Disappointing proposal? Gather here

[GoldenGirl85]

So, we’ve been married for over a year now, but I still can’t shake this feeling about the proposal. I’d always said I wanted something private but special. Instead, it was just a quick question at home—no decor, no planning, and I even had to find us a restaurant to celebrate afterward. I’d say I’ve 70% forgiven him, but I still think, why did you flop so badly?

To give him some credit, he was extremely nervous and said he asked on a whim because he felt like doing it there and then. I understand whims, but I would have preferred for it to be planned.

Anyone else had a similar experience? How did you move past it?

Seriously ? What decor exactly were you expecting ?

@KaleQueen thank you. As I said I’m 70% of the way there and it’s been about 18 months so not long to go till I’m at 100%.

What is the obsession with the decor comment? If you're going to propose to your girlfriend at home and she's said she wants a special proposal for gods sake spruce the place up a bit. Gather some rose petals, light some candles, maybe print some photos of your favourite memories etc. Put some bloody thought into it.

I also can't understand why so many posters cannot gather that some women value things differently to them, and might think that the proposal, wedding AND the marriage are important. It isn't an either/or situation, and it's a matter of opinion, not fact. What is important to me, might not be important to you, it's subjective.

Some women are happy with a proposal when their partner is off their face on ecstasy, over a KFC or while their partner farts and that is honestly great for them, I'm so glad they have heart warming memories that they can cherish. Some women want something different, that's also ok!

My now husband and I were walking by the canal in a deserted and derelict spot at dusk one evening when he started acting really odd and shifty and even though we'd been friends for years before going out together and then gone out for a few years, the thought flashed through my mind that if he were secretly a psycho who was going to kill me, that would be the perfect time and place! Luckily it was just a proposal 😂I actually loved it though and do still.

because ultimately I do love him and he is an amazing husband but I was disappointed about that one event that we spoke about for weeks. He asked me, how I’d like to be proposed to and I told him, I want something private but special, showing you made an effort to be thoughtful.

didn’t realise this was a crime.

Good for you. And I did say yes, if that wasn’t clear.

I suppose I should have said that it was said with a glint in his eye and he does have a very dark sense of humour..
Obviously I told him to get s***d and ask me nicely.. which he did...

Bingo!

@GoldenGirl85 but when other women have said that wanted something different you said they have a low bar

No one said it a crime

Well if he was going to do it at home, he could have spruced the house up a bit. Candles, my favourite flowers, fun guessing game, cooked nice meal etc etc.

Get my drift?

Sorry OP I'm just struggling to see how after marriage it's something youre still hung up on?

Was the wedding how you expected it to be? Married life ok?

i said that in response to the people commenting that I should be grateful he even bothered to propose. That imo is a low and very depressing bar, that a woman should just be satisfied that a man has taken her off the shelf and decided to make her a honest woman.

Why should I just be happy that a man has decided to marry me and therefore accept however he does it? I’m not a no frills kinda gal.

I’m only 30% hung up! Wedding was wonderful. But just because everything else after that was great doesn’t mean that I still can’t have a shred of disappointment about a day that I would have liked to be more sentimental. Proposals are forever and I’m the sort of person that loves sentiment on special days.

hope you’re no longer struggling…

That’s sweet and if you loved it, it was perfect for you!

Okay, so you were disappointed and you've explained what you would have liked.

However, it's over a year ago, and you STILL have only '70% forgiven him'?

In all honesty OP, that's an unusual length of time to hang on to this without 'forgiveness.' Life can sometimes be disappointing, but most of us chalk it up and move along, because otherwise you start to ruin your ability to enjoy and appreciate the good things in your life.

You cannot change the past. It's sounds as though you need to work on your ability to deal with processing disappointment when your expectations do not match reality.

No one said any of that

Are you always so dramatic?

I process disappointment through starting Mumsnet threads. That suits me fine thanks!

Since you have time, I would re-read through the comments on the thread.

@Manypaws

How do you know what time I have?

I have read the thread thanks and that's why I know people have t said any of that

Good luck to your DH, he is going to need it

I’ve just been a bit sick in my mouth. You weren’t using any of those words ironically, were you?

I’m interested to know where this was said, having read the thread. From what I’ve seen, no one said you should just be happy that a man proposed to you. Lots of people have said that a proposal from the man you love is more special than the staging.

You say that you’re not a no frills girl, that’s fine and presumably he loves that if he married you.

@GoldenGirl85 if you read that i to her post then that says more about you

And that's why I'm replying to you, on your thread, in an attempt to be honest but constructive.

I'll leave you to it, since you really only seem to want to hear from people telling that you're right 🙂

Indeed.

OP, get your wishes (demands) for your “pushing present” in now. Something tells me becoming a parent won’t be enough if it doesn’t come with the original cast of the Lion King singing, a diamond the size of South Africa and rapturous applause from all those assembled.