he cares about society and the world generally, and also how attractive I find him and how he gets me off. I'm hardline about all of those. Couldn't care less about romantic gestures though and would actively be put off by them - I think if DP set up any decor to propose to me with I would say no out of sheer horror.

I totally agree with you that he shouldn’t have to do something that makes him feel silly - and that is why I said there is nothing wrong with either of them but they might both be better suited to other relationships.

I’m focusing on the woman because the woman is the one who posted and who is disappointed with the way the proposal went. (The man could make his own post if he wanted to).

AND you're called 'Ms', too!

Respect, sister 🏆

Could go round and round that until you drove yourself mad with that one.

@Minor1000
That sounds lovely. Well done.

This makes my point (back on page 7) that you made more of an effort than usual which is what I think @GoldenGirl85 wanted.
You were thoughtful and thought of the time and the place.

Well, yes, you'd think they would!

That, I'm sorry, is even more ridiculous

You clearly loved each other and had discussed where the relationship was going and then to actually discuss how the proposal should be is bonkers!!!
You've pretty much decided to get married so the formal proposal is redundant

When my husband of 21 yrs proposed it came out of the blue.

We had spent the afternoon shopping and he was getting quieter and quieter as the afternoon progressed, I honestly thought that he was going to dump me, we ended up popping in a local pub for some food and he just proposed over a curry, no ring or anything.

DH and I had been together 5 years (both divorced) I was researching my family tree and mentioned over Sunday dinner that I was thinking of changing my name to an interesting name in the family tree, as I was still using first husband's name. DH said casually 'well you could always change it to mine'. I looked at him and said if that's your idea of a proposal you better do it properly!! He promptly got down on one knee and proposed. We opened a good bottle of wine we'd been saving for a special occasion and were married six months later. I would have hated a 'planned' proposal with flowers, balloons or anything tacky. Been married 17 years now and best thing I ever did ♥️ OP He asked you and that's all that matters.

My DH forgot what he wanted to say, threw a ring box at me and just asked "Well?" Just had our 8th wedding anniversary and I still love the proposal. It was very him 😂

God, this post is so mad, I can't believe it.

We'd been dating 6 months. Adored each other. On trip to France, in my friend's flat in Paris (she was at work). We had a row, dunno why. And one of us said "where is this going? Are we just messing about or is it for real?" and then we both said it's for real, and one said "so we will get married". And that was that. We decided. Together.

42 years ago, that was. He doesn't have long left in this world and it is unbearable. If he'd done this performance gibberish, I think I would have run. We have trundled through our beautiful life together, with more major hurdles than most people, and neither of us have regretted it for a second. To be honest, I don't think we had a choice.

My friend was proposed to whilst cleaning the toilet, toilet brush in hand. Apparently he just couldn't wait and thought it a good time!!

Poor guy 😭

As far as the OP is concerned- she did not want or ask for a large, elaborate proposal. Her DP asked her what she'd like and she said "private but special."

There really is no excuse for him to have not made any effort at all with the private proposal, especially after asking her what she wanted. A few candles, flowers and soft music playing is extremely low effort but would have made the OP feel good if that's what she likes.

There is nothing for him to feel silly or embarrassed about, if done privately. And anyone who is going to propose shouldn't be nervous because they should know where their partner stands/have had the 'where is our relationship headed' talk before doing it. Asking when you don't know what the answer would be is absurd IMO.

I think wanting the private moment to be special with a little effort was perfectly reasonable...him asking and then ignoring what she said isn't a good look for him.

And if for whatever reason the type of proposal she wanted wasn't in line with how he felt, then he could have communicated that after he asked for her preference, otherwise why did he ask???

Been married a few times 🤣 one proposal was in a UK hotel, one in NYC and the 3rd on the sofa after watching his favourite football team win on TV. No ring, no nothing. The most unromantic proposal but yet romantic in its own way. I wouldn’t have changed a thing about it because my husband is just perfect 💕

Really??

My husband proposed in his parents living room with a haribo ring. Wouldn't have had it any other way. He did have a real ring in his pocket but he's a bit of a comedian.

No proposal here we just decided to get married he wasn’t bothered but knew it mattered to me so that’s what we did

Decor? Planning? My DH didn’t actually propose. Driving home from the pub one Saturday night, driving down the worst and most unattractive road in his home town, he suggested that he buy me a ring for Christmas. But we’ve been married for nearly 40 yrs, so does it actually matter?

😏🤭

It's really not healthy to dwell on something so trivial

You have a long marriage ahead and plenty more disappointments to bear in life

Let this one go

The grandest of proposals doesn't make a happy marriage or a good husband. My ex proposed after he had been caught cheating months before. We had talked about marriage on and off over the years before this. I waited a week or so then told him I wouldn't marry him until he realised that big gestures didn't make a happy marriage and that I needed to know he wouldn't cheat every time we had an issue. So the grand gestures continued and then he cheated again. The proposal isn't the important bit.

Sending hugs @Muddlingalongsomehow , all the best for you and your DH, sounds like a challenging time after so many years together.

Sitting at kitchen table, I asked when he was going to ask me, so he did it there and then. Didn’t get a meal out.

Very happily married though, he shows me how much he loves me every day and I feel very lucky. I kind of find it funny that I didn’t get the romantic proposal I’d always dreamed off!!